Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
What gives you your sense of self worth
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on August 04, 2016, 03:50:38 PM ---Tupp:
It's lovely to read you've made your home feel safe, and you still adore your new T.
Yay! Yay!
Sorry about your son's bad day. and just when he seemed to be doing so well too.
I do think there's a correlation between taking time for yourself, and your son's rough patch. Our children have to change routines as they mature, and that job is harder than can be imagined.... for us to guide, and them to adjust, IME. Esp when we're living under water, under siege, and keeping our life focus narrowed down to survival and kiddos, IME.
((((Tupp and son)))
Keep posting updates. They're wonderful to read: )
Light
--- End quote ---
Lighter, thank you, and all of that makes a lot of sense :) The paramedics who came out were wonderful; one of them used to work with autistic teenagers and she said that the hormone surges in puberty can have a huge impact on neurological problems and exacerbate them hugely, which makes sense. It also means that hopefully this won't last forever! He's fine now, he managed the day out yesterday okay and we've got a reasonably quite few days coming up.
Yesterday was lovely; we caught up with an old school friend who has three lovely kids and then went to a wildlife park. We got lost on the way and ended up going through a couple of lovely little villages with free roaming horses just casually trotting about; one was in the pub garden looking like he wanted to nick someone's beer and another was trying to get in a shop, lol, they looked like they were having a nice day out. My son thought it was hilarious. I bought teenage Tup another windchime in the gift shop; very pink and girly and currently twinkling away by the front door :) I feel very tired today and she's very quiet so I'm not sure if those two things are related.
I'm going to ramble now, just because it helps me to get things out of my head! A bit unrelated to what's going on at the moment, really, but I feel better if I write it down :)
I've a friend who blows very hot and cold. She's a good friend and her home situation isn't easy so I don't mind the blowing hot and cold too much, although it has been bothering me more recently. It bothers me most because after she's ignored me for several months she seems to expect me to leap to attention when she contacts me! I've not heard from her for such a long time, probably at least a couple of months. I've left a few messages, sent the odd text but she does do this so I don't push it because I think it's just how she copes when things are difficult for her. However, she's popped up again and left a message on the answerphone yesterday. We didn't get home till fairly late so I didn't ring back. By 9 o'clock this morning she'd texted four times. I feel like I'm being pestered!
It's my birthday next week and about three weeks ago I contact six people to invite them for a birthday picnic, one of whom was her. No-one got back to me so I have arranged to do something else with my son. The reason she's calling now is to arrange dropping off my present. I know it's very nice of people to do presents but I'm kind of at that age now where I'm not really fussed about birthdays and I am worried about my boy at the minute so the whole birthday thing isn't really on my mind. I've said twice I don't mind, I'm not really in a birthday mood and she's welcome to pop round or post it, whatever's easier (I have said thanks for being kind enough to get a present as well, lol!). The next message is saying it's not really about the present, she wants to see us and wants to know when it's convenient. It's not really convenient; my boy's not well, I'm exhausted, I'm trying to look after young Tup (and I'm enjoying doing that actually, I sort of feel like I don't want anyone else butting in?). Again I've tried to explain politely that I can't really arrange things at the mo (my son's a bit up and down and obviously he's my priority so I don't want to have the pressure of knowing x is supposed to be coming over). And unfortunately that's what it feels like at the moment, pressure to do something. Had she just left the message and not contacted again I'd have got in touch over the weekend but I feel like I'm being pushed to someone else's timetable and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Anyway - just a ramble to get it all out of my head :)
sKePTiKal:
Wow... hearing you describe your work with little Tupp reminds me of lots of things, in my own work. I don't know if this kind of work has a specific name... or if there's a section in T-training where they focus on various ways to guide us through doing it (I always felt I was on a journey of discovery in a new land - myself - LOL). The T's that are pretty good at this are invaluable, I think. Even though we end up doing the "heavy lifting" - we couldn't do this without them.
In a lot of ways, I'm still working on this particular topic. Maybe I always will be.
I really think you're going in the right direction, and that lines up with the rest of your goals now. Little Tupp might be afraid of what you'll uncover, but for you -- this is going to be treasure. And you just need to reassure little Tupp you'll always love her and she can tell you anything; anything at all... and that even if you're angry with her sometimes... you're always going to love her... even if she's angry with you.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on August 05, 2016, 06:38:06 AM ---Wow... hearing you describe your work with little Tupp reminds me of lots of things, in my own work. I don't know if this kind of work has a specific name... or if there's a section in T-training where they focus on various ways to guide us through doing it (I always felt I was on a journey of discovery in a new land - myself - LOL). The T's that are pretty good at this are invaluable, I think. Even though we end up doing the "heavy lifting" - we couldn't do this without them.
