I am feeling a little bit cross with myself. I am finding I don't want to be around people and that this is generally either because people I know offload on me, or because they waffle on about petty, insignificant things that are of no interest to me. I am realising that I generally just sort of go along with this - part of wanting to be nice, maybe? But I'm getting cross with myself when I realise that I have so much to do that giving my time to others is generally not a good idea, and that I've spent years letting people offload their woes onto my shoulders before they go to enjoy their evening with friends and family, whilst I then sit indoors on my own with my own, and everyone else's, woes in my lap. I've noticed this before at times but not really followed through with being firm with others, I think. Everyone I know has got other people in their lives on a close, daily basis, and I really don't have that. So I do need to be a lot tougher in that regard and not let myself be a dumping ground for everybody else's troubles.
I've also had to go through some old paperwork as it's relevant to a current situation with my son and I needed to find some old letters to show how long a particular situation has been going on for. Apart from being very impressed with my filing system (I found what I needed in a matter of minutes in amongst, I would guess, about two thousand bits of paper) it also did hit home just how much we've been through over the years (and how much of it is documented). And that made me realise that the only person who really knows how bad it all was is probably my therapist at the time, who I offloaded the entire thing onto over a period of months. I do need to be firmer about this and stop letting people use my time up in a way that isn't beneficial to me. I do feel very tired and grumpy but I think that might be the kick up the bum that I need to stop doing this to myself.
