What gives you your sense of self worth

[sKePTiKal]

Tupps, it sounds like you've found a good way to balance everything out right now. Don't be afraid to change your system or the mix of things, as your situation changes; and keep an opening somewhere for the genuinely good folk to just pop in from time to time.

Take things one moment at a time and be present in each moment, as best you can.

[Hopalong]

I am so with you Tupp, on the emptiness I feel when someone texts me. I also grieve the sound of a friendly voice, the laughter, the overlaps as we talk, the stumbles and recoveries and the natural human exchange of voice and ear. ESPECIALLY in hard times.

I think to myself, they are holding a phone. Could they please hit "call" instead of holding me at arms' length by texting? This article was very helpful to me and hope it'll connect for you (makes you see you are NOT alone in that social frustration):
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_next_20/2016/09/what_s_lost_when_telephone_calls_disappear.html

And this indicates a different reality, which makes me think that my expectations may be tripping me up. If I'm lonely it may be something about how I communicate, that leads to others (basically nice people but not PHamily-friends) choosing text over calls. Hmmm.

I kind of think both scenarios are true.

I know that it's very hard, when you are in desperate straits, not to feel abandoned...and not to judge everybody because of your pain. That is so human.

(Don't give up on people but please do try a 3-D support group, or more than one...)

Love and comfort,
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I am so with you Tupp, on the emptiness I feel when someone texts me. I also grieve the sound of a friendly voice, the laughter, the overlaps as we talk, the stumbles and recoveries and the natural human exchange of voice and ear. ESPECIALLY in hard times.

I think to myself, they are holding a phone. Could they please hit "call" instead of holding me at arms' length by texting? This article was very helpful to me and hope it'll connect for you (makes you see you are NOT alone in that social frustration):
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_next_20/2016/09/what_s_lost_when_telephone_calls_disappear.html

And this indicates a different reality, which makes me think that my expectations may be tripping me up. If I'm lonely it may be something about how I communicate, that leads to others (basically nice people but not PHamily-friends) choosing text over calls. Hmmm.

I kind of think both scenarios are true.

I know that it's very hard, when you are in desperate straits, not to feel abandoned...and not to judge everybody because of your pain. That is so human.

(Don't give up on people but please do try a 3-D support group, or more than one...)

Love and comfort,
Hops

Thanks Hops.

I think for me it's whether texting is the only form of communication I have with that person.  I have a friend who lives about a forty five minutes away and we see each other about once a month.  We have a good, face to face catch up then and keep in touch in between by text.  I don't have a problem with that at all.  Similarly I have another friend an hour away, we probably talk on the phone once a month, see each other three or four times a year and keep in touch via text in between that.  Again, it's not a problem for me.

But I think I'm at that stage where I am evaluating relationships and looking at friends who I rarely, if ever speak to on the phone (because they're always too busy), rarely see (because they live too far away) and thinking, if the odd text is the only contact we have, what is the point?  This person is no longer a friend.  And particularly when they hear terrible news, to not pick the phone up?  This person is no longer the sort of person I want to be friends with.

I am starting to realise that I need depth in people.  I like being around people who think, who have time for others and who can put themselves in someone else's shoes and not have to arrange the whole world to suit their purpose the whole time.  I like people who consider what they're doing instead of mindlessly doing what everyone else is doing and people who notice what's going on around them.  I know people who I used to consider friends who now haven't heard from me in three or four years.  Have any of them noticed?  I can only assume that either they haven't, or they have but aren't interested anyway.  And I don't want to fill my time up with people like that anymore.  I've been thinking more and more about my son and realising that, if this diagnosis does turn out to be bad, there are people I don't want to tell because I know their reaction will annoy or upset me.  I feel obliged to tell them, but I don't want to.  And I'm just wondering how I've managed to surround myself with so many people that I don't actually want to be around?

We had a nice walk in the sunshine yesterday morning.  We went to a cafe we know and chatted with the people at the next table.  The waitress in the cafe is lovely and always makes an effort to talk to my son about whichever book he's reading at the time.  We popped in to the grocers and the lady on the till was lovely.  Then we came home and I spent the afternoon reading while my son watched a film.  I did us both a nice meal, the heavy shopping was delivered and the delivery man was very sweet and polite.  It was all in all a very nice day with lots of nice people in it and I realised as I went to bed it was nice because I wasn't upset or disappointed by someone who knows me making it clear they don't have time for me.  I didn't try and contact anyone and no-one contacted me and it was nice.  I'm going to keep trying this method for a while and see how things go

[sKePTiKal]

Tupps, I've been struggling with this for a long time - this friends thing. And the back & forth between do I really LIKE this person... and do they really LIKE me... or are they just being cocktail party or professional polite? What about me? Am I that way too and would I rather just go cocoon myself in my fuzzy pants & slippers in front of a movie or read a book?

