Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Heist on Something....

<< < (31/66) > >>

Hopalong:
Thanks, (((Amber))).

It's just that India is a big continent...so many "theys" live there, golly.

 :lol: :shock:

I will vent with my friend Kushal (best bud at last university job).

hugs
Hops

Hopalong:
Thanks, Amber.
Interestingly, the friend I sent that email to hasn't responded.
I think her reaction will be a sort of friendship test. My guess is her own judgmental side will kick in.

I think a Stereotypes thread sounds really interesting.

hugs
Hops

Twoapenny:
Hops, that's such a good (and incredibly honest) piece about B that I really don't think you need to have any concerns about whether you are over or under reacting to things, or putting things that are important to you to one side.  I think you sound more like a T than a T!  Lol.  I think it's great that you are so open to the things you aren't keen on (where B's concerned) but also be willing to get to know him better to find out whether that will be a problem or not.  I do think it's good that he's listened to your concerns when you've raised them and not just dismissed them.  When is your weekend away coming up, is it soon? xx

Hopalong:
To my surprise, The Trip (one day, one overnight) went well!

We drove about 3.5 hours to a little mountain town known for Appalachian music. Stayed in an old hotel. My room was fine and his was too. We saw some extraordinary musicians...a trio that elevates bluegrass to something near classical at a skill and emotional level I've seldom heard. They were electrifying; I've spent some time this morning reading about them and listening to various performances. (The opening act was standard old-time country and capped off by a religious lecture and aggressive reminders about Old Glory). The second group (brothers), when they blew us out of our seats with humane, sublime warmth and blazing-delicate proficiency was a revelation. No pun intended. What I've read about their childhood in Europe, though the info is limited, gives depth to their humanitarian philosophy, which truly comes through in their playing.)

I got to know B a lot better and vice versa. Just having that much more time--driving, exploring, dealing with the daily...was good for us. He is bewildered by my level of empathy, honestly bewildered. I talk about human culture and about animals from a different place. He has a view of humanity as dark and savage (which explains a lot of his anxiety, I think). He was raised by loving but demanding parents (particularly his father) on a small farm --though his Dad was a lawyer, they had the farm) and did hard physical labor his whole life (while I was reading my way onto another planet). He told me a lot more about his feelings at the Academy...like, when the day started with very hard runs he would burst across the campus running flat out with a sense of truly ferocious drive and elation. (He was so proud of his squad being Honor Squad two years out of four). He kept that up for years, a huge drive to achieve, accomplish, be the best he could be...etc.

I told him how much my four years of teaching poetry in: urban, suburban, ghetto and Appalachian impoverished schools had affected me. Without fail, children were open, full of wonder, brave and powerful. More concerned with justice than any adult I've ever met. It was good to hear the deep influences we've had in our lives.

While he was exerting himself as a powerful athlete and training for the military (he spent years at the Pentagon doing engineering), I was hiding under the covers, trembling, trying to survive while too sensitive to cope and overwhelmed by cruelties. And about as athletic as a turnip.

He said he does respond to life more with his brain than his heart. He also said he is somewhat OCD. I knew that but hearing him simply acknowledge it was healing. I asked in a gentle way, do you feel that after all those years of intensive air force discipline and later executive life, you might have a habit of managing people a lot? (He had required THREE phone calls to discuss what we'd take for lunch on the road. He is very obsessive about both food and plans and it drives me a little batty.) Anyway, he said, "Yes. You don't like it." And I just responded, "No, I don't."

What was nice about that exchange was it was just real. Free of anger. Free of defensiveness. And I think for all my concern that he might have some anger struggles, the way he can also just be honest and non-defensive is encouraging. He does seem intent on truthfulness, and that's big.

I still think the outcome's unknown and we'd have a ton of work to do. He has visions in his head about relationships that are unreal for me. An overwhelming fantasy of what "us" would be or "married" would mean, in terms of filling in his daydreams OR reflecting his 40+ years of previous partnership. I have no idea if I could make him happy when he has such drive to complete a fantasy and I am so very different in tastes and lifestyle than he's used to. But I do feel encouraged that he continues to listen and is braver than I thought, willing to inch out of his comfort zone.

It was a good time.

Now I'm mostly looking forward to my T in an hour, and picking up my pooch after that. It was just so strange last night, not having her here....

love y'all,
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Hops I'm really glad you had a good time. There's some truly interesting music coming from the Bluegrass side of music these days. Almost a revival of the old "folkie" stuff that got buried under rock & roll.

I have more to say, I think... but I'm gonna let it roll around in my head for awhile and see it even makes sense, and if I really know what I'm trying to say.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page