Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
This and That
Twoapenny:
Lighter, that sounds huge! What a massive step forwards. I recognise the stoicism you describe; that difficulty with just refusing to do/worry/sort out for others. Difficult to disengage from and to separate what must be done and what can be left for another day (or delegated. Or left long enough that someone else does it :) ). To hear you describe seeing it, recognising it and then just letting it be - wow. Huge strides forward. Equally with the paperwork. Do you find all paperwork gives you anxiety now? I find even simple things feel huge. It's because it brings up so many years of fighting on paper, I think. But you sound as if you're putting that into its proper place now - needs to be done, not a big deal, I'll do it when it suits me. Wow. I'm amazed and impressed :) xx
lighter:
Ya'know, Tupp..... I didn't used to have anxiety around paperwork. Not like this, anyway.
It used to get done, and I can't tell you if I struggled or not, bc there's no memory of struggle.... there's nothing, outside getting my first mortgage, which was attached to my first divorce, which set the timeline for when the ex left the home...... the stress was the relationship, not getting the mortgage.
So, I've been on hold, twice, for 40 minutes waiting on Ft. Lauderdale Home Depot accounts receivable to pick up. They're busier than any HD I've ever done business with. I can't imagine what their pro desk folks go through. Ours took everything in stride, and seems to have got the job done. Will see when we unpack pallets.
There have been hiccups with shipping addresses.... on everything really. Things exported out of the country, by this shipper anyway, have to have paperwork done just son, and I have to tell you..... I haven't let it shoot adrenaline through me while dealing with it. Even when I receive frantic phone calls designed to panic me.... I just don't. There's crate and freight middle men with broken down trucks, and still.... no blips on my adrenaline radar.
I was picking up sticks and limbs while on hold, and found two piles where people left their dog poop.... and it didn't send me over any kind of edge. I usually DO DO DO.... bag it up, hang the bags so they're visible, leave out fresh bags for people to avail themselves..... put upright sticks around the bags to draw attention, as if the bright blue bags aren't enough, lol. It usually sends me spinning into action...... just short of making signs, and banishing everyone from using my yard as their cut through, which is has been for 40 years. What is wrong with people?
Anyhoo..... I just bagged it up, and kept going. I pick up my dog's poop, I'll pick up other people's poop too. The true test will be when I'm tired, and physically straining then STEP in dog poop, which has happened. The idea of people... US dragging dog poop INTO THE HOME brings up off the charts..... I don't know what to call it. It's probably similar to what I think of, in my brother, as "persnickity." So incensed, am I. Scrub brushes, buckets of hot water, soap, bleach and finally an alcohol scrub is called for, and I'm quite certain I can hear NO ONE while going about that task.
Oh oh.... Pro desk gal just called while I'm still holding for accounts recvbl... now the fridge won't be in on time. Have to figure something else out.... pick one up, crate it and deliver it ourselves after handling same with hurricane shutters.
Oh well.... ::paying attention to stress level::..
still kind of OK.
That the freight company can't guarantee delivery the week I've booked, bc they might deliver to my side of the island, is likely to make a dent in my chill. They said they'd have to deliver the next week if things weren't perfect. I see the forecast has thunderstorms and 15 - 20 mile winds broadcast. I CAN'T BE ON ISLAND WITH NOTHING TO DO. I can't.
Twoapenny:
Ah, dog poo, Lighter, we've had the pleasure of running my son's wheelchair through it before now, it is the most vile disgusing stuff and why people can't at least flick it out of the way if they really can't pick it up is beyond me.
It's incredible that you're going through these (very trying) things without getting stressed and I wonder if your sub conscious bit has listened to you saying to yourself that you're going to change your pathways and not react and is just thinking "um, no point doing anything here, she's not interested in playing our old stories any more" :) I do like thinking about the different parts of us having their own personalities and doing their own thing :) It sounds as if you are getting plenty of opportunities to practise not getting stressed and doing a grand job with it!
I hope all the supplies got through okay and that the weather doesn't cause too many problems. It is hard not being able to get on when there's a lot to do so I'll keep my fingers crossed for good delivery weather for you :) xx
Hopalong:
(((Tupp))) and (((Lighter)))
I am absorbing a LOT while reading up on how you each are coping with the ToDos and their various levels of urgency and built-in stress.
I don't have much intelligent to contribute to this (as my To-Dos have devolved a lot and remain unstarted in so many areas)...but just want to say it's really benefitting me a lot to read this.
Thank you both for sharing this stuff. It's daunting but exhilarating to read of your breakthroughs.
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
I'm still pretty chill, but notice first reactions as they come up, for instance.....
thjs morning my phone wouldn't dial out in a few cases......
first reaction was MY PHONE's BROKEN, WHATEVER WILL I DO?!?!? ALL IS LOST if my phone won't work!
Second reaction.... maybe it's just the storm... how will that effect my next week, month, rather than gee... I hope everyone IN the storm is safe, and warm, which did come up, but geez.
Third reaction.... Oh well.... will figure it out.
It's interesting I catastrophized it right off the bat....
hmmm..... the phone's working again, and contractor said his was doing the same weird refusing to ring thing too. Will have a working phone with all important contacts in place during trip, whew. I'm relieved bc it's working, and relieved I noticed the pattern, and stopped it before it changed my day.
I picked up a refurbished computer..... bullet proof... very sturdy retro DELL, and I love it. They keyboard is lit, if a little smaller than I'm used to. It's loaded with everything I need, and more. I highly recommend refurbished computers, at least from sellers who do the work themselves, and know what they're doing. This guy had ONE computer when I called, and he's working to wipe two old ones of mine, and install Windows 7.... $50.00 total. What a deal!
I will say this about refusing to spin, and allow anxiety unchecked into my life....
Life is better this way.
I want to this to last.
Lighter
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