Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
How Do You Manage Your Stress?
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on May 20, 2017, 03:22:53 PM ---Tupp:
About the apology to your sister... it takes practice to get the balance right, and you're bravely taking up that quest. The more you do it, the less alarming it will likely feel.
I know how frustrating it is to pay people to do their jobs, and find they're not only NOT doing their jobs, but sabotaging you.... actually harming children they're supposed to be helping. I wish I could say something uplifting, but there's only perseverance and doing everything you can to get the best possible outcome...... and then releasing expectation.
You can't do more than you can do. You can't. You can't control those bastages in positions of authority and control over you and your son's care..... you can only slog through paperwork, and phone calls, then follow up. Speak calmly, and stick to the important things. You know this drill better than anyone, IME. You'll do your best, and make peace with it somehow, bc that's all you can do.
About feeling lethargic and achy.... me too. What IS that? My hips, which normally never hurt. My shoulders, which only hurt when I eat wheat typically...... my knees..... which usually don't bug me at all...... and my toes, which usually DO bug me are fine. Maybe it's the warm weather, and breaking out sandals? Different shoes? I know I've started back with supplements, and eat more gf bread than normal lately, but.... it's concerning.
If you have lower back trouble, lay on the floor or stand against the wall and try tilting your pelvis upwards.... little micro movements up, then back flat, and up again. It's hard to stretch those muscles, but that helps me sometimes. Better to try in private; ) SO looks like dirty dancing, lol.
I'm not getting everything on my to do list done, but I'm steadily getting big things done that take a lot of time. Laundering all the quilts for the back porch, and all the beds, and guest sleeping spaces..... fresh and lovely.
I've been re reading parenting books I read when dd16 initially went into the Wilderness Program. It's encouraging to find my comprehension has improved a good deal. Sometimes I can't believe they're the same books.... like I'm reading them with a different brain, if that makes sense.
I hope your back feels better soon. Working in the garden likely does your soul good, as does being out in nature.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Yes to all of that, Lighter! I'm wondering for me if all the aches and pains and generally feeling blurgh are anything to do with menopause? I've definitely been having other symptoms so I'm wondering if it's all connected together. But also I think (with me) it's a lot to do with boredom, in the sense that I spend so much time doing things I've already done, like chasing up doctors and trying to sort out appointments and read up on stuff for my son, when I want to be rolling down a big hill without a care in the world and basking in the sunshine at the bottom (although with my back at the moment that probably isn't a good idea, lol). The dirty dancing moves sound fun enough to try with or without back pain, at the mo I feel like I've pulled a muscle on one side and maybe trapped the nerve as well, it's very painful when I move but I also get a sharp shooting pain at times all the way down my leg and up to my neck as well. I've been doing some veeeeery gentle yoga for back pain and it is easing off so hopefully on the road to recovery.
And yes, people working hard to stop you doing the best you can by your kids - what is that about? We are slowly getting there, other doctors that I've contacted are being helpful, the GP is doing what she can to help, someone very kindly offered to help me with the admin - it's a bit too complicated a situation to get someone else involved, to be honest, by the time I explain what needs doing I could do it myself but it was lovely to have the offer and that alone helped. My son is doing better in himself, I have realised that I am scared of him relapsing because I don't feel I could cope at the minute. So some of the problem is my anxiety but, as I said to someone yesterday, it's well founded anxiety. I'm really struggling now so I'm not willing to start pushing him until I've got some support in place in case things get harder.
Are you still being dive bombed by cicadas? :)
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Bettyanne on May 23, 2017, 12:05:16 AM ---Two a penny.....your right a child with cerebral palsy and a N mother not a good fit.....and I wonder why God would aline such a duo? makes no sense to me at all. OMG being physically normal and a N mother is sick enough to ruin your life forever. He could not talk....walk or feed himself. He had no control over any part of his body. My dad was very good to him.....and my dad really was mom and dad all in one.....but he was a jumper for my mother and she took advantage of my dad......so I never learned I could say NO to my mother because my dad had no say in anything.
