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End of the Road Farm

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Twoapenny:
Skep I was about to post and say keep in touch with him and then saw that you had :)  Something sticks in my mind from a few years ago and I think it applies in many cases.  I was messaging with a teenage girl who'd posted on a home ed forum that she was having a rough time, parents weren't very supportive etc etc.  I contacted her to see if she was okay and if there was anything I could do to help and we stayed in touch for quite some time after that.  I became concerned that my being in contact with her might be preventing her from seeking professional help - she had quite a lot of problems, was self harming, often talked about suicide, but any suggestion I made with regards to her getting help was met with a reason she couldn't do that.  A psychologist friend of mine said that quite possibly email contact with me was all she could cope with at the present time - she wasn't ready to engage and deal with her problems so the email contact was her way of doing that - which was fine by me.

It just occurs to me (sorry, that was a bit convuluted!) that maybe for you and the Viking no commitment. no expectation email messages are what you both need just now?  Both bereaved, both busy with your lives, both kind of thinking it might be nice to have someone - but maybe just not quite now?  So I think all the time you both enjoy chatting (and it is nice to see someone's contacted you and to be able to chat about your day) then I think all the good.  Maybe it will develop, maybe not but I think it's a nice way to reach out without putting yourself out there, if that's not a practical option at the moment.  It's nice to have 'someone', however it may be :) xx

sKePTiKal:
Tupp, that's what I'm thinking too. Just let it be what it is.

Since he doesn't write long messages - the software at the site won't let you make paragraphs; annoying! - it could be he's more comfortable on the phone too. I've noticed people seem to have a distinct preference. The long silences are because he's on the computer all day for work, and just doesn't turn it on, after. I can definitely understand THAT.

Neither of us "needs" anything special in our lives, is the sense I'm getting. Companionship, even of this sort, may just be the bit we're "missing"... an extra set of hands, even... and it seems we can do this well enough. Remember I said it was a couple months, before he even started using "dear" and other affectionate terms? LOL. It's charming in a way, that he didn't feel entitled immediately, to "possess" me or claim me like some guys do. And we don't flirt with each other or tease each other, either. Just not on that level yet.

I know I'm reading into things a lot; filling in the gaps with my imagination too. I think that's probably a natural part of this process - in this medium. Face to face, one gets to "see" if words & actions match up a lot easier. It takes me a long time to trust someone, as I give a nano-inch at a time. I knew Mike for YEARS before we realized we were attracted to each other. And then it was like earth-magnets... LOL. Viking is a fisherman; so he's patient too.

So for now, we're just online friends. Getting to know each other. And the bar is set so low... neither of us would fall very far or hard if it just doesn't work out. But it does seem interesting enough to me, to give it some more time.

RAINING again here. Plumbers rescheduled yet again. No one's digging in this mess... and the grass is so tall out in the field, that I'll need someone to bale it. This is putting a definite kink in all my outdoor plans. Time to punt and go in another direction.

Hopalong:
(((((Amber)))) Finding a successful formula for online dating is a really important thing. When you find it, you will be able to purchase the state you're in, plus an extra mountain range.

That said I have a couple practical ideas...if you haven't already, getting a second email address that does not include your name is helpful. Say, Hopsadoodle @... etc. Anything neutral sounding, as long as it excludes name or place references. (I recommend non-flirty names, too, as it's also come in handy for sites that require email, but may add me to lists I wish to ignore.) Then, I set the new email to forward all emails to my main email address. Gmail does a pretty good job of filtering the dreck first (Promotions, Social, Updates) so I tend to get only personal (Primary) messages forwarded.

Then, when you first sense you'll enjoy email chatting, give a person that. I just explain I don't enjoy chatting through the site and seldom check it for messages. Truths.

The other thing that's important (not germane to you in this instance) is willingness to stop a correspondence if and when you want to. I've known women who feel obligated to continually answer emails and explain, over and over, in a similar way to answering the phone before cell phones.... I know, that's not where you are, you're going in the other direction. But saying No without tension has helped me; I immediately filter their email afterward just in case.

But right now, you're wondering what you're saying Yes to. I hear you and I feel uncertain whether this is the road to happiness. For myself too, though I'm still signed up on a site.

Is there a local fire station you could volunteer at? A rescue squad? A school? A hospital? Any way at all you can meet more local people who actually live where you do? Scary but...if you focus on volunteering, you'd meet good folks and friends, at least. Never wasted...

xxoo
Hops

sKePTiKal:
I choose not to get out a lot Hops. I'm extremely uncomfortable - or trying to take over & manage - in those kinds of situations. Not a good formula for making new friends. I'm not afraid of people, mind you... but if I'm out, I have my own "game plan" in mind and I've just never "played nice" in groups. And I'm incredibly BAD at chit-chatting with someone in what most people consider ordinary situations. Completely different, when I'm behind a keyboard.

And, if I don't do the work that needs doing here at home - it just doesn't get done. And it NEEDS to get done - and become manageable. Just not there yet. So the casual nature of this type of interaction is actually perfect for me. At least, that's my excuse for now. LOL.

I'm not having a problem with how things are. I just don't need a social life, like most people do. If I have a few scattered gatherings throughout the year, here at the farm... or a single person coming to visit every so often... I'm just fine. LOL.

Hopalong:
I believe you, you introvert, you.  :)

I just hate the idea of you being lonely. Even introverts get lonely.

Off to work (picking up, might have an interesting new customer to help...).

I'm so grateful we can talk about the mating stuff, so openly. I just had
a nice man write me and he lives two hours away on a lovely lake and my
internal monologue is...impossible distance. How wimpy is THAT?

It's one of the biggest challenges, in my head. Distance. Moving. Etc.
I was freaked at the possibility of having to move, say a mile from my house,
with B!

xxoo
Hops

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