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Parents verbally abuse kids on video

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Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: JustKathy on May 26, 2017, 07:11:55 PM ---This is really disturbing, but as bad as it is, at least it blew up in their faces and the children were removed from the home. Still, those kids will have emotional damage that may be with them for the rest of their lives. It looks like the people were using the videos to make money (with 760,000 YouTube subscribers, they would have been earning a lot). Probably not Ns, just unbelievably bad parents, though it does make me wonder if today’s N-Mother would use social media against her target child.

My NM died in 2013, and did have an online presence, but never used the Internet against me. It would have been the perfect vehicle for shaming me, but she never went there. I’m guessing the reason is that her tactics relied on secrecy. By keeping the gaslighting and sabotage so secretive, people thought I was crazy and didn't believe me. Her methods were only effective because they were conducted in private. Of course, I was an adult by the time the Internet came around. Who knows if she would have used it against me when I was a child. She was so damn clever, she quite likely would have found a way to humiliate me in a way that others would have thought was "cute," while actually ripping my heart to shreds. Like the stunt that Bettyanne's father pulled. Funny to others, not funny to us.

Kathy

--- End quote ---

I don't have any contact with my mum, Kathy, but my sister does and she has said on many occasion that my mum learning to text and use Facebook has been a nightmare for her.  My mum had a drunken, N style meltdown on my sister's Facebook page a couple of weeks ago, there for the world to see, which she blamed Facebook for as it's 'complicated' style means things don't get written the way she means them to.  Having tried, and failed, to start a fight with my sister's husband on this particular evening, she then started writing things on my nephew's Facebook wall, which led to friends of his texting asking what was wrong with his nan and why did she write that stuff.  At the same time she was texting my sister (as my sis had shut down the Facebook nonsense) and when that didn't get the desired result (my sister had switched her phone off!) she then sent emails, which my sister received in the morning.  My sister emailed her a calm reply pointing out that her behaviour wasn't appropriate, she'd upset everyone's evening and so on, which my mum ignored.  She then ignored all calls and texts for a week before finally speaking to my sister on the phone and claiming none of it was her fault as everyone kept ganging up on her.  And that's just from one incident!  So I feel the same as you, I am glad that social media wasn't available in the days when I still spoke to her, it's just another way for people to behave badly unfortunately.

JustKathy:
OMG Tup, your poor sister, and worse, your nephew (who I'm guessing is fairly young). That's horrible. If my NM had come at me like that, I would have promptly blocked her, but I was the only one in the family who was willing to stand up to her. My sister was completely under NM's thumb, so if it had happened to her, she would have complained loudly, but done nothing.

One thing that I do find interesting is that my sister did not have a FB account when NM was alive, but the day after she died, there it was! Now I'm wondering if she held off on purpose, fearing what her mother would post on her page.

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: JustKathy on May 27, 2017, 07:51:16 PM ---OMG Tup, your poor sister, and worse, your nephew (who I'm guessing is fairly young). That's horrible. If my NM had come at me like that, I would have promptly blocked her, but I was the only one in the family who was willing to stand up to her. My sister was completely under NM's thumb, so if it had happened to her, she would have complained loudly, but done nothing.

One thing that I do find interesting is that my sister did not have a FB account when NM was alive, but the day after she died, there it was! Now I'm wondering if she held off on purpose, fearing what her mother would post on her page.

--- End quote ---

Gosh, you're probably right, Kathy, that seems to big a coincidence for it to be chance, setting up a Facebook page isn't usually what most people think of doing the day after someone passes!  Yes, I'm the same, the only one who's stood up to her, my sister does argue with her and tell her she's out of order (and she did move far enough away that they hardly see each other anymore) but she wouldn't cut her out completely.  It was funny because other relatives (my mums sisters and their children, for example) are on Facebook as well so they see my mum's bizarre outbursts but everyone ignores it and just pretends everything is fine.  Anything for a quiet life I suppose.  There's a family gathering every Christmas and everyone goes, four generations.  I asked my sister what is said about me, as obviously I don't go and haven't for many years and she said no-one ever mentions me, it's as if I never existed :)  I do wonder how much abusive behaviour, whatever form it takes, would be thwarted if the people around it stepped up and said something instead of ignoring the situation.

Bettyanne:
Facebook.....has cause so much pain for people.  People can ignore you, block you, or restrict you.  Yes they did this type of behavior before Facebook but it feels worse to me to see it.....right in your face.
I have a N son aa product of my NM.  He has told his daughter so many untrue facts about his childhood.  She messaged me on FB and told me off how I abused her father.  I have six kids and of all my kids he is the one with mouth telling all kinds of untruths.  As a  child I was always getting phone calls from teachers etc....always getting into things and wanting that N attention from.  He is presently on the east coast of the USA and he lives on the west coast...I heard from his twin who made the same trip but this son came back sooner as his brother is getting together with his old girlfriends and a friend having sex.....so his partner here on the west coast doesn't know this is going on.  I wonder what his daughter would think if I told her this news.  I think she would blame me of making it up and saying I don't like her father.  The truth is I am not to fond of him at all.  He has caused so many problems.  He also tells stories here where we live to other people that his dad played on the NY Rangers....my husband never played for them at all......its goes on and on his lies to make himself look better.

The legacy  of my mother continues as this son was her favorite because he gave her a lot of attention to get her money.  After she died five years ago I found she had given him all kinds of money.  When he would do something wrong, my NM would say to me BUT HE'S YOUR BABY......
PS....also this son who was given more money then my other kids by NM.  He never showed up for my mother's funeral...fitting right!!!! he went to some lake and had paper he printed pictures of her on and  put them into the water....also claims he saw her at the lake....omg

Hopalong:
As bitter as you may feel about a son who didn't appreciate you or who was treated preferentially or even, is a jerk....it would backfire tremendously if you told your granddaughter what you heard about her father's infidelities.

You'll hurt her.
Indirectly, you'll hurt him.
You may hurt his partner.

And you will damage yourself.

Maybe try to focus on being a grandmother who offers love and nothing but, to her granddaughter. Be her "soft place to fall" and a lot of pain and destructive dynamics might be eased.

Just my advice,
Hops

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