Hops:
Reading your last post made me hungry yesterday. I ate, and never made it back to the board.
Armed with strong coffee, I'm back.
How am I? Feeling untethered, but otherwise whole. I think that's my natural state of being, actually, so maybe not a bad thing. Just something I was growing out of, IMO... hoped I was pretty well past, I suppose.
I pulled weeds yesterday, changed the filter on the AC unit and organized, did laundry..... and feel more grounded.
Today is cool, and breezy so I'll likely pressure wash the driveway, which is pitted and damaged from salt two winters ago. Salt eats cement, guys. No good. I have to clean moss off the roof this year again, and maybe use a chemical to keep it from coming back. I don't want to destroy moss and plants below the roof, so must give this more thought. The neighbor's son is pressing in to be involved. I'm not sure what to make of him, but I don't like that he says unkind things about his gf to me. He's adorable, and likes to talk, I'll say that.
Sometimes I think there must be simple answers to these things, but I'm just not able to access them, or figure them out. Wow, I had to think for a second to remember the current battle with mice. I tend to take any conflict personally, and badly, bc of my dislike for all conflict. That it's not bothering me badly today is a good thing.
So, there were mice under my new car hood when I returned from Canada. I may have mentioned that before. The mice and or nest made the Air Conditioner blow air that smelled like mouse barn, and I'm SO not exaggerating about that. Before I had time to breath and FIX the problem well enough to feel good about it, it was time to travel again. On return, the AC still smells a bit like barn, but it was improved for whatever reason I can't remember now. I set traps, I put out poison, I ran the car, I parked it again and hoped.
It's an odd thing to use poison and traps. I always resist, but I can't lose any battle involving mice or roaches, just can't, so I use, but it's horrifying to know these poisons do what they do to everything that eats it so I go round and round through my head worst case scenarios, etc.
::Nodding::
I really hate the idea of things suffering. It doesn't help me feel tethered, I'll say that. There was one mouse in the house, but he moved to the garage after I moved the bag of bird seed. Now the traps have been empty for days.
I don't hear much from the woodpecker living in the wall behind oldest dd's bed, but the hole is still there, of course. She had babies, and I heard them grow up. Now it's quiet. I wonder if I should cover the opening, or leave it. It worries me to think of what's happening IN he wall, and worries me that the peckers will simply make higher holes I can't reach on the other side of the house if I go to the trouble of dragging the heavy ladder all that way, snip metal, find the screws, and tools, and DO it, only to regret it, and that's my process.
My sister leaves today. Her dd begins University this fall in the US... they live in Canada, so that's got to be hard for them all.
My super edit is about done.... lots of stuff given away and sold. Not enough, but I'm truly grateful for the progress made. The more important task may have been moving all tools to the shed, all art supplies organized in glass fronted cabinets in the garage, games and school supplies to the office loft. It's good. Having the garage emptied bodes well in the mouse struggle, IMO.
I have access to my heavy bag, which I've bounced while noting my lowered tolerance for pain. I'm still resisting regular work outs, for whatever reason. There's so much to be gained of who I was at my strongest... I don't know why I resist. I remember making big efforts in the past, but they involved other people, and that's the mistake I think. It needs to just be me, and if someone joins then they do. Old habits are hard to break. I worked out for years with a group of like minded people, and didn't realize how special it was. I have to create something new, and stop whining about it not being what it was.... it's done.
My whiny little child inside isn't happy about any of it, I'll tell you. She's holding her breath, and turning blue.
Lighter
