Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
How Do You Manage Your Stress?
Twoapenny:
I know, isn't it weird, you finally get the peace that you long for - and it feels odd and you don't quite know what to do with it!
Anyway - I decided to try and focus on one achievement a day and to write it up on the wall, so I feel like I am making positive progress with something. My son has had a rash come up on his legs which I was worried might be to do with his medication so my aim for today was to get that sorted out, which we have done. We've done quite a few other bits and pieces as well but that was the thing on the achievement list so I've ticked that box :)
Twoapenny:
I'm feeling quite rough, I think because of the lack of caffeine, and I didn't get much sleep as my son was up in the night so today has been very tiring. I went to see a lady about a little cleaning job and I've got it. I'm really pleased, it's just up the road, I can take my son and it's a bit of extra money which I am going to save up and use for 'turning Tup into a fun loving human again' type stuff. We saw the doc yesterday; the rash is in fact stretch marks which I had no idea kids could get but apparently that's what it is. She also confirmed what I suspected about the consultant which is that he's not made any of the referrals he said he would, so we are once again without any kind of medical input and I am so angry and fed up with it all. I am going to complain and sort out the referrals myself but I do just get so fed up with this kind of passive aggressive behaviour; we've had years now of people saying one thing to my face and then doing another behind my back and I find it frustrating that I can't have it out with this man and tell him exactly what I think about him.
I have also been quite vocal on Facebook today and had a lengthy political disagreement with someone and been quite blunt to someone else who chimed in with a pointless comment. I usually avoid conflict and drama, particularly on social media, but for some reason today I felt I wanted to say my bit so I have done. It got to the point where the discussion was going round in circles so I said I was going to leave it there but the other person has carried on regardless - I've let them, they can waffle on to themselves for the rest of the night.
I do feel quite fiesty at the minute and I don't usually. I usually want to play nice and be everyone's friend but at the minute I feel like punching people and telling them exactly what I think. Not sure why exactly (and I'm at home so I won't be punching anybody) but I do feel very angry, about a lot of things, I think, and I'm starting to wonder why I always keep quiet.
Anyway, generally not feeling great but I'm hoping that as I adjust to being caffeine free again I won't feel so bad and I am starting to think that being angry once in a while probably isn't a bad thing.
Twoapenny:
I am feeling a little bit cross with myself. I am finding I don't want to be around people and that this is generally either because people I know offload on me, or because they waffle on about petty, insignificant things that are of no interest to me. I am realising that I generally just sort of go along with this - part of wanting to be nice, maybe? But I'm getting cross with myself when I realise that I have so much to do that giving my time to others is generally not a good idea, and that I've spent years letting people offload their woes onto my shoulders before they go to enjoy their evening with friends and family, whilst I then sit indoors on my own with my own, and everyone else's, woes in my lap. I've noticed this before at times but not really followed through with being firm with others, I think. Everyone I know has got other people in their lives on a close, daily basis, and I really don't have that. So I do need to be a lot tougher in that regard and not let myself be a dumping ground for everybody else's troubles.
I've also had to go through some old paperwork as it's relevant to a current situation with my son and I needed to find some old letters to show how long a particular situation has been going on for. Apart from being very impressed with my filing system (I found what I needed in a matter of minutes in amongst, I would guess, about two thousand bits of paper) it also did hit home just how much we've been through over the years (and how much of it is documented). And that made me realise that the only person who really knows how bad it all was is probably my therapist at the time, who I offloaded the entire thing onto over a period of months. I do need to be firmer about this and stop letting people use my time up in a way that isn't beneficial to me. I do feel very tired and grumpy but I think that might be the kick up the bum that I need to stop doing this to myself.
Twoapenny:
I am waffling away at the moment, it's funny because I've felt very stuck for the last few days and unable to express myself or move very much and now it all seems to be flowing out endlessly :)
I was quite pleased because I realised there was a time (not so long ago) when the Facebook spat would have triggered a lot in me, and it hasn't. The other person wasn't taking any notice of what I was saying and just kept repeating their point of view (which was nothing to do with what I'd originally posted anyway) - that's a common tactic of my mum's. When I tried to end the (pointless) discussion by saying we'll agree to disagree they twisted that to make it seem that I was suggesting something altogether different (it doesn't make a lot of sense trying to explain it on here but I don't want to recount the whole conversation as it went on a bit and it was quite boring :) ). I was rude at that point and made it very clear the discussion was over as far as I was concerned and they still came back again so I ignored the whole thing. Today they tried to reignite the discussion so I've deleted the post. It was all very reminiscent of a discussion with my mum and I realised this evening that there have been times when this sort of thing has happened before and I have been in a tizz about it for days because it's brought so much old stuff up. But it really hasn't happened this time; I was annoyed but only to the point of switching off the computer and I don't feel bad about being rude to him because he was rude (usually I feel like I shouldn't have let my 'nice girl' facade slip but this time I didn't care). Anyway I just needed to waffle on about it before I went to bed :)
lighter:
Waffle away, Tupp.
What I love most about the whole FB exchange is your ability to recognize old struggle, and not get so hooked into it.
It's tremendous growth when we no longer need others to understand our POV. Esp those who can't hear us.... just drop the rope. Yes.
I wonder when that'll shift into habit, so's we don't have to think about it any more.
I've always seen those WITH proper boundaries as sort of..... intimidating.
Sometimes scary.
There's a place where understanding why I felt that way...... calms my nervous system, and brings comfort in occupying Proper Boundary Land.
BEING there..... myself.
I still have anxiety when I'm around people with really good boundaries.... and I'm not feeling like I'm there with them. It's like ..... is it like I have to be unfaithful to the part I grew up with, or am used to playing (good girl) or what?
I know this....
I've noticed for many years that I'm very comfortable in the position of helper/do'er. My esteem was closely tied, in many ways not all, to being of service.
I still haven't learned how to comfortably BE with everyone in my world. I'm still sorting it out, and paying attention to it.
About walking away from a misunderstanding or difference of opinion with a (wounded) person who can't hear you..... I did that last year. Just signed off, and didn't bother to respond at all... not one explanation. It was comforting, and felt SO right to drop the rope, then go do something for myself.
About not getting the proper promised referrals...... I don't know how your system works, but everyone has managers somewhere. Can you gain something by going to the next tier of power in this situation?
Lighter
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version