I keep revisiting that decision-point you're talking about - is there anything "nutritious" in your connection with a person? and if not, why bother? why not just go about your business and not let yourself fall into the mental trap, of thinking you need to fill all your time/space with people... just to say you did?

And I do notice, like Hops said, that when there IS something mutually nutritious about a relationship or even simply people working together or occupying the same moment of life... there really is something special on a subconscious, instinctive level. Maybe my anxiety lessens, or I relax, or simply do the f2f human dance...

there's something to that, that is more satisfying than being able to marshall and master the words on the screen to express oneself, explain, and communicate.

[Twoapenny]

Tupps, I've been struggling with this for a long time - this friends thing. And the back & forth between do I really LIKE this person... and do they really LIKE me... or are they just being cocktail party or professional polite? What about me? Am I that way too and would I rather just go cocoon myself in my fuzzy pants & slippers in front of a movie or read a book?

I keep revisiting that decision-point you're talking about - is there anything "nutritious" in your connection with a person? and if not, why bother? why not just go about your business and not let yourself fall into the mental trap, of thinking you need to fill all your time/space with people... just to say you did?

And I do notice, like Hops said, that when there IS something mutually nutritious about a relationship or even simply people working together or occupying the same moment of life... there really is something special on a subconscious, instinctive level. Maybe my anxiety lessens, or I relax, or simply do the f2f human dance...

there's something to that, that is more satisfying than being able to marshall and master the words on the screen to express oneself, explain, and communicate.

There's definitely something on a subconscious level, I think, and I'm noticing it more and more and maybe that's why I am much keener on 'proper' talking than texting, because you need that 3D effect to make it a more fulfilling experience, perhaps?

I've just had a really nice chat with a friend on the phone.  I mentioned her in an earlier post - she lives about an hour away, we catch up on the phone once a month or so, see each other a few times a year and it's just comfortable.  I feel comfortable with her, she's relaxed, she likes a laugh but equally has a very level view of the world and can have a good deep and meaningful convo as well.  She's thoughtful but what I really like about her is that she has a way of talking that is just quite balanced and doesn't provoke a response?  I told her the news about my son; she's reacted calmly, saying (I'm paraphrasing here but just to give the gist), I know this is tough but you're a good mum, you'll help him through this, a lot of other parents would never have coped up until now but you've kept going and you're the best person to be his mum.  She just has that good balance of speaking; she's not patronising or anxious to change the subject quickly, she just says something that's both soothing and meaningful and I really like that.  I feel good after I've spoken to her, I don't come off the phone feeling anxious or worn out or cross about something that's been said, or wishing I hadn't bothered to make the call.  She's like a really good well balanced meal that fills you up without making you feel bloated   I'm not sure whether she'd take that as a compliment, lol, but you know what I mean   So perhaps I need to just focus on how the person makes me feel, intentionally or otherwise?  I think focusing on me rather than them is the bit I struggle with.

Will try and do more activity related stuff with people; there are couple of things going on locally over the next couple of weeks so I'm going to go along and try them out and see how it goes

[Hopalong]

....perhaps I need to just focus on how the person makes me feel, intentionally or otherwise?  I think focusing on me rather than them is the bit I struggle with.

Boy, can I relate. I am so so fragile sometimes when it comes to friendship, particularly with women, that when a friend is unresponsive (or chooses the shallow track when I'm eager for depth) it activates such oooooooold deep bruises. I will pace my house muttering about what's wrong with them and nurse my hurt and it just feels AWFUL.

This year I've been working through something entirely inside myself about one friendship I struggled with whether to abandon or dump. This person and I bonded intensely over our Nmothers about 10 years ago. She was eager to get together fairly regularly and expressed strong affection and interest in our close friendship ("sisters"). Then...her aged Nmother moved to town. My friend ballooned, withdrew, got depressed (all of which I totally understood) AND completely dropped any effort to connect. She was happy to see me on rare occasions but never, ever would initiate beyond the vague-est ("We must get together") kinds of texts. Would send a "ping" of a signal but shy away from committing to a 3-D visit. I began to feel as though she only reached out when SHE needed ME. (I still think that's true but am in a different place about it today.)

