Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

How Do You Manage Your Stress?

<< < (35/39) > >>

Twoapenny:
Hi Lighter,

Thank you for both of those posts.  Options in the UK are almost non existent.  Funding has been cut considerably and will continue to be cut.  Public opinion is that generally disabled people are second class citizens who don't deserve the same rights and quality of life that non disabled people do (or to be more specific, that's the opinion of the ruling party who have just been voted back in for the third time).  I don't know if our election makes the news over there but they're now talking about a partnership with another party who are even more regressive than they are.  Politically it's a very worrying time for anyone who supports equality and just generally wants people to get along and be respectful of one another.  Thank you for asking the question as it's helping me think things through in my mind :)

When I got into teaching my plan was to teach all over the world, taking my son with me.  I was hoping to teach in well paid international schools some of the time (which my son would attend) and then, having got money saved up, teach voluntarily in other places or just travel without working.  Initially I experienced a lot of depression after my son was born which delayed all of that and then his problems started to show up.  It's interesting that looking back I can see that the biggest obstacle was put in place by my mum, which I hadn't really realised before.

Soooooo - putting aside practicality and sensibleness for the moment, what I'd love to do is spend the next twenty years traveling the world with my son (assuming that he wanted to).  In our little camper van for the most part, although not practical in every area but generally on the move, working when we needed to, spending as much or as little time as we wanted in different places, no plan, just seeing how we went, who we met and where we ended up.

The obstacle for me is that he can't, at fifteen, be left safely on his own for any length of time and he's not expected to develop the capacity to be able to do that, which in turn means he is expected to always need 'someone' to look after him.  Obviously never say never but I am not stepping in to the future assuming he'll be able to look after himself.  We live in a country with very little good quality care for disabled people so I don't feel I can just get on with my life knowing he'll be well looked after; he does well now because of the work I put in but there's a constant battle with the authorities and it's very draining.

Either way it means stepping into the unknown, and what I find difficult is that I'm fine about stepping into the unknown myself because I can deal with whatever life throws at me.  He doesn't have the capacity for the same skills so I think the thing that scares me is that I might be putting him at risk with whatever I try to do.  It's one thing for me to have a crap time because I misjudge something but I really struggle with the idea of him being harmed or having an awful time because I misjudge something.

The way I see things at the moment is that I can fight for care for him, knowing that the fight might need to be renewed every year as they change the funding levels, that the care might be substandard, that him being in one place then restricts me to being based in one place and so on.  Traveling appeals to me enormously, but I know he would struggle with some aspects, us being together constantly drives us both mad at times plus we'd need an incredibly expensive insurance package (due to his health problems) and money to live on as we moved around.

I'm aware that I have a really strong need to find something to put in place that I know will keep him safe and happy for the rest of his life and I know I can't actually do that and I think that's what really bothers me.  I'm thinking at the moment to just try to do more of the things we like, get out in the world more and hope that brings us into contact with the sort of people that would be good to have around.  I'm not really sure I can do much more at the minute.  What do you think? x

Twoapenny:
Went for another nice walk this morning, took some more photos (this time of a Lego gorilla in natural settings, lol).  Was thinking on way around of ways to make money without being tied to one place or a job - blogging, selling photos, articles, short stories (or long ones!).  He struggles when things aren't the same, I thrive on it.  Home again now, lots to do today, was thinking how another boy his age (15) would have his own plans for the weekend or would just be out with his mates or sat doing his homework without the need for me to get involved too much.  Books for sailing arrived, very good waterproof one that explains how to tie knots (very handy I thought) and a good introduction to sailing that explains all the technical stuff and lots about the weather and how to read it by the cloud formations and so on.  Lots of pictures so very helpful for him (and me!).  Perhaps we'll go on our travels by boat :)

Twoapenny:
I've just had an idea; I could try this out without making any big plans or commitments.  If I start a blog about days out and trips away I could see if I can make money from writing and selling photos, we could try things like voluntary work at communes in the UK and see how that works out, whether or not my son can cope with it and so on, and just keep building up or abandon it if it become apparent that it just doesn't suit him and it won't work out.  Why did I not think of this before? Lol.  We can practise without having to give up our home or risk being stuck somewhere with no money, probably make some good contacts as well and maybe even find some other families that fancy traveling with their older but still dependent offspring, I can't be the only one?  Feel nervous about going 'public' as it were, still scared of social services and my mum causing problems but I could start off just writing it up as a diary until I feel more confident and then start putting it online.  Maybe even a Facebook/online group for people with health problems and disabilities to share info about places they visit or go on holiday to and how they find it, particularly those who don't want to do package deals and like to strike out on their own.

Feeling a bit excited now :)

lighter:
Tupp:
Learning to live life NOT under siege..... it's a process, IME. 

You're going through it I think.  It's like watching color seep back into your life, or finding focus where there was fuzz.... maybe.

It's access to creativity and possibility, and here you are..... exploring life like you haven't been able to do in years.

I so want you to find your path, set new goals, and see where this journey leads.  You've been through so much... there has to be purpose, and meaning.  You're poised to find it.... I know you are.

Remember to trust your instincts.  You've been programed to doubt and dismiss your intuition.  TRUST it.  Continue exploring with curiosity..... judgement sucks. 

I'll post more, but I so get the pressure coming off, and processing each layer.... trying to trust, and adjust to not having another crisis land on your head.  Shifting focus, and stabilizing..... even as our children's needs shift.

It's not easy, but you're a fighter.  Your energy is freeing up to serve you now...
not wasted to disprove negatives, and fight monsters.

((((Tupp))))

There's more, and now you're able to embrace it. 

::nodding::

Light

Twoapenny:
Thanks, Lighter :)

Yes, instinct - I was thinking about that today.  Trusting and going with your feeling.  Where my son's been concerned, I've always been right, even when he was little and I had armies of people telling me I was wrong.  And I've been thinking as well about needing to get my head around the fact that I cannot guarantee anything for him.  However hard I work, however hard I try, however sensible I am, however much thought I put into what I do, life can do something completely different.  Which makes me realise I am going to have to let go of some of the control (argh!) and accept that I can't do it all. Lol, that's going to be easy ;)

I am trying to build more fun and enjoyment into our day, every day, and I'm going to have to push myself into new situations.  Contacts are important, I realise that now, and I'm going to start having to mix with more creative, adventurous types, because that's where I'd like my life to be heading.  At the same time I feel very inferior around people like that.  I feel boring in comparison and that I don't have much to offer them.  That's all in my head so I need to work on that and start pushing myself a bit more and putting up with the crappy feelings whilst it happens.  I'm trying at the minute to challenge myself a little every day.  So, today we had a text from the Youth Club leader saying they've changed the plan for tonight and they're going out walking instead of staying in at the club.  We've already done our walking for today so walking again tonight is likely to tire him out and leave him worn out tomorrow.  My first thought was to say no but .......... in the spirit of not being a control freak, I asked my son, he said he wants to do it and he doesn't want his wheelchair so we are going and I will drop him off and leave him to it.  I will have a slight meltdown I think, lol, but I'll do it after he's gone so he doesn't know and if he's really tired tomorrow it's not the end of the world, we haven't got anything major planned.

So that's my challenge for today, to be less of a mother hen, let him make his own choices and let him get it wrong if he needs to.

I think the colour is seeping back in, slowly.  Thank you :) x

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page