Hops:
Contractor was around when my father died.....very angry funeral took me away.
The fact is....he does look like my father, so was easy excuse to shut down his irrational romantic advances. Everything made him angry, bc I never let him in...never gave him what he was fixated on....ever. He admitted he knew my response to his confessed.... whatever it is. Feels like fixated abusive stalker love.
Telling him I could never be attracted to him bc of who and what he is seemed....less safe. He was clearly herding me with trauma bonding behavior.... I wasn't going there, though I found it possible to control my face and posture while we were working and accomplishing tasks.
Once he admitted love, he was crazy all over the board emotionally....more than normal bc escalated and more frequent....not working....trying to force discussions with close contact. He also threw fits when I worked, and especially when I made efforts to enlist other workers. He'd say he just wanted privacy over the weekend...to not be bothered by other workers.... he'd pout and act crushed if I ignored him and esp after brandished the knife, asked my huge bouncer renter to work at the property. There was stomping and huffing and pointed questions...."How do you think that makes me feel?". As always, I told him I wasn't responsible for his feelings, and had limited time to finish this mission. That lead to a discussion with him following me about while I worked..... I moved away from him on to the beach, and then he wanted another conversation indoors...in private where I told him I would never agree to any demands where terrorist threats were employed.... I wasn't cool with his threatening me with knife, held over his head, while screaming "put you hand down, put your hand down!" He wanted me to feel his pain, bc I constantly failed to show him I cared, which was exactly the point.
He agreed it wasn't cool to do that, but professed it wasn't meant to be threatening. Ummmm....it was threatening, and then he came up with the hourly exchange if compliments, which was about the time I knew he had to go. I'd hidden the machete, bc threatening to harm people with a butchers knife means all sharps in the house go away.
I went to do laundry ALONE, and I believe he felt it would hurt my feelings back if he went to the casino to "look at things up asses",
::Shiver::.
Truly.....an unaware pig, but I held my tongue, except when he sat staring at the bathroom door, saying things like...."You're sure taking a long time in there.". I thought he should know that hovering, sitting, staring at bathroom doors while ladies were in the bathroom was something he should cease and desist immediately, all ladies, esp those he might find to date in the future.
Again.... he's taking up my head space. I'm gaggy....again. Lots if his rage was at my refusing to give him information, get personal, or "trust him", which he talked about endlessly....tooting his trustworthy horn while crashing over stated boundaries, whining for sympathy, creating chaos and seeking comfort for the things he did to others....an unstable bully wishing to dominate and control. No wiff of that behavior around my bouncer renter, however, who's puzzled over the entire situation.
Renter did see unstable crazy cackling, throwing tools, and threats to find me back home, so I don't know how he can say.....
Ack. Down the rabbit hole again. I was in a double bind, and the situation had to end. I hate being threatened by a bully, but I hate being controlled more, so here we are.
One of his latest threats ends with his saying I can't do anything to him but "kill him.". He's fixated on violence....asked me to stab him to death to end his pain, asked to go outside and fight after I rejected him as gently as could be managed, and texted "we could work this out... I could stab or punch him.... let's just talk".
Crazy much? I'm not the reason he's crazy. He's fixated on me, and that's a him thing. I don't wear a stitch of makeup, dress like a wilderness guide, and long quit sucking it in to save my back. I used my mommy voice on him, and maybe that's the attraction? Some screwed up mommy fixation, and for that I might be guilty....reminding him of an overwhelmed mother, with little time for him and his needs seems to be his thing.
He's the 4 yo acting out to get mommy's attention, and I am not exaggerating a bit.
Amber, I have 4 or 5 people calling and checking on me. I have my renter working with me, or supposed to, and two other workers coming and going. I feel like renter will hear if contractor comes back. I'm hyper alert, to say the least.
Also ridding place of his energy every way I can. I painted over his blood stains on my hat, burned the few remaining dirty clothes, and have hung my girl's baby shies, and sarongs around the house to promote good juju. I felt underwater when he was here. I feel free now he's gone.
Tupp...
I very instructed crazy that he's to go through the Trustees to get final payment....stop contacting me. I'm hoping he wants to get paid more than he wants to mess with me. Now he's threatening to sue for his hernia surgery and finger injury....good luck filing in Nassau. I'm going to call my mortgage gal at the bank, she's the one who referred him, and see if she has some way to shut him down.
I'd say she has a rather large obligation to at least help.
Lighter
PS. Sorry fir the rant, Hops