Unfortunately, her crisis and depression overlapped mine. And I felt so hurt I might as well have been 8 years old again, surrounded by Mean Girls who kept their backs to me.

So, now it's several years after the rhythm and reliability of that relationship changed. It was a struggle but I eventually realized that the only way I could continue to enjoy her, because I do care about her (and her hubs)...would be to accept that friendship with her was not going to be 50-50. Ever. Not even 60-40, more like 80-20. But that when I do get together with her/them there's going to be a lot of pleasure in talk (both very smart) and she and I share so much history and knowledge of each other that there's still value in that familiarity.

I think the most important thing was realizing that she couldn't help it. She is wired the way she's wired and she just didn't need me as much as I needed her. I can be angry about it or go find other friends to meet my closeness needs. Over time, that's what I've done, and some of the new friends I've made in the last few years have made me realize it's never too late to make a friend and there's always the possibility of Real Sharing. I just have to offer it but not get angry and ancient-bruise-hurt when someone isn't available for it.

(Or if I do...recognize that that emotional response belongs to me, not them.) It's been brutal inner work but I really have made progress.

You are too, Tupp. Recognize that the disappointment, abandonment and sheer pain you're feeling are real. They don't have to be "justified". There's no courtroom with barristers pitching a case for who's "right." You just feel as you feel, and it's real and you can recognize the feelings, hang onto yourself when they ride through.

I've been learning mindfulness meditation from a Great Courses DVD series. It's all evidence-based (science) rather than any woo. One of the things I realize, from the Harvard professor's narration...is that it actually has a great deal to say about relationship, and being human. I'm liking it a lot. Scattered and spotty about the practice so far, but even brief minutes of it change my day.

Love to you,
Hops

[Twoapenny]

....perhaps I need to just focus on how the person makes me feel, intentionally or otherwise?  I think focusing on me rather than them is the bit I struggle with.

Boy, can I relate. I am so so fragile sometimes when it comes to friendship, particularly with women, that when a friend is unresponsive (or chooses the shallow track when I'm eager for depth) it activates such oooooooold deep bruises. I will pace my house muttering about what's wrong with them and nurse my hurt and it just feels AWFUL.

This year I've been working through something entirely inside myself about one friendship I struggled with whether to abandon or dump. This person and I bonded intensely over our Nmothers about 10 years ago. She was eager to get together fairly regularly and expressed strong affection and interest in our close friendship ("sisters"). Then...her aged Nmother moved to town. My friend ballooned, withdrew, got depressed (all of which I totally understood) AND completely dropped any effort to connect. She was happy to see me on rare occasions but never, ever would initiate beyond the vague-est ("We must get together") kinds of texts. Would send a "ping" of a signal but shy away from committing to a 3-D visit. I began to feel as though she only reached out when SHE needed ME. (I still think that's true but am in a different place about it today.)

Unfortunately, her crisis and depression overlapped mine. And I felt so hurt I might as well have been 8 years old again, surrounded by Mean Girls who kept their backs to me.

So, now it's several years after the rhythm and reliability of that relationship changed. It was a struggle but I eventually realized that the only way I could continue to enjoy her, because I do care about her (and her hubs)...would be to accept that friendship with her was not going to be 50-50. Ever. Not even 60-40, more like 80-20. But that when I do get together with her/them there's going to be a lot of pleasure in talk (both very smart) and she and I share so much history and knowledge of each other that there's still value in that familiarity.

I think the most important thing was realizing that she couldn't help it. She is wired the way she's wired and she just didn't need me as much as I needed her. I can be angry about it or go find other friends to meet my closeness needs. Over time, that's what I've done, and some of the new friends I've made in the last few years have made me realize it's never too late to make a friend and there's always the possibility of Real Sharing. I just have to offer it but not get angry and ancient-bruise-hurt when someone isn't available for it.

(Or if I do...recognize that that emotional response belongs to me, not them.) It's been brutal inner work but I really have made progress.

You are too, Tupp. Recognize that the disappointment, abandonment and sheer pain you're feeling are real. They don't have to be "justified". There's no courtroom with barristers pitching a case for who's "right." You just feel as you feel, and it's real and you can recognize the feelings, hang onto yourself when they ride through.

I've been learning mindfulness meditation from a Great Courses DVD series. It's all evidence-based (science) rather than any woo. One of the things I realize, from the Harvard professor's narration...is that it actually has a great deal to say about relationship, and being human. I'm liking it a lot. Scattered and spotty about the practice so far, but even brief minutes of it change my day.

