Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
new job story
Hopalong:
Thanks, (((((Tupp)))).
I slept for about 12 hours and then slept some more, clutching dog.
I think my nervous system just didn't know how to manage this too well,
so I was having some wild mood swings.
It was like, just weeks ago it got the message, "I am SAFE!"
And then Thursday, "Wait, WHAT?"
I am exasperated that this person was so reckless with the truth,
but also realize that being delusional isn't exactly something she planned.
And I could spend ages being annoyed or whatever, or I could just reinterpret it:
I had no job, I found an interesting one and enjoyed it for 3 months PT and 2 weeks
FT, and that was better than having no income at all during those months.
My goal is still to forestall drawing down SS before I'm 70 and that's a little over
3 years from now. So maybe it would be more realistic for me to tell myself,
you're going to do a whole series of PT/one-off and/or freelance things, because
that's just the nature of employment at this age.
And stay open to things, keep looking, and not let fears take over. It also could
be interesting.
Thanks for the absolution and encouragement, Tupp, I always need both.
(Plus the last push on the mortgage, dammit. It's really very small but it
looms large to me.)
Hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
Aw Hops I do feel for you, I've had so many times when things haven't worked out despite the fact I've worked my tinies off (and we're raised on that work mantra, aren't we, work hard and do your best and it will all be okay, and sometimes it just isn't despite the fact that you've put in 110 % effort). It takes so much energy to pick yourself up and dust yourself off to start again and yes, I recognise that nervous system shut down when going to bed is the only option. I'd forgotten you had your lovely pooch, though! Pets are so amazing to have around. I do really admire the way you look for the positives, refuse to let anger and resentment take up too much space (because it is soooo annoying when we suffer in some way because of someone else's situation) and I really do hope that enough part time/freelance/agency or whatever it is comes along to keep you ticking over. Glad you have the pooch there to keep you company, I am typing this with the cat stretched out on the table with her head resting in the crook of my elbow (looks very uncomfortable for her as her head's bobbing up and down while I type but she seems to like it!).
Lots of love to you,
Tup xx
lighter:
Ahhhh, I don't understand how recent old boss made it in business this long if she's so incompetent. IS she that incompetent or is this just a phase? Did she have a better work ethic at one time? WILL it come again, do'ya think? If so, do you see any possible benefit to you in considering a partnership?
Would you consider taking a percentage of the company in exchange for implementing your program to grow the business? This is your wheelhouse.
THIS is a chance for you and someone N boss cheated to build something that lifts you both up, and offers some measure of karmic justice?
Or not?
In any case it bothers me very much when you're able to carry out your plans. This seemed so right...... in so many ways.
I don't know what business this is, frankly. Maybe I'm way off base here, but it seems like investing in yourself, and your abilities could be an option? Can you implement the plan without a loan? WILL it pay off and justify investment in the company if possible?
What I do know is that you're an enduring, supportive presence on this forum, and your 3D friends are lucky to be a part of your life. It's comforting to know you're able to ask for help, and willing to accept it. You're worthy of care, Hops. You're a good friend.
(((((Hops))))))
Hear, hear to living sans fear. All will be well. Even if it feels like things are going sideways..... it's going to be OK.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Hi Lighter,
I wouldn't consider any form of partnership as her irresponsibility runs deep. She is not well grounded in reality so, imo, would be unsafe to rely on even in small ways. (She does not keep her word--daily she would commit to being somewhere or reviewing something the next day and--this is not an exaggeration--14 times out of 15 it was completely meaningless.) She was able to run a retail shop for a long time, and with help from her mother to purchase the building...so now she has that rental income. She's okay but perhaps was enabled over her lifetime--and with the change she's going through her own executive function problems have increased, I believe.
At any rate, her mind's on her transition and she literally doesn't want to work (said so to me, very confusingly, after months of enthusiastic talk). I think finally recognizing that as owner/CEO she really would have to engage for us to pull it off turned her off, plus she wasn't in reality about the potential for financing. She had asked me if I would go to the bank and present my skills/experience to support her application and I'd said happy to, when? No followup, no answer. They may have shut her down completely but she wasn't fully transparent with me about all that. She found being present in the process a very unwelcome distraction. It was pulling teeth to get her to be involved an hour or two a few days a week. She's just not engaged and the expansion was a fantasy. I enjoyed her and it while it lasted, but the whole thing wasn't to be.
You're right that it WAS positive for us to share our old Nboss stories--he really damaged both of us. But I wouldn't want to stay focused on that history anyway.
There is no program though thanks for crediting me for what I got done (a lot). It requires money for materials, development of an ecommerce site, production costs, shipping...all of it. I do not have money with which to build or invest in a business, and have no interest in debt (I'm down to a small mortgage balance only and it's better for me given my ADD and math challenges to avoid anything financially complex) so new work will have to be dependent on my writing/editing experience. Not business and not startups. (Unless they straight-up need a writer/editor, then I'm game.)
Anyway, I don't know what I'll do next but am open to discovery. And just now, trying mostly to stay calm. There's just no point in panic so I'm trying to use acceptance and being as present as I can, to chase off the fear thinking. But it's difficult.
Today I needed to spend hours updating my expenses spreadsheet but suddenly found it overwhelmingly important to clean the kitchen and bake cookies. Thoughts of my Dad help. And the presence of my dog who really doesn't have any interest in retirement calculations.
Thanks for the support, Lighter.
Hops
lighter:
Well..... it was a nice distraction while it lasted.
So it'll be writing.
Somehow....
writing.
It's one of your gifts. You should use it. You will use it.
Lighter
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