My grandmother died at age 87 but she was in bed the last 3 years of her life......my dad got sick with melanoma and was given 3 months to live ....after my dad died my brother lost all interest to live with my NM taking care of him. He went to skin and bones and died 5 months after my dad. And my grandmother died the month after my brother. My dad was 51 when he died, my brother 24 and grandmother 87....my NM went to live to 100 and she was such a asshole...the old saying is true sometimes the good die young??
My NM was a like a bird.....free to do all the things she never did before.....but in that she blamed so much on me...she became meaner then I ever saw her.....because her husband wasn't there to wipe her ass.....he told me before he died to take care of her.....I wish he didn't do that to me.....but he was caught in my mother's spider nest.
I don't know about any of your ladies....but I never ever had a normal day in childhood.....my therapist said I don't ever know what normal is? or how normal acts? some of my kids that got caught in my mother's nest too are not nice to me.
My oldest daughter oldest daughter who just graduated from college......my daughter invited me to graduation and then uninvited me??? it has been very painful these past few days.....my mothers died 5 years next month and I feel like her legacy goes on.....
sadly Bettyanne......
--- End quote ---
So much loss, Bettyanne, so many people so close together like that, it's a horrible state of affairs.
Yes, my first therapist explained to me that my perception of 'normal' was very different to most people's as we grew up with totally different boundaries and priorities to most other people, which then paved the way for all sorts of problems as an adult. I had no idea that any of what I'd been through was abusive, either, I remember my T, many years ago, talking about how I'd had this abusive childhood and been neglected and so on and I thought she's muddled me up with another patient! And being the people pleaser that I was I didn't say anything because I didn't want to upset her. It wasn't until she cited specific examples that I realised she was talking about me, and at that point I said "do you mean my childhood was abusive? I thought you were talking about someone else". She gave me this real look of, I don't know, empathy? And just nodded her head and said, yes, I was talking about you. You had an abusive childhood. You were neglected and emotionally abused. Someone framing it like that suddenly made a lot of things make sense, I think it was a real turning point for me.
I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your D and hope that gets sorted out soon? It is an enduring legacy, unfortunately :( x
Hopalong:
Bettyanne,
I'm so sorry. I would be very hurt, too.
I can hear how heavy your heart is right now.
You carry so many hard memories.
How can you invite yourself back into the present?
What are some things you might do every day to love yourself?
I'm really sorry it's been so hard.
Hops
Bettyanne:
Wow....Twoapenny.....OMG being through abuse and thinking your T was talking about someone else!!! How sad is that...I knew nothing felt good to me from my NM and her mother....but my dad was kind but he was also from a abusive family or dysfunctional family both fit. My dad's family totally unkind people. My dad told me his dad had broken a broom stick over his back and hurt his mother because she was trying to protect him. I think my dad didn't see anything wrong with my mother because of what he came from. Abusive is abuse is abuse....on top of dysfunctional people.
I knew NM had something wrong with her when I would go to friends homes. The other mothers cooked and cleaned their homes and even went to the grocery store to buy food. Mine hated to do any of what I mentioned but acted like she was so smart because she was a secretary to men at Travelers Insurance Co. I figured out she worked for minimum wage and had a eighth grade education with a year of business school. Considering her mother went to 3 reader in Ireland she was brilliant. I was told from my a cousin on my father's side they considered her brilliant. OMG
It truly takes a lifetime and with NM dying at 100 she went the whole 9 yards....and it was like she knew it too!!
Thank you so much for your kind responses......Bettyanne
Twoapenny:
I'm going through a really odd phase of wanting to go and apologise to my mum so that she'll like me again. It was a common pattern when I was a child. I'd upset her in some way, she wouldn't speak to me for days and would show very strongly how disappointed she was in me, I'd grovel and be nice with a capital N and eventually she'd relent and be nice to me. I can still remember the relief I used to feel when she gave in and ended the seige, and I find I'm longing for that relief now. It's not something I will act on, obviously, and I wondered if it means the anger I feel is finally dissipating (as I generally find with me that once my anger subsides I find there is sorrow and sadness underneath it).
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