Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
How Do You Manage Your Stress?
Twoapenny:
I am doing alright with my boundaries and with taking a step back where my son is concerned :)
We've been very busy for the last two days so he has been very tired today but he's had a great time, the nicest thing was that the Youth Club leaders took pictures of all of the kids down at the park and put them on Facebook. I am usually quite anti pics on Facebook but I realised that I don't have any recent photos of him with a group of friends so it was good to get these and be able to show them to other people. Feels like another step out of the shell we've been hiding in (as my main concern with Facebook pics posted by other people is who might see them or share them).
I had a nice chat with a friend last night and she was asking if we were going to go and visit. I've got a couple of friends who live quite near each other (she's one of the pair) and most years I do a 400 mile round trip to see them. I love seeing them and they live in a nice part of the country but ................. we don't have the money for multiple trips away so if we go to visit them we don't usually get to do anything else. By way of a contrast, they both get away at least three or four times a year but never come here to visit. So I have said that I'm not planning to visit this year but that they are welcome here (which is true). I want to explore the possibility of working at festivals and just networking with more people who I feel are on a similar wave length to me. With that in mind there is one festival we are definitely going to and two others I'm hoping to go to if we have enough money. I've put myself and what I want first, not because I don't want to see my friends, far from it, but I can't do everything and at this stage I feel that moving forward is important.
lighter:
Tupp:.
You gave your son choices, and he was no doubt tired, but.....
he used his voice!
Good job. I hope things turned out well, or at least OK. Let us know.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on June 15, 2017, 12:46:14 AM ---Tupp:.
You gave your son choices, and he was no doubt tired, but.....
he used his voice!
Good job. I hope things turned out well, or at least OK. Let us know.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
He's been fine, Lighter, tired but manageable, it was interesting to see that physical activity definitely does tire him out; he really struggled to do his physio and you could see that it was a physical struggle for him, not just a feeling of being tired (as in, he couldn't keep his arms straight or lift his leg). My T used to say my need for perfection in him (as in, he must never be tired, unhappy, miserable, made to do anything he doesn't want to and son on) was another extension of my need to be safe after the abuse allegations and again, I am starting to finally understand what she meant. I'm just sooooooo aware - as I think we all are on here - of the damage that my own requirement to manage all my hurt and ignored feelings has caused that I've desperately tried to avoid him having to do it at all. But of course there will be times that things aren't great and that's just life. I think part of it as well was that his problems weren't picked up for a long time so he was being made to do things he wasn't actually capable of doing at that stage, so I spent a long time trying to undo that damage and make him feel safe again, and he does feel safe, you can see it in the way he behaves and the way he is around people. He just doesn't have the nervousness or fear of other people's responses that I always had.
In other news, I am getting the hang of observing rather than reacting quite so much. Went to help a friend out this morning - all sorts of odd dynamics in their relationship - noticed it, didn't feel the need to get involved or avoid them in the future, funnily enough, usually when I see dysfunction I want to hide from it but that seems to have lessened off. Also saw the friend that I mentioned a while ago who had seemed a bit funny last time we met up - she was absolutely lovely again today so I am thinking maybe just a bad day, period pain, argument with the boyfriend or something. Had a really nice chat, good laugh, looking forward to seeing her again now :) Tired but happy :)
How is everything going at your end now? x
Twoapenny:
Just another little thought and realisation from me today.
We've been to a Sports Competition today - busy, crowded, badly organised and just no fun. I realised we were doing things that were expected of us rather than what we both enjoy. My son loves the sport but not the crowds or the noise. He enjoys the training sessions - quieter, more orderly and he spends all of his time playing, whereas today was spent mostly waiting to play. We've both come away shattered and too tired to do anything when we got home, other than have dinner (which fortunately I'd got ready before we went out because I'd have been too tired to cook when we got back).
I was sitting thinking about my lack of energy, my anti social tendencies, my wondering how we can cope better next time and I realised the thing to do (or the way to cope) is not to do it. I haven't done yoga once this week, or meditated. I haven't spent any time writing (or at least not things I want to write). I have caught up with a couple of friends but missed seeing a friend today because I was too tired after the sports thing. My lack of energy comes from spending virtually all of my time doing things I don't really want to do. And there's no reason why I should want to do these things! I think tomorrow I'm going to keep saying to myself "what do I really want to do right now" and see where that takes me :)
Twoapenny:
There are aspects of social media that I like. I do like seeing people's pics of their kids doing whatever they are doing and I like reading the nice little things, good school reports, passing exams, getting promotions at work and so on. I like hearing about bands I like and seeing what they're up to. I've joined a few pages about people setting up communes, trying to live off grid, the sort of stuff I really aspire to and I love to see what other people are doing (although sometimes I feel jealous as well). There are some people who write well about politics and I enjoy reading what they have to say about current events as I like trying to learn more and understand the world situation better (if that's possible).
But I hate, hate, hate racism and I hate the way it has become socially acceptable again in this country. People can and do write all sorts of stuff that ten years ago they wouldn't have said publicly. It brings me into contact with thoughts that I don't want in my head and of course, you don't know what you're reading until you've read it and by then it's too late.
There have been a couple of terrorist attacks recently, by people claiming to represent ISIS. Horrific events, awful, inexcusable and devastating for all involved. Huge outpouring of hatred towards Muslims, millions of whom live perfectly peacefully all around the world, calls to have Muslims in this country deported (despite the fact they were born here so I'm not sure where they'd send them) and just general knee jerk reactions.
I get the strong response to horrific acts but by the same token, there's just been an awful tower block fire in London that seems to have killed more than a hundred people and seems to have come about because the local council clad the tower block in a material that has apparently been banned in other countries because it's a fire risk, and it was used to cover the tower block to make it more aesthetically pleasing to the millionaires in the surrounding buildings (the people living in the tower block are on low incomes and the properties are owned by the council).
There's been a huge shift in power from the majority in this country to a small percentage of wealthy people and companies and it's been made very clear that rich people matter and no-one else does. Yet despite the number of deaths, there hasn't been anything like the social media outcry about this that there way about the terror attacks, despite the fact that far more people have died and another hundred or so have been left homeless and destitute.
Over night a white man has driven a vehicle into a crowd of muslims who were leaving their mosque after prayers. They'd stopped to help an elderly gentleman who'd collapsed and were administering CPR whilst waiting for an ambulance to arrive. The man drove at them deliberately, shouting "I want to kill all Muslims". Apparently he's killed one person and injured others. People are on Facebook defending him.
I feel a bit like I'm going mad. The UK used to be a country I felt proud and very fortunate to live in, but now it just disgusts me and I don't want to be here. I don't understand how people think some lives are more valuable than others, or some murderers are acceptable whilst others aren't. The reason I have stopped using Facebook in the past is because I read too much that annoys me, but equally then I miss out on things because a lot of people only post news on Facebook now, they don't pass on the info in any other way. It's showing me a side to people that I really don't want to see. I feel like I want to wear a T shirt that says 'I'm not racist!' on it because it seems now that being white and british means you're expected to be. People look down on me for believing in equality.
Just having a rant, really. This is the sort of time when I really miss my old life, when I'd have been surrounded by people who feel the way that I do, instead of being the cuckoo in the nest. I will stay off Facebook for a few days, but it kind of winds me up that I have to avoid things because my views aren't right wing? Just needed to let off steam. Thank you :)
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version