Love to you,
Hops

Yes I've nodded all the way through that, Hops!  Particularly about people reaching out when they need you; I think that's been the basis for a lot of my relationships over the years.  I'm starting to think/feel that........... my tendency to do everything in my head (rather than in my heart) and my sort of blank canvas personality (necessary for mother to take what she needed on demand) has meant that I just sort of soak up other people when it's convenient for them.  Looking back over the years most of my friendships existed only within the realms of the environment at the time (school, uni, work) and didn't survive beyond that.  When I had my son there were a lot of new friendships created through mum and baby groups but none of these carried on after the mums went back to work.  Similarly I meet people now via disability groups but they only want 'friends' during the day when their husbands and real friends are at work.

I think perhaps I need to 'go selfish' for a few months and really focus on myself and nobody else (apart from my boy).  Try some new hobbies, try and get involved in some group things (and try to focus on just doing things with others rather than wanting to make friends).  I do really need to focus on my health; I am so wiped out it's taking every ounce of effort just to get out of bed.  I do think some of that's to do with the menopause so I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow to talk about whether an anti anxiety/anti-depressant or some sort of hormone help would be beneficial.  But I also think I need to work on hobbies and interests, try and meet some new people (just to practise talking to new people skills) and just try not to be so dependent on other people making me feel better about myself. 

Love to you, too xx

[Hopalong]

You're thinking very rationally, sanely, imo Tupp. I like this a lot:

focus on just doing things with others rather than wanting to make friends

Children of Ns are all Cinderellas, and when we never (ever) get the carriage, ball, and prince...I think after a time, and particularly when Life is hitting us with so many pies in the face that we're choking...our needs really are big. And it takes big-hearted, big-minded, big-charactered people to see that and not run from it.

I think taking a just-doing-things-with-others approach in group situations for a while could be very tonic for you. When you go into a group with the Will They Like Me I Need a Friend thing zooming around and around your brain, it comes out of your body language and eyeballs. Most people, even good ones, do feel uncomfortable. (Alas.)

But when your focus is What Are We Going to Do Today? What Will I Learn While We're Doing This? Right, How Can I Help? (not drama, notice-this help, just...sure here's the tea). That's different. That's just being one puppy in the basket of puppies, alive, part of the pile. This may sound weird but I think you can rest in that.

Man, couldn't be much more incoherent if I tried. 'Sposed to be a poet! (Fail...)

That's why I'm making myself go back to church these days. I stopped for a loooooong time, as I don't enjoy our current minister. But I was really missing the human experience of sitting in the group. A good group. My peeps. So now I draw or (newly) meditate during his shallow sermons, but I'm breathing along with the sanctuary-full. I sit next to people, we have quiet moments, we hear music (great pianist), sometimes we stand up and sing, there are always some readings I like, the space and natural light are lovely, the "accent walls" are a blue I have always loved, some little kid has an amazing smile, some old one wears wacky scarves...some have lost unutterably, some are prosperous, some are poor, someone always hugs me, and some stray newcomer is always glad I say hello or show them where the coffee is.

That's really enough for me to require of religious community. I'm barely religious, but pretty embedded in that human group. Some of my best friendships (including the difficult one I chronicled--AND healthier more reciprocal ones) have come from there. But even when I'm not feeling closely connected, just the repeated ritual of the shared sitting...is comforting. I think it's good for me as an animal. Human animal. We need each other even when we can't get it right. We still do. Yielding to that need to let yourself exist in a group is healing. Painful sometimes, but still, it's strengthening your being in a way, I believe.

Perhaps a support group or AlAnon or other kind of group could come to feel the same way. As could shared volunteer groups, etc. Hope you'll find your way to some group things that meet that tribal need for you, Tupp. Support flows from that. The tribe needs to absorb you so they can. It's not even conscious to a group. You just keep turning up and you are a part of it.

love
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I like the idea of being a puppy within a group of puppies, Hops

Your church situation sounds nice.  It is difficult when one person unsettles a group.  I've left a lot of things over the years because one or two people were just doing my head in.  It is a shame when that happens.  There are a few things going on that I'm going to go along to, even if it's just for half an hour (in fact, that appeals to me because it's fairly easy to do anything for half an hour, isn't it?).  So yes, I'm going to try and just enjoy it for what it is and not be thinking about whether I'll make a new friend from it.

