Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Exploring resistence
lighter:
Thanks for the hug and book suggestion.
I lit up for you when you posted about the writing workshop too, Hops.
Art in the desert can only be a good thing, right?
Lighter
lighter:
http://traumahealed.com/articles/not-again-tame-your-fiercest-patterns/
Why won't this link?
Cut and paste may work.
http://traumahealed.com/articles/when-i-started/
I found value in both of these articles. I recognize things, that make sense to me, stated in different ways to help internalize helpful messages.
They aren't long.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Lighter, I so wanted to razz you after reading your unburdening of brain... but I restrained myself. I'm also given to these and my D is mastering it as well. LOL. It really is necessary at times, altho it generally doesn't result in any big breakthroughs or astounding answers. Just relieves the inner pressure.
I also wonder if you mean something different from resistance than I do.
Example: I want to take down the Christmas tree, put the candles away etc minimalist decorating that I did. It took me a week to bring up the 3 smallish boxes; I opened the ones for the balls to be placed in this morning... and there they sit. Resistance, for me, is wanting to do something - even something for me - and just. not. doing. it. Sometimes there are excuses involved; many times not. I've just frittered away the time. It's as if part me reacts to this plan with arms crossed, hmmmpph'ing, tsking, and tapping her foot and just stubbornly refusing.
This is a job that MIGHT take 1/2 an hour of time. It's not physically demanding. But I'm still sitting here looking at it. And I do this a lot, with a lot of things... and I'm trying to change that - like you're trying to change some things. But I wonder if it's a matter of pacing myself?
I did run 10-12 hour days, all day long for weeks prior to the actual driving between the beach and mountains. Physically, I know I'm resting. Mentally, I'm worn out too. My brain isn't nearly as sharp as it should be (yes, I'm taking extra B vitamins) and I can spend all day just sitting; looking; thinking up even more stuff to put on lists so I don't forget it. Some of it is just little stuff; some of it is really important. But I seem to be an on/off person - going 90 miles an hour or in neutral - and not a whole lot of days of in-between.
And those lists are full things I WANT to do - not just "have to". It's an interesting puzzle why some days are so productive and others I have to stand over my own shoulder like a drill sargent or Sister Mary Ellen forcing myself "onward"... while that recalcitrant me is mentally giving her the finger and sticking her tongue out at her.
lighter:
Amber:
My resistance sounds a lot like your definition...... and I understand the 90 mph or idling thing too.
Sometimes I think there's a chemical component.... we wait, procrastinate a bit longer, then it's do or die time leading to a little shot of adrenaline that gives us wave of creative energy, and wouldn't it be nice to be that creative and energetic ALL the time?
I sure think so.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Hmmm. I was calling this "adrenalin addiction". But I'm not entirely sure that's accurate. Or at least, it's not the whole story.
Learning to "pace" myself, is part of it, for sure. Staying present enough to know: it's time to eat now, that's "good enough" for now - I can finish up another day. And another component I'm really sensitive to - is dealing with multiple KINDS of have-tos. Paperwork, legal snafus, finishing another section of wall clean-up, unpacking that box, and putting the filing into a new order in the cabinets while arranging the office... can be a day's typical challenge.
I find I have different brain-spaces for all those kinds of things; or at least I THINK I do. Or part of me thinks I do... because I've kinda be "told" I do. Hops said something yesterday, that has me thinking that part of me is still convinced that I'm some kind dysfunctional weirdo... when in fact - given my current circumstances - what I'm noticing about myself is all really normal. All what someone should EXPECT to experience, in my circumstances... that perhaps, I'm expecting a lot more of myself than is reasonable and kind.
Which kinda circles back to that adrenalin addiction, doesn't it?
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