Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
How Do You Manage Your Stress?
Twoapenny:
Choices are funny though, aren't they? I look back at some of my choices and they weren't the best ones to make but given everything that had happened before they were probably the most likely. I do wonder how much is free will and how much we are influenced by things that have gone before - which kind of means someone else made those choices for us. It's the sort of thing that ties my head in knots :)
I did apologise to Sis; when I read back what I'd messaged her (in relation to the reading) it was quite insensitive. I'd had a couple of glasses of wine and a crappy day so that had made me less aware of someone else's feelings than I would usually be. So I did apologise and she was fine about it and said she hadn't thought it was that great either. There are some blessings to text, at least you've actually got it in front of you so you can see what you said rather than getting your memory muddled up :)
Observing and trying to just accept and let it be is something I find difficult. I was thinking today that the thing I find really difficult with regards to my son is that he'll probably never be able to live completely independently, and I know the thought of leaving him without provision really scares me. I do find myself constantly trying to put things in place for the future whilst knowing it's pretty impossible to do that. Not too sure how to get around that, other than continuing to try and make him as independent as possible while I can.
I did think this morning that I feel pulled in many different directions and find it difficult to attend to all the different parts of my life. There's the spiritual, internal development part of myself and the fun loving, let's just enjoy ourselves part of me, that I feel is very undernourished. There's the mum trying to make provision for the future, mum trying to be a mum in the here and now, mum trying to deal with doctors and other public sector agencies. Then there's the every day stuff, housework, gardening, laundry and so on, the daily juggle with money and trying to work out ways to change things in the future. I always seem to feel that if I pay enough attention to one area then everything else seems to slide. Does anyone else feel like that? And if so, how do you manage it?
I am having a nice, quiet day today, no rushing about, I did a nice meditation this morning, I've been tidying the flat and sorting out little bits of paperwork whilst talking to the cat. I do enjoy quiet days where there's no urgent need to do things, you can just potter and do a little bit of what you fancy.
lighter:
Hi Tupp:
You're such a good mom. I wish you and your son had more family support than you do. On that note, I'm glad you patched things over with your sis if it made you feel better. The important part, IMO, was that you expressed your feelings, which you're entitled to do. YES yes yes.... no need to feel guilty. People will just have to get used to it.
::nodding::
Honestly, nobody multi tasks perfectly. Everyone lets something slide if they're doing something really well, IME.
Sometimes I think those who move constantly.... without relenting.... are people running from something... being chased. Everyone has things they need to do, or wish they could do better. Clutter and paperwork happen to be easier to spot.
In 100 years... will a bit of clutter and undone paperwork matter? I think not.
(((Tupp))) It's OK to pay more attention to your feelings than other adult's, IMO. It might feel weird, or wrong, but..... it's OK.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on May 16, 2017, 01:02:53 AM ---Hi Tupp:
You're such a good mom. I wish you and your son had more family support than you do. On that note, I'm glad you patched things over with your sis if it made you feel better. The important part, IMO, was that you expressed your feelings, which you're entitled to do. YES yes yes.... no need to feel guilty. People will just have to get used to it.
::nodding::
Honestly, nobody multi tasks perfectly. Everyone lets something slide if they're doing something really well, IME.
Sometimes I think those who move constantly.... without relenting.... are people running from something... being chased. Everyone has things they need to do, or wish they could do better. Clutter and paperwork happen to be easier to spot.
In 100 years... will a bit of clutter and undone paperwork matter? I think not.
(((Tupp))) It's OK to pay more attention to your feelings than other adult's, IMO. It might feel weird, or wrong, but..... it's OK.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Yep, I felt apologising was the right thing, I was insensitive and as much as I want to speak my mind and stop being a people pleaser, I equally don't want to turn into a complete arsehole that tramples over people without caring so I felt like I got the balance right there :)
The rest of the week has been a nightmare, though, I have been soooo tired and feel awful, very achy and lethargic and I've done something hideous to my back so it's really sore. We've had another problem with the hospital that has caused yet more delay and I just had a meltdown earlier. I am so sick of having to do so much work because other people aren't doing what they're paid to do, and sick of tidying up other people's mess. We just don't have an option to cut these people out because there's really nowhere else to go but the stress they are causing is doing more harm to me than they will do good for him, I feel. I have also found myself begrudging other people's news and not wanting to listen to people talking about their holidays and nights out because I'm fed up with never getting either. So it's not been a great week, I've stomped about in a bad mood and collapsed on the sofa frequently. I've absolutely no energy for anything at the moment. I did go for acupuncture yesterday so I'm hoping I will start to feel better soon but at the moment I just want to curl up in a corner and never move again.
