Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
What gives you your sense of self worth
Twoapenny:
I am officially in love with this therapist :)
We talked about how hard I found it to do anything at the last session and the flashback afterwards, and about the wobbly week I've had since. She feels young Tup might be too scared and unable to trust that we're trying to help her and that we need to work very slowly and not to rush things. We've talked through loads of other ways of doing 'inner child' work - through painting, drawing, speaking (into a recording device), writing letters, even through music. We've talked lots through and talked a lot about reassuring, comforting, feeling safe and so on. I just kept feeling the anxiety lifting and came out feeling energised and eager to work, whereas I went in feeling exhausted and scared. She really seems to work very intuitively and is willing to work in different ways which I'm finding very helpful. I do feel tired but in a way that makes me think I'll enjoy a good night's sleep, not the way that makes you feel like you want to crawl under the duvet. It was a good session and I'm eager to get on with some of the things she suggested :)
Hopalong:
I'm in love with your T too, Tupp!
I am so so so happy she is beside you.
Magnificent still feels like the right word to me.
love
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on August 02, 2016, 04:16:00 PM ---I'm in love with your T too, Tupp!
I am so so so happy she is beside you.
Magnificent still feels like the right word to me.
love
Hops
--- End quote ---
Lol, we are all in love with her! I am trying to talk to little Tup, to comfort and reassure her that I want to help her to feel better. I've been trying today to just have a dialogue with her in my head, in the way that I would if I was looking after a scared teenager who doesn't understand what is happening to her. A funny thing occured to me; I realised that little Tup would have been very kind to my son and would have taken him under her wing if they had been in school together. She always used to play with the kids that no-one else would play with and I can see her and my boy having a good time together :)
Twoapenny:
Just updating so I don't forget things as I go along!
I've spent today having an internal dialogue with little Tup (or teenage Tup, to be more specific), just as I've got on with what I'm doing and just as if someone had brought a teenage girl round to me today and said "she's had a rough time, can you have her at yours for a bit?". It's been really interesting, it brought home to me how no-one paid her the slightest bit of attention or even noticed she was alive. The thing that kept coming up is that she doesn't feel safe because my house is so close to the house I was abused in. I don't know why I haven't noticed how weird this is before. But anyway, that was the thing that kept coming up and I remember reading an article years ago about coping with that (irrational) fear that people can be left with after abuse, and one of the suggestions was that you set your rooms up so the door is always visible and has something hanging over it, the idea being that if you are aware that no-one can get in without you knowing you will feel safer. I've spent the afternoon re-arranging furniture and hanging mirrors and wind chimes up to make the house feel safer and funnily enough it's worked. It feels more comfortable and homely as well, so funny how something like that can make a difference.
I'm going to see an old school friend tomorrow, part of my pro active drive to spend time with people I like. Feel very tired but it's been a good day.
lighter:
Tupp:
It's lovely to read you've made your home feel safe, and you still adore your new T.
Yay! Yay!
Sorry about your son's bad day. and just when he seemed to be doing so well too.
I do think there's a correlation between taking time for yourself, and your son's rough patch. Our children have to change routines as they mature, and that job is harder than can be imagined.... for us to guide, and them to adjust, IME. Esp when we're living under water, under siege, and keeping our life focus narrowed down to survival and kiddos, IME.
((((Tupp and son)))
Keep posting updates. They're wonderful to read: )
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