Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

facing fear and (sort of) doing it anyway

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Hopalong:
Hi folks,
Just wanted to tell y'all what I'm up to. Pretty briefly, or I'll use it as yet another excuse not to keep going.

With a lot of help from a $-savvy friend, I finally have a clear picture of exactly where I am. Without boring anyone (and sensitive to the reality of how profoundly fortunate I am compared to some friends here, which often makes me cringe), here it is.

I have four months to find a new FT job or then I will have exhausted my reserve and have to begin eating through my small pot of retirement savings. This will be bad. My house isn't paid for, though if I hadn't lost my previous job/s, I would've been within striking distance. And, without a new FT position, I will face four or likely more years of a lot of uncertainty.

I have real fear of inadequate resources for old age. It haunts me and disturbs my sleep.

So, I am trying. But not hard enough.

When I am afraid, my ADD gets much worse and my desire to escape the process rises. That leads to time wasted and a spiral of anxiety.

I am doing what I can but very fearful that time will run out and so will my savings. There is no way around this.

In the back of my mind, constantly, is that I'm 66 and in a community where loads and loads of educated young people with a solid decade of good experience (as opposed to my three decades) are competing for every posting I'm applying to.

It's different. My confidence has been shaken.

So that's where I am and why I haven't been writing here at any length lately.

Love to everybody,
Hops

Twoapenny:
I understand the worry about not having enough to be comfortable in the later years, Hopsie.  It worries me and I'm a way off yet so it's a perfectly valid concern!

Is there anything else you could do if need be?  In terms of work, I mean, I'm just wondering if there are any self employed things that would generate a bit of cash, even if it just brought you a bit more time?  Pet sitting, dog walking, baby sitting, a hobby that might make a bit?  Space for a lodger, anything else you can sell, any outgoing that can be trimmed a little?  Clutching at straws a bit, I know, it just seems so unfair that you have this great weight to carry when there have been so many other weights to carry as well.

I wish I had a wand.  If anyone deserves a bit of an easy ride now it's you.  I am keeping everything crossed that something comes up soon xxxxx

Gaining Strength:
I hear your fear.  You've titled this post perfectly.  You are in a difficult town but you are a gift.  You will get that break.  You deserve it Hops.

Hopalong:
Thank you Tupp, ((((Grits)))) and GS...so much.

Tupp, I will do things like that after retirement but my energy now is limited, so it needs to go toward finding FT work. I could burn through a lot of energy finding and managing small fixe$ otherwise. I've got some ideas for PT, irregular work but mainly need a regular salary. If I can't find a FT job then there'll be no choice but to go from gig to gig, etc. I've squeezed expenses as tightly as I can. Thanks for the suggestions though!

GS, I'm grateful. And miss hearing from you. Glad to see you've posted!

xo all
Hops

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: Hopalong on August 04, 2016, 07:52:23 AM ---Thank you Tupp, ((((Grits)))) and GS...so much.

Tupp, I will do things like that after retirement but my energy now is limited, so it needs to go toward finding FT work. I could burn through a lot of energy finding and managing small fixe$ otherwise. I've got some ideas for PT, irregular work but mainly need a regular salary. If I can't find a FT job then there'll be no choice but to go from gig to gig, etc. I've squeezed expenses as tightly as I can. Thanks for the suggestions though!

GS, I'm grateful. And miss hearing from you. Glad to see you've posted!

xo all
Hops

--- End quote ---

You are a smart cookie, Hops, so it makes sense that you've already looked at all the options and I think most people's situations require a full time salary to make life easier.  Am sending bucket loads of love and good vibes your way in the hope that something suitable comes up for you xxx

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