Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
This and That
Hopalong:
My neighbor felt lonely and isolated after a divorce and I watched her get emotionally involved and enmeshed with contractor after subcontractor after yard man... and it all wound up with her losing a load of money and being massively ripped off (plus shoddy work).
It's very tempting for women alone to bond with men they hire. But it's not wise, imn-ho. Best to keep it professional so you don't have to deal with the am I friend or am I employer and one day this and another day that... which rusts boundaries from the base, and which set you up for -- well, you know.
It's still not your fault. You can't create/control/cure crazy. But next time you may be more of the somewhat-distant boss person, who shares minimal info/personal space as the hired hands move in and out of her life. I bet the island situation just magnified it all in his twisted head.
I am very sorry; this could be trauma and I hope it won't be!
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
Hops....never got personal with this contractor. I knew he liked me, but I never smiled at him or laughed at his jokes, much less got friendly. I knew better.
He made up a relationship in his head, and lied about it before I came back to island on my own. Once I was back, he threw a tantrum then explained he had a reason for doing it.... he confessed he had feelings for me. I said it was never going to happen, and gave reasons I felt let him down easy....he looks and acts a lot like my father. He demanded to see a photo if Dad....he really looks like him. A lot.
He wanted to shave his beard. I said my father was clean shaven the last 20 years if his life. Contractor got drunk that night. Said he sure hoped I found someone to kiss my pretty face.....leering...closing distance. When he said I was from Georgia, and Georgia had a lot of incest.... I went to bed abruptly in disgust.
The rest was him ordering me around, making up stupid reasons to spin out of control....working less, making more requests to talk, which were impossible to endure at the end. He asked me to bathe him. Honestly.... he's not stable.
He was trying to convince me he was trustworthy, when I knew he was anything but at that point.
Now he's texting he's still on the island, when I know his flight took off with him on it.
He's back making threats to come see me and talk. He's fixated on violence....talks about next killing him in last text. He's truly disordered, and I've never given him reason to believe I was more than a client.
I did believe spending time with our group might introduce some social skills. Boy was I wrong there, and no good deed goes unpunished.
If he'd stop demanding more than he's owed I could pay him and be done, but that's not what these people do.
Bleck.... I could easily wretch thinking about all the set ups to get angry....he didn't want me humming. He pretended to be hurt the threw fits when I just blinked at him, not running to comfort him. He wanted us to give each other compliments every hour....like a married couple in therapy might do. I was having none if it, which was what he was upset over right before he was fired, and fired was what he needed to be.
The fact he demanded I let him chop off my finger while he menaced me with a butchers knife didn't register as deal breaker to him. Just his courting style....and he'd still be here picking fights and finding fault either me if I allowed it.
Drat. I hate letting the little monster take up space in my head. The cottage feels lovely without him. I'm ready to banish thoughts of him for rest of trip.
Amber.... he's off the island, though he claims he's here, and coming to see me. I'll file an official police report when I go North again. I have to document with the police at this point.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Lighter this is terrifying, who is this guy??! Can you file a report by phone or email rather than having to wait to do it in person? My guess would be you're not the only woman he's unsafe around. Is he an island resident or mainland? I don't know how the legal system works there, does what happens next depend on where he lives or where you live? Or where the threats took place? Are other people there with you? If not, can you go to a hotel? Please don't be on your own, even for a short time. This guy sounds seriously demented. Save texts for evidence and then block his number, or change yours. I'm so sorry, this is the last thing you need right now (it would be the last thing at any time but particularly when you've had so much else to cope with). Please get this logged officially as soon as possible and make sure you're absolutely safe xx
lighter:
Tupp.... I'm through handling crazies by myself. A zero tolerance policy has to be implemented....has to.
And the guy is from two towns over from my home in the States.
Now.... I cut my keys off the ratty little string he put them on after licking himself out of the house while ranting at me over the phone... can't remember what he was ranting about, but the string went in trash.
Keys on good serviceable clasp aI wear around my neck with utility knife.
Not a peep from contractor since last threat to come see me last night.
On with my day.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Do me a favor Lighter - work very hard at getting his energy out of that place. You want to visualize pushing his energy out while expanding your own to reclaim the space 100%.
Then, set up two check-in times with your neighbor or someone close enough to reach you within minutes. Just a short text message will do. Keep to that schedule - while you're working there. Set an alarm if you need to. Morning/evening might be a good way to do it.
If EVER you have a creepy feeling or intuition or dream... immediately contact someone and tell them. Don't wait.
This is just till you get on the plane to come home. Once you're home, you already know what to do.
This system isn't supposed to remind you of Mr. Icky. It's supposed to a) keep you safe from all kinds of issues... and b) let you finish up as fast as you can there until you're back home. Once you & the dog are reunited and working together... then you can go from there.
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