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End of the Road Farm

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Twoapenny:
Ah, both Vikings, Skep, you're like two peas in a pod.  I'm sorry she's going through it but glad she's doing it, if you see what I mean.  I think most of us get to a point where enough is enough, even though it's tough at the time.  I do find it odd when one person becomes quite certain that the entire fault lies with the other one.  I get it if there's an addiction problem or some such thing involved but in these sort of situations, where one person won't even begin to entertain the idea that maybe they could change some aspect of their behaviour to make things different, it really isn't on.  I hope Holly is okay and that peace starts to rein supreme now :)

Hopalong:
I'm so sorry you're all going through this, but I hear you must.
Going through can be excruciating, and then once on the other side, you get to breathe.

I remember how deeply painful it was to divorce.
Such a huge huge loss.

These days if I faced it again I think it would not be as hard.
First thing is, I would never again say the sorts of things in vows that placed me between a rock and a hard place.

Some people DO a Jekyll-Hyde thing. Not necessarily monstrous, but different enough from the person you thought you were wedding to be a massive shock and crushing disappointment.

I just will never again set myself up for self-loathing by taking vows that do not allow me to love myself responsibly. Got a long-term discussion going with religion about that...nobody winning....

xxoo
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Thankfully, she couldn't commit to marrying him. So no legal stuff to deal with - just logistics of moving. She has been thinking about this turn of affairs for a LONG time. I'm interested to see what she comes up with for a "what's next"... and how quickly she can shrug off the effects of that kind of invalidation. (She has been fighting believing it for years now.)

I don't think I realized how much energy I was spending thinking/worrying about that situation. Now that it's over, I feel totally drained. But I saw a Scarlet Tanager this morning - the pair, I think. Looked it up, since I didn't rightly know what kind of bird it was other than BRIGHT - LOL.

The heat & humidity are back too; and weather page says tree pollen is still high - which I don't quite believe after all the rain we've had. That combination leaves me feeling like a limp, 3 day old noodle anyway. So I'm amping up the self-care for a few days... and dipping my toe into the work I have still waiting on me. I'm still sorting out driving/controlling the bobcat... so trying to do a little each day.

lighter:
Amber:

I remember when I finally gave up trying to fix, or understand my first husband even.  Once I gave up, divorce was easier.  Moving beyond was possible. 

Sometimes giving up is where healing begins.   I'm glad Hol made peace with letting go.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Feeling much better today. It's cooler and promising more rain. I have several outside tasks that NEED doing. I have a little more energy too for this.

The more I think about some of Matt's reactions to what Hol & I consider "normal" people stuff, at an intimate level... the more I really think he has something like my poison arrow to work out. And it's not the old girlfriend. She was just another "victim" of the same script. I hope his mom can convince to see someone and work this out.

Holly, meanwhile, sounds like she's starting to worry about him. Which is natural - but kinda conflicts with her resolution that she's not responsible for his feelings. I think she can figure that out by herself. I know I make her sound like a YOUNG woman; and she does give that impression in person. Very playful. But she IS 40 now, experienced, and knows her self. That's one of the things that was painful trying to work on the relationship with Matt. He kept trying to "correct" and "improve" to his liking - her self. But when Holly would ask for specific concrete "baby step" things from Matt... she coulda been talking to a wall. Yet, his conscious rational mind would agree to it...

anyway, I don't have time to sort Matt out. But I know Holly will be processing this for awhile. Once she's not working 10-14 hr days. Time for mom to shut up, back off, leave her come to her own conclusions... and mind my own business. Until she's ready to dissect it herself.

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