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Tools support group

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Ales2:
Ok, so I found a new support group (10 people max), a 4 week session weds nites from 7-8:15 or so. Its based on the teachings of the 2012 book- The Tools by Phil Stutz, MD and Barry Michels JD, LCSW both of whom I have met at a small group lecture.  $100 for 4 weekly sessions, very reasonable.

Group deals with understanding each tool and applying it to daily life.  Its a productivity/creativity/confidence/courage type group although we also deal with Inner Authority or the shadow, so it has a little bit of the psychology that holds us back without being heavy analysis of childhood issues (I can't go through that again- I need a moving forward type group).The facilitator is also a published author herself and has a long TV resume, which seems like a very good combination for my needs, i.e she understands the business I deal with.

I will let you know how this goes.

Here is the link to the book we work from:
http://www.thetoolsbook.com/

Hopalong:
Very intriguing, Ales!
I hope it will be very useful for you.

Here's an article on this therapy -- fascinating.
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2011/03/21/hollywood-shadows

hugs
Hops

Twoapenny:
That sounds great, Ales, let us know if you find it helpful if you get the chance to?  I understand what you mean about not wanting any more childhood analysis; I think you get to a point where you want the past to be the past and not to keep tripping over it.  The group sounds good, would be very interested in knowing how you find it :)

Ales2:
Well, the first session was disappointing. 

The facilitator knew my intention/goal of joining the group was to deal with the long dry spell in my TV work.  When I got there and we went through that issue, her response was the Tools won't help with that and had I considered other options and was I open to other things. Luckily, I responded positively and remained upbeat, despite the negativity of her comments. She then went around and gave positive encouragement to others. I noticed and that made me question why I attract that.

This morning, I woke up with an understanding of why I got negativity and they got encouragement. I was doing the work to find work, I'm motivated and pro-active, the others were in a passive state, not proactive at all.  There was no way to for her to encourage me or resolve my issue, but she could encourage them to take action which she did. My takeaway was that active critics probably can't be encouraged (they will always be critics - which is me totally) but the passive/inactive can be encouraged to be active through the tool called reversal of desire. We were all given an assignment to find what we could do this week.

One thing I noticed was that my smallness and ambivalence, which I talked about in other posts went away. Trust me when I say I don't choose to be small, I choose to be bigger but that is not always what works out. Im also not ambivalent as I discovered last night, I am actually very determined and ambitious, even if at my worst I'm cynical, critical and lazy.

As I left, one of the other participants came up to me and we talked.  She is a TV writer and understands my predicament. Anyway, it was nice to meet someone new.

I plan to stick out the 4 sessions.  After what I just wrote, I feel like the group can be a gauge that I can figure things out for myself.   :D

Hopalong:
Really glad you're going to stick it through, Ales.

As the possessor of a VERY fine-tuned critical instinct, let me mention something--bear in mind that even if you are or MIGHT BE "right" in the way you assess experiences or people...reflex criticism is (although often intelligent skepticism) also a defense mechanism. At least mine is. Sometimes I'm grateful for it, and sometimes I (belatedly) recognize that it added to my isolation because of the critical spirit I was hauling into every new setting.

Could you experiment with trust, within safe levels? Like trust in a process experience without so much judgement or evaluation of everybody else, including the facilitator?

I wonder if when you do trust someone, whether (like so many of us children of Ns) you experience your own boundaries and sense of self dissolving. If that's so, you can push back against that with rational self-talk. Remember that you are not pathetic, you are not a child, you are not looking for a guru to save you, and you're OPEN to learning some new ways.

That's my (unsolicited) advice, anyway. An open mind doesn't have to be a defenseless mind.

I believe in you!

Hugs
Hops

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