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ART - all my feeling about it right now

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Meh:
Today I might try to write. First I think I need to go get myself some coffee because there is none in the house.

Was on skype and wrote this to a friend who mainly only replies with comments about beer:

"I had an extreme bought of depression and I wrote very deeply about my family background issues and in that I feel like I released a lot of the stimulus that made me paint."

Meh:
I'm thinking about how when I first started writing here I noticed there were operating characters that were like part of my psyche or consciousness. There was the Misses To-Do list.

Right now I just asked myself what is Misses To-Do list now in my life and if she is actually causing me problems.

Meh:
Coffee, bagel in my stomach and I'm just tired. There is a spare room here that hasn't even been used in this someone's investment property. I could have painted in it, could have made use of the space but it's not my house.

Not have a proper space has been difficult for me personally, which is maybe some type of excuse. Some people don't need a space such as graffiti artists :)

Last three days I managed a binge of art related expeditions. Since today is a holiday I just stayed home and am looking at an artists work on-line (El Anatsui).

Staying home is a drain, it doesn't rejuvenate me.

In the past I preferred oil painting, it does require a space. Ventilation. Drying time. Even privacy. You don't really want someone feigning interest because they are bored and have nothing better to do than get in your way. 

Meh:
On some level I think I have started to despise art. Or despise the idea of making art. At this point I think it is symbolic of me being a failure.

Meh:
also when I consider it on one hand I think I was emotionally unhealthy and not happy when I was deeply into art

maybe art doesn't make me happy, maybe I have outgrown the young woman's obsession with beautiful THINGS

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