I have enjoyed being selfish today!  Other than cooking up some nice food, I've done nothing but read, watch TV and nap and it's been lovely.  I've resisted the temptation to make duty calls to people to show them how 'thoughtful' I am and that I haven't forgotten that something's happening in their life at the moment.  I was scrolling through my phone and I did notice that I have different reactions to seeing people's names.  Some people I just don't want to be in touch with anymore - there's just nothing there.  Others I like but view as acquantainces rather than close friends and I think it's good to have some people like that in your life - meeting for a coffee friendships but not much more.  Some made me feel angry and I think what's happened with some people is that they've been very keen to be around me when they're going through a difficult time but once the situation has improved they've dropped me.  That's stirring up a lot of anger so I'm going to have to think that through a bit and work on letting it go.  Not entirely sure what it all means but it will come in time.

[lighter]

Tupp:

Maybe it will help if you write letters to the people you have anger towards.  Of course you won't need to send them to internalize how you actually feel and make peace with.

((((Tupp))))

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Tupp:

Maybe it will help if you write letters to the people you have anger towards.  Of course you won't need to send them to internalize how you actually feel and make peace with.

((((Tupp))))

Lighter

Hi Lighter

I'm trying to put my feelings into poems and short stories at the minute, as well as trying to write lovely short stories with a view to trying some story telling and/or performance poetry in the future.  One of the things I was talking about with my T (who is on hold for the time being as there is too much else going on) was about writing and putting how I feel down on paper and she said "Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could help girls who've been sexually abused through creative writing and performance?"  And the idea has just really stuck with me; wouldn't it be amazing to find a way for your horrible experiences to help someone else whilst giving you a chance to work through them as well?  So I've loosely got something like that in the back of my mind (although to be honest if anyone reads some of the stuff about my step-dad I might get arrested, lol).

I am still trying to be selfish!  I am finding it helpful and difficult in equal measure.  I am definitely coping better at home.  The house is tidier, things are getting done, I'm making small dents in big projects and generally feeling more on top of things and in control because I'm not running around aimlessly.  I am trying to find 'something' to do each day that is more community based and just to generally be a bit more sociable via cafes and coffee shops so that I don't have to rely on individuals for conversation.  I have noticed that whenever I start chatting to someone when we're out and I conscious that they might find me boring or annoying and that sort of interrupts my head so I'm trying to work on that a bit.

I am trying to meditate every day and to do a bit of exercise and that seems to be going okay.  There's a UK based forum that I've been using for alternative type people and I'm finding that interesting and seeing some different perspectives.

Healthwise things aren't great and my son's under two different hospitals, neither of which are doing anything useful at the moment.  It's frustrating and is raising old memories so I'm trying to just tap away at that as well.  He's okay in himself so that's the main thing.

I am feeling distance between myself and a couple of friends and I'm trying not to think about it too much and just let it be what it is.  I'm trying to focus on me, what I want, what's best for my son and appreciate nice things when they happen.  I am finding it quite hard work!  Lol, but getting there slowly

[lighter]

The next step in healing is teaching.

I love the idea of your writing stories that help others.

Tupp...
amazing mom, and wounded healer.

::nod::

Lighter

   

[Twoapenny]

Thank you Lighter

I am still struggling and still finding myself very up and down with the situation.

I had to make a formal (and very long complaint) and ask for a different doctor.  There have been various problems along the way, culminating with the doctor, yet again, blaming me for his delays in doing the things he said he would do.  Too much to post about in detail (and I'm in that bluergh, I can't be bothered to go through it all again mode) but suffice to say I don't have confidence in him and don't feel I'll be able to work with him long term with regards to my son as he isn't truthful about situations and blaming me for his mistakes (and this was in a letter to another doctor as well, it reminded me of something I've read about, triangulation, is it called?  When you get other people on your side in a situation?  I feel like they're circling the wagons again).  I am aware that I'm very sensitive about this sort of thing because of what's happened before but for that reason I don't react immediately, I do have a friend who works for the health service and who also has two disabled children so I talk things through with her.  That way I get the professional and the personal view and as she understands how the system works from the inside she is very good at advising me on the best way to move forward.  So I don't think I'm being rash and hysterical; the situation's been going on for twelve weeks now and I have tried a number of times to resolve the situation informally.  Anyway, it is stressing me out and worrying me but it is what it is and hopefully things will move forward now.

