Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Exploring resistence
Hopalong:
Je suis totally confused...
Thought you were living in a mountain community.
Knew you then moved but thought it was back to a metro area.
But I'm delighted to hear you're near if not on, the sea!
(Though I hope the climate doesn't eat your new home.)
Hugs,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
In the OBX, there is a special treated wood that is the most common material for docks, sea walls - or as we call them, bulkheads...
I can see where vinyl is attractive from the maintenance standpoint, but I honestly don't think it would hold up for this purpose too well. The wood tends to absorb the salty water - which actually makes it seal tighter and become stronger; an actual PART of the environment. This helps it hold the sand where it's supposed to be, and keep the water where it's supposed to be. There is no maintenance really for the wood, except to occasionally screw dock boards back down. (Hint: stainless steel screws and hardware hold up the best in a marine environment.)
I'd expect the life span of something built out of wood (with small preventative maintenance kept up) to be 20-30 years or so. Depending on if your bulkhead is taking actual waves - or simply dealing with the tide on a brackish creek.
That's my two cents on bulkheads, anyway.
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Speaking of resistance, my old neurotic "not wanting to spend any money" hangup is back again... as I start working on the improvements around here and accumulating the tools I really NEED to function here. I'm not at all sure where this "denial of needs" comes from. I could see it if I was blowing money on a rock & roll cruise in the Caribbean or something... or buying a lot clothes that I don't have closet space for... or shoes (ok, I did buy some new Uggs; my current pair are at least 3 years old and I wear them until it's time for flip flops).
lighter:
Hops:
It's confusing, I know, but I'm not ON a mountain right now. I'm near mountains, on trails and forest.... there was another house I rented on a small mountain in 2010 to 2012 I guess.... the one with the bears in the garbage problems. I've done a bit of moving around, I guess, and the Condo on Beech Mountain's been gone for years.
The island house was purchased long ago..... I haven't been there since the girls were 2 and 4yo.
Now that I'm writing about these things again, I'm noticing how much negativity I hold around them.
I'm going to attempt to bring creativity, and joy back to this process. Will see.
Thanks for the info on sea walls, Amber. Everything will work out. I know it will. Once I have information from the neighbor, and the contractor I'll report back, and see what you think.
Lighter
lighter:
Youngest dd14 is surprisingly happy to be planning a trip to the beach with me....happy chattering about it. She doesn't want her sister to go. Not sure how that will work out, but..... maybe a trip to Destin just the two of us. I think both girls should go to Bimini..... it's an investment... a working trip and we should all work at, IMO.
DD16 is experiencing anxiety over planned trip home from boarding school. So am I. I'll write a letter to finish my process... I see closure involving forgiveness, which isn't dd16's idea of closure, and that's OK too.
Important for us to understand there will be backsliding, and recovery for us both. We both have a skewed idea of doing things perfectly..... will have to work on that.
Light
sKePTiKal:
Hooboy. I remember these teenaged years vividly, Lighter, with my two girls. Everyone in the process is tense, anxious, and unclear of where boundaries need to be, should be, or what they are. At least, if you didn't start the process knowing what a boundary was it's like that.
But it sounds like all 3 of you have a pretty good grip on things. And that's good. Just keep talking to each other. The hardest times are now related as funny stories told on oneself by Holly. Amy's still not talking much. But she has a whole ball of yarn to unravel for herself before she gets to the truth about us. Not my yarn, ya know? Holly and I can still yell and release emotions on each other and immediately move on together - the things that have no words - and it totally freaks people out that we can take each other's anger without taking it personally and if it is about us, totally own up to our own responsibility/screw up/and finally figure out what it is we want from each other. LOL.
Not talking is how problems arise.
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