In a lot of ways, I'm still working on this particular topic. Maybe I always will be.
I really think you're going in the right direction, and that lines up with the rest of your goals now. Little Tupp might be afraid of what you'll uncover, but for you -- this is going to be treasure. And you just need to reassure little Tupp you'll always love her and she can tell you anything; anything at all... and that even if you're angry with her sometimes... you're always going to love her... even if she's angry with you.
--- End quote ---
I'm surprised at how much I'm enjoying it, Skep, it really is like you're discovering yourself and what you like and don't like. I think I've probably mentioned this before but years ago I read a book about growing up with an N parent and there were various exercises to try, one of which was to right down all your favourite things. It was a long list, favourite food, favourite colour, place to go on holiday, clothes, music and so on. I couldn't answer a single question, because I just had no idea what I liked. I could answer every single one for my mum, however. In fact I'm thinking I should probably go and have a look at that again soon to see what's changed :)
lighter:
I adored reading about the horses, Tupp.... and your son's joy in seeing them.
Your joy.
::nodding::
Being lost is typically fraught with stressful tunnel vision, IME, but you were able to SEE past it and smell the roses. How wonderful.
Lovely lovely lovely, and I'm all for keeping the friend at arms length when it feels right. At some point we stop allowing our boundaries to be trompled by others, esp when we do it out of habit/obligation/guilt/pressure to do so.
Just.....
take your SPACE.
It's yours, and you honestly don't have to have an excuse, IMO. just.... own it.
It's time I think.
::nodding::
The friend will likely benefit from the space left open by your absence, IME. Maybe she'll find some treasure herself.... grow, stretch herself?
It could happen
::nodding emphatically::
In the meantime, the energy you spend identifying negative patterns isn't really a loss if you learn from it, right? You're growing toward the light... you're moving toward serenity. It's all good.
::nodding::
I think that makes it easier to view your needy friend with compassion.
(((Tupp and son)))
Light
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on August 06, 2016, 11:16:04 AM ---I adored reading about the horses, Tupp.... and your son's joy in seeing them.
Your joy.
::nodding::
Being lost is typically fraught with stressful tunnel vision, IME, but you were able to SEE past it and smell the roses. How wonderful.
Lovely lovely lovely, and I'm all for keeping the friend at arms length when it feels right. At some point we stop allowing our boundaries to be trompled by others, esp when we do it out of habit/obligation/guilt/pressure to do so.
Just.....
take your SPACE.
It's yours, and you honestly don't have to have an excuse, IMO. just.... own it.
It's time I think.
::nodding::
The friend will likely benefit from the space left open by your absence, IME. Maybe she'll find some treasure herself.... grow, stretch herself?
It could happen
::nodding emphatically::
In the meantime, the energy you spend identifying negative patterns isn't really a loss if you learn from it, right? You're growing toward the light... you're moving toward serenity. It's all good.
::nodding::
I think that makes it easier to view your needy friend with compassion.
(((Tupp and son)))
Light
--- End quote ---
Yes that all makes sense, Lighter, and she's a very good friend in other ways so I don't want to not have her around at all, I just find I feel a bit put upon sometimes, perhaps more at the moment because a lot is going on for me - I feel a bit like I have two children to look after at the mo, lol, so perhaps there's just not space for another adult right now :)
The horses were great, it's that freedom, isn't it? It's their domain and they go where they like, you can't really argue with a horse! And it's lovely when you see people adjusting what they do to accommodate those animals. There's a mill pond near us and a big gaggle of very cheeky geese. There are often queues of traffic there because the geese just wander about on the road to visit the gardens opposite and people just sit there and wait for them to pass. I like it because a lot of people are in such a rush all the time and very full of their own importance so I do love the way that sometimes they just have to sit still and watch the scene unfold :)
We've had a nice day helping to paint our local community centre. I'm just doing a simple meal this evening, I've a film to watch and I'm going to paint my nails and finish off a little pot I'm making to hold a small candle which is going to go out by the front door; another little 'making Tup feel safe' thing that I'm enjoying :)
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