Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
lighter:
Well, Amber, your mother likely knows you want or need everyone to be ok. Drawing you into this as fixer, if she can, is to be expected I suppose.
About rental situations for your brother, my sis found a site called Hot pads. You plug in your particulars, and get ready for available options to flood your inbox. It's lovely when you're under the gun, and need to move quickly, IME.
A furnished short term option might be necessary or helpful at this short date.
As for the make interest at Costco....
Drink deeply, my friend. And maybe dance.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Lighter - I do believe you're right about my "need" to have everything be OK, and how that fits so neatly into this "game". I don't know if I've seen that before - or forgot it. Guess the "lesson" didn't take so well if I did forget.
lighter:
I think we have to learn it over and over till we're able to listen to loved ones complain without trying to fix anything for them.
I do it too.
Maybe if we train ourselves to automatically respond with a question....
"What are your options?"
Then we can do the "Gosh, that sounds difficult," thing as they respond with options, rather than us telling them what their options are, kwim?
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Yes, that works OK with some people Lighter. However, my mom escalates & runs her circle of self-reinforcing panic, obstinacy, victim-hood, hopelessness and there is NO HEARING of anything else.
I wonder how many times we have felt voiceless, simply because someone isn't capable of HEARING anything else, except the negative feedback loop in their own head?
The other thing she's trying to create... is a deja vu of her own divorce/experience from that time Twiggy had a really bad day. As if she could somehow make things different this time -- doing exactly the same things, as before. As if this was HER divorce all over again. (Yeah, that's the classic Einstein definition of insanity, isn't it?)
I do recognize the PTSD markers in it too. But instead of trying to be and do things differently - so as to avoid a "reliving" of the experience - she seems laser-focused on helping re-create it. And THAT is precisely what I was trying to interrupt in her.
I heard a bit of news from the shop yesterday, that leads me to believe my brother has found a solution that will work temporarily for both of them. Not perfectly mind you... but good enough for the time being. I'm staying incommunicado because he's likely very busy and is taking the brunt of my mom's panicked desperation. He'll call me, if he needs to vent. I may text him later today, just to check in and see if he's OK.
Nope, not even the golden child is good enough for her. And he just laughs at her insanity - which infuriates her.
Another country/asylum heard from... the oldest D is going through another spate of problems & self-created dilemmas. Holly and I both believe that she's better than she was... but that's still not saying much... and we're both prepared to hear that there is another crisis again from her.
Yep, I think I like being well hidden back up a dirt road among the hills & hollows & trees. LOL.
Hopalong:
Heck, yeah. I'm surprised you didn't move to the moon.
Your mother's thinking and behavior is wrong, wrong, wrong. And incurable, unchangeable, and exhausting.
Best you can do, imo, is to stop caring that she's wrong, and just deal with whatever about her you absolutely can't avoid like you would with really unpleasant weather.
It will never, ever matter to her that you are right. When it stops mattering to you, there'll be more peace.
(Like, do I know how to remain untriggered? No. But I still get that it's the goal!)
Hugs
Hops
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