Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
How Do You Manage Your Stress?
lighter:
Hi Hops:
I liked this link.
This is the thing.... I've been unable to process and assimilate this kind of information in my life over the last 10 years or so. I WANT so badly to implement and make lasting change. I've tried.
I see information that educates and informs.... that should help me put self care rituals in place, but up to very recent weeks I've only been able to latch on to concepts in a meaning lasting way. I can begin, but not endure which leads to guilt and shame, and more trouble focusing and shifting out of fear mode, IME.
Becoming aware of my inner world, mostly the painful/uncomfortable/negative/judgemental/overwhelmed/alarmed parts, may be making it possible for me to take this site's information on board, finally, as a permanent part of my care routine.
I have to write this all out, for myself here....
Calming my amygdala.... with all it's small and large alarm bells clanging.... blocked my ability to integrate new helpful actions back into my life. I used to HAVE THEM. I used to live them, and be soothed, and uplifted, and organized through them in all aspects of my life. Something happened that I couldn't do that anymore, and dealing with THAT, which is utter surprise and astonished relief for me...... is creating a shift in my ability to engage in self care and assimilate new information.... like the site you provided.
It feels like I can finally SEE it.... not just be aware of it on the outside....... this kind of information I've thirsted for, it's a repeating them on the board..... I feel like I can apply it and it's not about making a plan, or committing... it's about just waking up one day and doing it.
Like I just DID after discovering how my brain reacts to feeling at the mercy of, without control over things I'm responsible for. I just shifted.... like flipping a switch in my brain. I'm working on flipping the switch... hopefully so I can do it at will, and learning how to trust, and feel safe again so I can learn from the site you provided.
It's more information about how to get back in the ZONE, not just a TO DO list of self care routines... but how to find our own secret recipe. Can't wait to get into it.
I feel like I'm stumbling and stuttering right now, and it's been very helpful to share on the board, even though I'm repeating stuff and finally getting things other members have had.... it's just very.... much..... like alchemy, IME.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Stumbling and stuttering and sharing is exactly what the board is for, ime!
And try not to compare yourself to others' experiences or assume yours is less or failing or whatever that competitive critical person who sometimes visits your brain is muttering about. Just be kind to yourself.
That's what I'm working on...trying to actively be my own friend.
You're healing from and integrating a lot, Light, using a whole lot of tools that feel right for you.
BRAVA. (And glad you liked that blog. Me, I've never been driven to accomplish, I'm like her
very very slow germinator type. Never been anywhere close to a Type A, more like Type ADD...plus Z)
hugs
Hops
lighter:
Hops:
I won't go on and on about my first appt with somatic T yesterday, but she said a lot of things you've written on the board throughout the years.
In the telling of my story TO her, which was much longer than the last time I tried to relate my story to a T over 10 years ago for myself..... this somatic T kept slowing my roll, asking me to "return to my feet, to feel into my feet, to look out the window and see the beautiful day" blah blah blah, and it made me think.....
THIS IS IT?
The stuff Hops talked about all those years ago and I COULD HAVE DONE THIS FOR MYSELF for free, and fixed myself THEN had I been able, but I wasn't I FAILED and the Judge did go on.
:shock: REALLY? :shock:
The Judge in my head was impatient with all the empathy she was throwing around, much too cavalier about it,
::nodding::
and all her comments on parts and pieces of the story....
Lord I hadn't even gotten started for Pete's sake.
Wait till she hears THIS..... and sure enough we were stopping again.....
"layered trauma"....
well....
lady.....
I don't have near the trauma you see regularly, no doubt, (my Judge was thinking.) This is not childhood abuse trauma.... this is adult stuff, and I'm strong as an ox, and I can carry myself and others, and......sure, I'm a bit squashed, but but but....
I still haven't given her all the larger pieces. How can that be in an hour and a half? The Judge wants to know, and maybe if I'd kept my eyes their normal size, and voice level......
maybe we could have cracked on through, do ya'think?
