Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

End of the Road Farm

<< < (27/66) > >>

sKePTiKal:
Ugh. It's STILL raining. Day 4 of 24 hr Chinese Water Torture. Still, it feels like this massive amount of rain was something needed here. Not a bad thing; all part of keeping the balance - balanced. It's just me, that finds it "in my way".

Hops yes... go ahead and share your poem!

Well, today's attempt to keep myself occupied and not going stir-crazy (beyond imagining the rain totals as snow instead) is making an excursion to town to recycle cardboard, and replenish the kitchen stash of goodies to eat. I'm on a broccoli slaw kick right now. Maybe more later; we'll see if I can break the hypnotic spell the rain has me under.

lighter:
Amber:

I looked at the weather radar and the same swath of weather is dumping on you, and Hops, and me...goes all the to Washington, blowing over my children....over me.  It's huge.

Oh well..... I should have been planting palm trees.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Soooo.... my subscription to the dating site expired Saturday. Which means I can no longer access the messages section to see if the viking has replied to me. I have a fenced-off email address I can use to continue conversation and I was going to send him that, but I missed the deadline.

OH WELL, crap happens. Except, in the back of my mind... I can see him maybe wondering where I got off to. And maybe feeling the same way - c'est la vie. And he does seem to be a pretty nice guy despite the head-banger music. He has a life and a family he dotes on. A garden to tend; wood to get in for next winter - just like me. Perhaps some medical issues. Don't we all have those creeping up on us?

So I'm trying to decide - renew the subscription for the short-term, send him the email address (his sub expires in July and he's not re-upping) and enjoy having found a new friend without worrying if it goes beyond that - or just let it go, it's not like I don't have enough to keep myself busy, right?

Except that it DOES seem to matter to me, that someone cares enough to engage in conversation and start a "technically-speaking" relationship... even if it might be different than either one of us was hoping to find. And someone else caring... seems to be necessary for my motivation to "keep going". I still haven't mastered that kind of "self-caring" for myself... although it's definitely better than it once was.

I could continue dithering about this until it doesn't matter, but I think I'm going to give myself a deadline of the end of the day to make up my mind. After shuffling through all the profiles & pics that I have... he was the only one to kinda "grab my attention" in more than a fantasyland way. (Mostly THEIRS, about what a good catch they are.) Some of them can't even spell and many of them advertise themselves as "God's gift to women". Blech. Viking seems downright normal and average comparatively speaking. There are worse things than being a Buckeye fan - LOL - I am so OVER football.

ETA: NEVERMIND... I'm in a "just do it and stop thinking about it" mood today. Just sent him the explanation.

lighter:
We'll, whatever happens, happens.  You have choices.  You'll do what feels right. 

I'm curious......do you notice a heavy or light feeling when you think about the Viking?

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Hmmm. I would say I'm curious about him. It would be a truly tough thing to live through, waking up to find your spouse died during the night. And then raising his kids alone. But he doesn't seem any worse for wear these days - 15 years later. When I get messages from him - assuming he's not hired a service to write them (I don't think he has) - it's light and fun.

He doesn't press me for information. We talk about what we're doing that week, sometimes reminiscing about the old days. He asks pertinant questions but they don't seem anything more than curiosity about me & my situation here.

It's very very easy to talk to him. And he says he enjoys my babbling! (That's a plus, right?)

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page