In other news, we've had a lot of rain and when I went out to cut the grass this morning the garden had exploded! Everything has grown so much, and not in a good way! It's very overgrown now but I'm going to leave cutting things back until the autumn when everything starts to die off. For now I'm just concentrating on keeping the grass under control and working on the van; they're my two main objectives for the moment. Then I want to get on with decorating the flat and I'll save the garden until last.
lighter:
Tupp:
About the apology to your sister... it takes practice to get the balance right, and you're bravely taking up that quest. The more you do it, the less alarming it will likely feel.
I know how frustrating it is to pay people to do their jobs, and find they're not only NOT doing their jobs, but sabotaging you.... actually harming children they're supposed to be helping. I wish I could say something uplifting, but there's only perseverance and doing everything you can to get the best possible outcome...... and then releasing expectation.
You can't do more than you can do. You can't. You can't control those bastages in positions of authority and control over you and your son's care..... you can only slog through paperwork, and phone calls, then follow up. Speak calmly, and stick to the important things. You know this drill better than anyone, IME. You'll do your best, and make peace with it somehow, bc that's all you can do.
About feeling lethargic and achy.... me too. What IS that? My hips, which normally never hurt. My shoulders, which only hurt when I eat wheat typically...... my knees..... which usually don't bug me at all...... and my toes, which usually DO bug me are fine. Maybe it's the warm weather, and breaking out sandals? Different shoes? I know I've started back with supplements, and eat more gf bread than normal lately, but.... it's concerning.
If you have lower back trouble, lay on the floor or stand against the wall and try tilting your pelvis upwards.... little micro movements up, then back flat, and up again. It's hard to stretch those muscles, but that helps me sometimes. Better to try in private; ) SO looks like dirty dancing, lol.
I'm not getting everything on my to do list done, but I'm steadily getting big things done that take a lot of time. Laundering all the quilts for the back porch, and all the beds, and guest sleeping spaces..... fresh and lovely.
I've been re reading parenting books I read when dd16 initially went into the Wilderness Program. It's encouraging to find my comprehension has improved a good deal. Sometimes I can't believe they're the same books.... like I'm reading them with a different brain, if that makes sense.
I hope your back feels better soon. Working in the garden likely does your soul good, as does being out in nature.
Lighter
Bettyanne:
Two a penny.....your right a child with cerebral palsy and a N mother not a good fit.....and I wonder why God would aline such a duo? makes no sense to me at all. OMG being physically normal and a N mother is sick enough to ruin your life forever. He could not talk....walk or feed himself. He had no control over any part of his body. My dad was very good to him.....and my dad really was mom and dad all in one.....but he was a jumper for my mother and she took advantage of my dad......so I never learned I could say NO to my mother because my dad had no say in anything.
My grandmother died at age 87 but she was in bed the last 3 years of her life......my dad got sick with melanoma and was given 3 months to live ....after my dad died my brother lost all interest to live with my NM taking care of him. He went to skin and bones and died 5 months after my dad. And my grandmother died the month after my brother. My dad was 51 when he died, my brother 24 and grandmother 87....my NM went to live to 100 and she was such a asshole...the old saying is true sometimes the good die young??
My NM was a like a bird.....free to do all the things she never did before.....but in that she blamed so much on me...she became meaner then I ever saw her.....because her husband wasn't there to wipe her ass.....he told me before he died to take care of her.....I wish he didn't do that to me.....but he was caught in my mother's spider nest.
I don't know about any of your ladies....but I never ever had a normal day in childhood.....my therapist said I don't ever know what normal is? or how normal acts? some of my kids that got caught in my mother's nest too are not nice to me.
My oldest daughter oldest daughter who just graduated from college......my daughter invited me to graduation and then uninvited me??? it has been very painful these past few days.....my mothers died 5 years next month and I feel like her legacy goes on.....
sadly Bettyanne......
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