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Just when I thought it couldn't get worse it did

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Bettyanne:
 :oops: :oops: My son just told me a story that had happened back in 2003......My son was a victim of a priest who sexually abused him from age 11 to 16...buying him gifts etc...these men know exactly how to get to kids.  So about 29 men at that time hired a lawyer to sue the church for abused.  My son was one of the ones who were abused more because he was a favorite of this man.
 
So my son tells me that back in 2003 that my NM told my son he was in SIN for suing the church.....I was never told this before by him or my mother.  He had made a memorial to boys abused by priests......and had come to NJ where it took place with several other survivors. ( They were all young boys in grade school when it occurred. ) One of the survivors threw himself in front of train as he couldn't handle what happened to him. 

I find it was heartbreaking that she would say such a awful statement to a man who was abused for five years of his young life.  My husband and I didn't find out until years later.  I am beside myself that she had no compassion for her grandson and put the church before him.  This really shows how sick she was or should I say mean........tears

PS on a positive note.....he had his children and wife with him for the dedication of the memorial....and he would not allow my mother to see her great grandkids....that I feel good about.....I wish I had know....as she never deserved to see me or my family again.....hopefully it is warm where she is now....

Hopalong:
I am so sorry your son was victimized, Bettyanne. Chills the soul.

Speaking of souls, I believe there is cruelty in repressive religions that teach obedience and compliance to (especially male) authority and to human-written books...to the point that the suffering of children becomes less important in a brainwashed parent's eyes than a theological buzzword.

So on top of her wired-in mental disorder that blunted empathy, your mother was part of a religion that did the same.

I am not surprised that she made a remark like that to him.

But I imagine too, that surviving what he has survived, your son now is solid in his own strength, and probably knows that she was a brainwashed follower of an oppressive system that deliberately disguised evil. His grandmother's blurt about sin is ugly, but your son is a strong and healing man now. He knows that for what it was. And probably realizes she was incapable of better, sadly.

He will heal and he is not alone with it any more.

Hops

Twoapenny:
All of the things Hops said, Betty Anne, and although I am so sad to read that this happened to your son I am glad that he empowered himself by taking legal action and then by dedicating a memorial to those who went through the same.  And that he had the sense to keep his kids away from your mum.  My family did similar to me; none of them denied that abuse happened, but they all thought I was wrong for speaking out about it.  Abuse only occurs because so many people look the other way, in my opinion, which makes it easy for people to carry on doing what they do.

I'm glad your son seems to have been able to live his life without this destroying him and I'm sorry your mum let him down like that x

Bettyanne:
Thanks Twoapenny and Hops....for your words....
You either get that no one wants to hear about abuse as I was on a fb Irish group and shared not this particular story but the fact that my son was abused by a priest.....and I am of Irish Catholic background I thought in this day and age that people were different.....but like one of my daughters says unless it happens to you they don't want to know and put on colored glasses and all looks good.  Long story short I was deleted and blocked by this group because they said it was religious....religious because a priest did it??

Your words and honesty are so so appreciated by me......no body wants their kids harmed at least normal people don't as we know N people are a class of a different tune.  to be continued.......

Twoapenny:
I do find people's reluctance to talk openly about abuse is a big problem.  My entire family have a big Christmas get together every year - aunts, uncles, cousins across three or four generations.  My sister attends (as does my step father) and apparently I am just not mentioned.  They've just sort of wiped me out and carried on as before.  But ...................... the more people that do speak out, report, take legal action, set up groups, memorials and so on the more it will become acceptable to speak of, I think, and I believe this will reduce the number of times it happens and the length of time people have to carry what occurred with them.  There's a survivors group in the UK at the moment who were all abused in Children's Homes by, it is alleged, high profile men - MPs, barristers, judges and so on.  They became so frustrated by the government's inaction over what had happened that they started their own campaign and investigation.  There's still a huge amount of covering up going on, I feel, and it makes me wonder how many people just stay quiet, or even end their own lives without telling anybody what happened.  I hope your son is doing okay, BettyAnne, and you, too xx

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