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Huge gaps in childhood memory. Anyone else experience this?

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JustKathy:

--- Quote ---What's interesting, is that my brother remembers things I don't - at all.
--- End quote ---

Yes!

Something weird happened about 20 years ago. NM cleaned out her storage locker and gave all of our childhood toys to the GC to sell on eBay. At the time, my sister was recovering from surgery and taking a lot of pain meds. It was the only time she ever stood up for herself and spoke her mind. She came completely unhinged, went after NM, and even demanded the GC give her the names of the people he sold to so she could attempt to buy these toys back. She sent me an email tirade about how NM had given away all of our Legos and our Barbie camper. I have NO recollection of ever playing Lego with her and don't remember a Barbie camper, yet these things meant the world to her. It sounds like we did have these toys, and we did play together, but I just don't remember it. Meanwhile, sister acted like her world was ending over losing the stuff. She was a total shut-in, so maybe those toys were the focus of her life at the time. My focus was on getting out, and nothing more.

JustKathy:

--- Quote ---It does still wind me up somewhat that they all tiptoe round her and no-one dares to cross her but there we are.
--- End quote ---

Tup, my NM died three years ago, and they STILL tiptoe around her. I thought once she died, I'd be free to have relationships with other family members, but instead they became even more distant. I think she got to them before she died; the poor woman whose vindictive daughter was so cruel she broke a dying woman's heart.

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: JustKathy on January 31, 2018, 12:55:40 PM ---
--- Quote ---It does still wind me up somewhat that they all tiptoe round her and no-one dares to cross her but there we are.
--- End quote ---

Tup, my NM died three years ago, and they STILL tiptoe around her. I thought once she died, I'd be free to have relationships with other family members, but instead they became even more distant. I think she got to them before she died; the poor woman whose vindictive daughter was so cruel she broke a dying woman's heart.

--- End quote ---

Ah, I think you're probably right, Kathy, and I know I had a therapist once tell me that family members often don't like to acknowledge they were wrong or they were taken in by lies - it's easier to carry on as before and just ignore the whole situation.  It's sad.

On a slightly different note, and I don't know if you've tried this already, but I found 'playing' as you would (or should) have done as a child, was another thing that helped.  I did a lot of it with my son which obviously gives you a good excuse but I did find doing teenage 'girl' stuff on my own helped for some reason.  There were girls at school whose mums brought them little craft kits where you sewed the kit together and made a stuffed penguin or a little cushion or something and I spent some time painting watercolours and just doing things that I'd have wanted to do back then and didn't get the chance to.  I don't know why but it helped.  And something that really helped (quite a few years ago now) was buying a great big cuddly bunny - the sort of really extravagant gift a dad buys for his little girl (they had one in the charity shop for a few pounds) and I cuddled up to him whenever I got the chance for a few years, really.  Eventually I rehomed him - I just didn't have a need for him anymore, but I cried buckets into those big furry ears at times!  It did help.  Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it in case it's not something you've tried yet :) xx

JustKathy:
Thanks, Tup. That's really good advice. Years ago I took piano lessons because I had always wanted to play an instrument, and NM wouldn't let me. I should buy a cheap keyboard and start playing again. It made NM so angry that I learned to play the piano. She just hated that I accomplished something she tried so hard to prevent. I should start again, just to make her toss around in her grave a little. :wink:

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: JustKathy on February 01, 2018, 01:42:31 PM ---Thanks, Tup. That's really good advice. Years ago I took piano lessons because I had always wanted to play an instrument, and NM wouldn't let me. I should buy a cheap keyboard and start playing again. It made NM so angry that I learned to play the piano. She just hated that I accomplished something she tried so hard to prevent. I should start again, just to make her toss around in her grave a little. :wink:

--- End quote ---

Argh, that's what I just don't get, why are there people that don't want their kids to do good things?  I can understand parents stopping their children from doing things that might be harmful or get them into bad habits but piano?  You'd think any parent would be chuffed that their child wanted to learn to play something so beautiful!  Yes defo a keyboard - or maybe even a free piano?  People seem to give them away a lot over here - I guess getting them moved isn't cheap but I've often thought how lovely it would be to be able to sit down and play something amazing :)  Go on Kathy, get practising :) xx

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