When the appt was up, and she was making sure I was OK enough to drive (WHAT T DOES THAT?) the Judge was very agitated, non stop really....... THIS is going to be about wiggling our toes in grass, and touching bark I KNEW IT!
Umm... the Judge knew it, that is.
The journey continues.
Lighter
ps The T is kind of semi retired..... she has alpacas, and wears things made of whatever it is they're covered with... fur or hair... looked like fur. Very comforting to see a woman dressed in fuzzy warm earth tones head to to, and Mary Janes..... next visit she'll tell me why she "has to dress so comfortably." Guessing it will be a health problem that sinks my stomach and shoots adrenaline. She's just so darned nice..... her suffering is will be might be.... heartbreaking, and she won't want me to go there... I'll have to look at my feet, bc she'll stop everything and it will be my feet again. I'm not to pay attention to the suffering of others, bc it's "activating."
I remember all the times I told people on different boards to "keep their heads where their feet are." And I knew I wasn't able to follow my own advice consistently... sometimes not at all. There was something I couldn't get past to get down the path, and DO it. I couldn't give my attention to it, bc I had to give my attention to the next crisis. I see that now. There has to be some safe place to do the work.
I'm going to finish writing my 3 pages, and affirmations and blurts.... prolly around the above, and get on with my day.
::sigh::
JustKathy:
--- Quote ---Sexual assault is never minor or trivial, Kathy, whichever form it takes, my T really drummed that into me. Apparently it is quite common for people who've been through it to trivialise or diminish what happened but the invasion of privacy, the refusal to recognise boundaries, the lack of concern for the other person, they're all the same whichever way someone does something you don't want them too. It's on my mind a lot more these days, the number of men who think laying hands on someone is perfectly okay, the victim blaming that goes on, I've been talking to friends and not a single one hasn't at some time had sexual attention forced on them.
--- End quote ---
Thanks so much, Tup. It truly is alarming just how many women have experienced some kind of violation, especially in the workplace. Like you, I don’t think I know another woman who hasn’t been harassed or violated in some way. For those who have gone through it, it’s easy to understand why women wait so long to come forward against people like Bill Cosby or Donald Trump, if they come forward at all. The victims are never believed and are always accused of being in it for the money, when in reality, the more powerful the person, the more likely the they are to come after their victim(s) for money. In my case, the man who groped me sued me for defamation of character after they were unable to bring charges based on a lack of witnesses. The suit was dropped after a second woman came forward, but she refused to press charges because she was frightened of retaliation. That’s why these celebrity accusers tend to appear all at once ... there’s strength in numbers. No matter what happened, even if just verbal harassment, it’s terrible to have that invalidated by people saying things like “it was only locker room talk,” or "maybe you're just overly sensitive."
Maybe we trivialise it because of all the doubt, denial, and outright disbelief of the general public. So when it happens, we may tend to think, but so-and-so had it worse, or this is just common "guy stuff," and I'm making too much out of it. Or maybe it's our backgrounds as N daughters. Our N mothers raised us to believe that a violation of boundries was normal and acceptable. Subsequently, we may be more vulnerable, and when it happens, remain more silent.
I'm so glad you mentioned Fiona Apple. I love her too, as well as Tori Amos, who is a rape survivor. I haven't listened to either one in quite some time, but have now started again. I love Tori's "Crucify." My gosh, what a powerful song.
Why do we
crucify ourselves
every day
I crucify myself
nothing I do is good enough for you ....
Thank goodness for these women who empower us through music. It helps. It really does.
JustKathy:
--- Quote ---Stumbling and stuttering and sharing is exactly what the board is for, ime!
--- End quote ---
YES! I don't always have time to reply to everyone, but I do read all the posts. I appreciate the stream-of-consciousness, long stumbling sharing of thoughts. I relate to SO much of it, and it helps more than you can know. Just let it out, keep it coming. Hugs to all. :)
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