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Forgiveness

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JustKathy:

--- Quote ---Her "remorse moment"--it wasn't really remorse toward me, but it was empathy for me in that moment.
--- End quote ---

When weighing the two, I really feel that empathy is much harder, and requires more actual emotion than remorse does. Any sign of empathy coming from an N is HUGE. I think I could have forgiven my NM (at least internally) if I had witnessed empathy.

Just thinking about the two, remorse could be nothing more than a tinge of guilt. For example, I once reprimanded an employee for going through my desk and stealing something. Today, I feel some remorse for coming down so hard on the guy, but I can’t empathize with him for what was basically bad workplace behavior. Convicted killers often tell the families of their victims that they feel remorse prior to sentencing, but rarely do those victims say that they felt empathy from the person. Remorse is more of an apology, where empathy is a true heartfelt emotion.

You may be right that your mother’s long lifespan gave her the time she needed to really reflect on things. My mother passed at the relatively young age of 74. When you’ve made it to 98, I think your views change for a number of reasons. Perhaps the aging mind lets go of some of the narcissist traits, possibly involuntarily. From what we know, it’s a learned behavior. Here’s a thought. Would an elderly N with dementia or Alzheimer’s unlearn or forget the behavior? Either way, I'm so very glad that your mother arrived at that place. It may not have done much for her at that age, but sounds like a pretty life-altering moment for you.

Hugs.

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