Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Just the crap I've been up to - LOL

<< < (33/33)

Hopalong:
I hope you have a good day and happy distractions, Amber. You so deserve it.

You know, something I hear is that in a way, I wonder if you sometimes feel you ARE Amy's T, and would like to let go of that position?

A boundary thing to consider might be...what about if you don't call her and ask for information about the new T, or how the session went. I completely and totally understand why you'd be interested in knowing, but wonder if A might do better NOT reporting to her mother about this.

You could release your involvement in her deep stuff, which is really hers to heal. She may or may not be able to heal it with a T's help...but I do wonder how it might feel to have an authoritative and confident mother prepared to make summary or quality evaluations of an intimate, difficult process. If I had weak boundaries or were very ill it might be impossible to say No to expectations that I share T content, or "report" on that experience. But it's hard to imagine sharing it with a parent.

Could it be possible that A will do better in this situation if you do not involve yourself, other than paying for it if you want to? (And could it be possible that you will do better, too?)

I'm not sure and it could be a faulty intuition. I do loads of those.

Love to you,
Hops

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on February 15, 2018, 12:35:16 PM ---Thanks Tupps, I really am trying to do a better job of protecting myself this go-round. And being prepared, too.

IF there really is a defined trauma trying to become conscious for Amy, it would make sense that it would surface this way. There are clues starting to show up... in some of her ranting/ravings/babblings. But I'm not letting myself get too involved in trying to piece those together. Just keeping her focused on the concrete actions, of getting herself to where the "help" is. Part of my brain just automatically tries to do this... and it's a dangerous thing to do.

I'm trying to keep my brain too busy right now, to indulge. It could be years before Amy really gets down to the nitty-gritty of the issue - IF, she ever does - IF she really gets help.

--- End quote ---

I think you're right to protect yourself, Skep.  I know when I was having therapy and lots of weird stuff was going on for me - very strong emotions, physical flashbacks, lots of health related symptoms with no clear cause - we talked a lot about repressed memories/forgotten trauma and basically my T said the thing to focus on was dealing with the feelings and managing them as they came up, rather than focusing on trying to work out what was causing it.  It was good advice for me and maybe for you as well - not to focus on the why but to focus more on the here and now - and first part of that being looking after yourself in whichever way is best at the moment.  I hope A starts to get the help she needs but also hope that you're able to put yourself first and keep your own health at the forefront of your mind xx

sKePTiKal:
Oh... I don't want to be involved in her actual therapy unless I'm asked to be and I'm not planning on inquiring about the "gory details" at all; just general questions about how she's doing. Right now, I'm just making sure she follows through with what she SAYS she wants... because it is so easy to sabotage herself and then say "I forgot"... much of what she SAYS is fantasy and she'll deny even saying it.

That's all. IMO, it's really important that she owns this whole process, beginning to end, and earns her self, in the end -- with no "family" intervention. But since she doesn't seem (some days) to realize it's time to cook dinner... for instance... I'm just riding herd to get her to help, without nagging her at all about it. I still don't know if she actually went today or not.

It's kind of a double bind, because if I don't check in - then "I don't care" about her... but if I do, and the words are wrong... then she's defensive. So I'm holding off a little while long before calling. It was a long day in town today... Debbie and I talked for 2 hrs... but I got everything done I needed to do.

sKePTiKal:
Sigh of relief... Amy went; seemed to hit it off OK; came home with "homework"... did it and is slowly feeling like she has some control over her life  & is engaged in classes for her re-certification as an EMT. All volunteered info, btw. Every 2 week schedule for now.

Sounds like a positive experience and good start.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page