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Heist on Something....

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Hopalong:
And ((((((((((Amber))))))))))))))....

I think it is a Very Good Sign when a baby chicken-Viking announces her presence.

Without her peeps, all the grown-Viking braying and boasting and besieging would be irrelevant.

We all house an inner baby chick.

She is worthy. She is the real marvel. Without her no Viking ever hatches.
She is the miracle of it all. And that's in her vulnerability.

Even because of it.

love
Hops
PS- I have been drinking bourbon, passing this remarkable no-B evening. It's actually been pretty awesome. Talked to a few friends. Went to a publishing workshop today and though that wasn't very helpful (I knew most of it since I was in publishing) I made a friend. This woman just chatted and we went for a salad and she knew a man who'd taught at my college, and he's one of her closest friends, and suddenly I remembered that he was the most amazing professor I'd ever had and recalled for her a time when he and I walked across the campus together, both in tears because of the material we were covering in an intensive he taught on Native Americans. She brought back an extraordinary memory that really had an impact on my life, in how I think of humanity. And she is emailing him tonight that she met me, and sharing my memory with him! (He wasn't that much older than his students as a young professor.) What an unexpected gift this was today. xxoo

sKePTiKal:
Well, duh..... Hops...

the bourbon is flowing here as well. Baby chicken Viking - LOL - LOL -LOL. Yeah you pegged it.
I've been a little more "bold" online with the tentative suitors. Flirting a little. Scared to death if anyone responds. I'll go run & hide.

And tears running the whole time... I so miss Mike. No he wasn't "perfect"... he was human just like me... laughing, crying all at the same time. And just breathing.

After all this time, we need to talk to each other -like over the phone. I don't know what I'd do without my Hopsie. (Having a bit of a moment here tonight...)

Hopalong:
Off to see my T and the timing is good, as B returns today sometime.
I've emailed him asking if he'd like to catch up on Sat. or Sunday evening.
Hope so.

If he avoids or ghosts I'll have his answer.
I'm still mulling mine, but the plan is, to talk honestly. All the anger/upset is gone now, thankfully, so I'll be able to just tell him what I experienced when he did what he did, and see what he has to say.

I'm kind of in a neutral mood where I'm disposed to be curious, pay attention, and accept what is in calm. I think in some ways I've felt relief at his absence the past week, and have focused within again, thinking about my own life.

Just acquired a new old customer, who'll not just replace but add a couple hours to what I lost when Nlady stepped off my calendar. Ngent struggles on but I'm doing more hours for him too. All that's just reminded me that I can keep working a few years and saving every bit I can.

I'd let the house go to POT this week, caught up in the internal labor of trying to assess (the first A is the hardest, Lighter!). Literally a week's worth of dishes piled up in the kitchen. Laundry got done but not put away. This morning I woke at 6:00 and got the kitchen all cleared up and am feeling focused and glad about the day ahead.

Yesterday was a marathon for the oldies and I felt good-tired at the end of the day.

Will report more later...just wanted to say Good Morning, Amazons!

love
Hops

lighter:
So glad you see your T before speaking with B.

You sound really good, Hops.

Let us know how the rest of your day goes.

::sending energy for the week's worth of dishes marathon to come::..

Lighter

Hopalong:
Thank you, (((Lighter))) and everyone.

I'm heading out in 5 minutes to his house, we'll go to dinner.
Tonight is the time to Have The Talk. About The Tone. And how it felt to be to be talked to like a subordinate, and have him abruptly change a plan that affected me quite a lot, and inform me of it the way an executive would update an employee. Not an intimate or equal or respected partner.

My understanding (I'm so grateful he was away for a week so I could THINK) is that he has spent his entire 70 years in various situations that were about"
Power
Rank
Winning
Competing
Authority

And he's bringing that mindset (unconsciously) into his relationship to woman. Wife. Girlfriend.

And this girlfriend is going to share her insight. And leave if he's not able or not willing to step right up to this new information about himself.

I am confident that I've perceived this accurately. And I'm going to tell him what I see compassionately.

And then....wait. Just listen. See what it's all about for him. And then, I'll know whether we continue.

Big night! Just wanted to tell my Amazons before I go out and climb in the car and head out.
Will fill y'all in later.

love youse,
Hops

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