Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
This and That
lighter:
His flight scheduled for this afternoon. He's been in touch with my sister.... brief texts about what he's doing..... sleeping, eating, crying, and going back to sleep. Texts saying he "won't never ever ever go back to the cottage."
These statements make my sister very alert to possibility he'll head over, bc that's how his brain works. He lies, and charges forward with his irrational agenda over and over.
That he's stopped threatening puts sib more on edge, not less. I'm unhappy he's still holding her hostage. I'm feeling distance from him....the fire last night was part if that, and huge relief. I refuse to live in a state if siege again. I just won't do it.
Getting rid of his residual clothes, cigarette butt litter, anything reminding me of him was burned it sent to him.
I feel better now.
To give you an idea of his tactics..... he's told everyone he left a DVD (his deceased mother gave him of his family) IN the cottage. This is a fabrication meant to cast me in the uncaring ogre role. He wants back IN the cottage, which is insane, but that's his drive.
This sort of tactic only works if we care what others think of us. I learned a lot in all this. I learned how to stop caring about what other people think.
It's a revelation long over due.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Lighter, does he live in your area, stateside?
Did you hire him at home and take him to the island for the work?
If so I believe you should get an immediate restraining order.
That's all I know to offer but I'm sorry this has happened.
Wrong kind of energy to confront, I believe....
Hops
sKePTiKal:
GRRRRRRRRRRR.
Lighter, I read this last night. Kinda threw me for a loop so I held off replying till my head was clear. Pollen has had me a literal limp dish-rag.
You have some history with this guy, IIRC? And that's why you agreed to using him at the cottage? I think I even remember you mentioning some misgivings at that time. You are RIGHT, 100% about not caring what people think, especially in regards to situations like this. Do what you have to, to protect what's yours.
I know your radar is good enough to avoid problem people like this. So, because of history you hired him, right? And the opinions of other people?
OK. You took a chance and trusted. And it has turned out badly. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
Plus, you took the proper steps to head a disaster off at the pass... and it sounds very much, like you're prepared to deal with any escalation he might have in mind.
It's all a person can do and while we'll forever ask why it's even necessary to have to deal with things like this... IT HAPPENS from time to time.
Ya done good Lighter.
lighter:
Amber:
Thanks for saying it's not my fault. Another friend said it, and it felt untrue, but I remind myself I'm not responsible for other people's emotions or actions....and that does feel true.
Contractor has to be at airport in 2 hours...it takes an hour to get to my side if the island and back.
Once I know he's in the air I'll get back on track. I've been organizing in preparation of finishing jobs, which needs to be done too.
I think important lessons have been shoved down my throat, once and for all.
We can't save people from themselves.
Men who try to change our NO into a YES are to be treated like the plague...run, don't walk far far away.
This guy..... He's a walking, talking, babbling mess of a lesson for me. Time to toughen up, buttercup. I have to set and enforce boundaries now.... can't allow sympathy or empathy to get in the way ever again. He was the message.
As for handling this well.... I ended up with all the keys, and all the locks. Everything locked down tight, and it's a miracle....well. Not really. I was in protection mode the entire job. I ended up one step ahead of him, bc that's what my days and nights became....plus some luck.
So.... Hops, I won't be confronting him. What I will do is move my guard dog from the farm to my house for a while, inform the neighbors, and seek a TRO.
Tupp....thanks for offering to slap him. He's earned several hard slaps that never came. Too bad no one delivered before he escalated to the edge of a Bahamian jail cell. The magistrate flies in once every 6 months....no telling what would happen to him. Nassau's prison would not be kind, and this particular Judge puts people in jail for smiling and laughing in her courtroom. Contractor has no self control AT ALL, esp when a woman's speaking to him.
::Shaking head::.
I hope he's on that plane.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
A little more time Lighter... then, you can relax and reclaim the magical qualities of the cottage and island again.
Just "wash that man right outta your hair".
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