I am trying to concentrate more on how I feel rather than what I think and trying to take time out during the day and evening to just sit and not do much.  I am completely exhausted all of the time and things have just been difficult for too long.  I'm aware I've been eating too much rubbish so have been trying again to make healthy eating a priority and I'm trying to get out more.  We were going to go to a group thing today but I have decided to postpone till next week as I really feel resting today is more important than socialising.

I am still trying to keep my boundaries in place with people.  I had a nice day with a friend earlier in the week over at her house and we're getting together with the kids over the half term holiday.  My sister texted me yesterday to tell me that she'd heard our brother had got married.

My sister and I barely speak any more as we fell out over her not making any effort with my son, amongst other things (I think I've moaned about it on here before,lol).  We're not at loggerheads but I wasn't willing to keep doing all the running and since I stopped she's not done anything so we just don't talk anymore.  She hasn't spoken to our brother for years and wants nothing to do with him; I do Christmas and birthdays with him and pop round the odd time if I'm in the area but other than that we're not in contact.

I took some time to think about how to respond and my feeling was that she's just getting in touch to gossip or because she thinks I'll know more and she wants me to tell her.  I am not interested in the family gossip; my life is always better when I have no knowledge of my family, lol.  She makes no effort to keep in touch in any other way, nor does she ask after my boy.  So I just texted back that I didn't know anything about it, to which she said she'd find out more and let me know, and my reply to that was please don't, I don't want to know.

I feel I have spent the last ten years trying to get people to see things my way and it is time for me to accept that we all see the world differently and that I have to go and look for people on my wavelength rather than trying to get the people I already know to change to accommodate me.  Now that I've written that down it seems blindingly obvious but for some reason it has always eluded me and I have felt desperate for years for people that I care about to change so that I can be part of their life without having to go back to my self-destructive habits.  It is time to move on and I can see that now, although I still feel my heart pinging when I think about it.

On a completely different topic (and just because I thought this was so sweet) we were in town yesterday and there was a lady sitting outside a coffee shop with a pony.  She had a coffee and the pony had an apple.  She is a petting pony, so they take her around to schools and hospitals and homes for older people, that sort of thing.  She was just adorable and was quite happy standing in a busy street with all manner of people coming up and making a fuss of her.  The lady was really lovely and friendly, we had a long chat and she said they do a lot of work with disabled children so she was very good with my boy and easy to talk to.  These are the sort of people I would like to spend time with.  This lady lives a very long way away so not very practical in terms of making new friends but it did feel like a bit of a sign that I need to get out there a bit more and keep my eyes open for good people to get to know

[lighter]

(((Tupp)))

I'm making breakfast for dd, but wanted to say that I'm glad you have a friend in health services to guide and keep you level.  Things just go out of focus when our children's wellbeing is threatened... nice to have help getting back to center, IME. 

I'm so sorry things have to be difficult.  Remember to document everything, as you likely do out of habit.  Sometimes good people do bad things without meaning to, and sometimes bad people are in positions of trust and authority by design.  Try not to step on his ego as you go....he may be the type to win at all costs if he's the latter, and it would be better if he could just release you and your son to another doctor without feeling the need to destroy you, KWIM?  Verbal jujitsu.... it's a powerful tool to SAY something non threatening and still get the result you want. 

Also, it would be good if you could keep in touch with the pony and her lady.  Wouldn't it be nice to know when they'll be in town so you can share a cup of tea and apple?

(((((Tupp and son))))))

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Hiya Lighter, yes, you're absolutely right on all accounts.  I do have pony lady's email details so can keep in touch, also realised she's not actually too far from someone else I know in that part of the country, small world and all that!

Everything documented, always do, have learnt that from experience.  Have requested different doctor, complaints department have got back to me and won't finish their 'investigation' until almost the end of November.  The complaint was really to get information I need now and to get paperwork corrected so end of next month is of no practical use.  Am going to leave it over the weekend but I think next week I'll just correct the letter myself and send it in and call the unit he has been transferred to now to see if they can answer the questions I have.  I just need to know more so that I can make this as easy as possible for him to deal with, he's been through so much this year and we're both completely frazzled.  So basically it looks like I'll be investigating my own complaint, lol, we might have to see that doc once more if they don't sort this out before the end of next month so I'll just have to suck that up.  Longer term we won't be under this hospital anyway as we will move out of the area (one day!) so we'll just have to muddle though as best we can until he at least gets put on some medication to control the seizures.

Did your legal case all get settled or are you still waiting for more info to come back?  How are Halloween preparations going?