Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
End of the Road Farm
lighter:
Yes yes yes.... Holly will have to process in her own time, in her own way, for her own reasons. Backing off is just right, IMO.
About it being cooler out.... it's been nice working outside in the drizzle, or in between downpours. The moss is super thick, and happy.... like a carpet. I've been tidying up borders, and picking up sticks and branches..... trying to stop pulling weeds, as I plan to poison with a sponge once it's dry and hot enough.
I look forward to reading about your progress at the farm, Amber.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Zing...zing... edited to show how I relate... Oy oy oy.
--- Quote ---That's one of the things that was painful trying to work on the relationship with Matt B. He kept trying to "correct" and "improve" [me] to his liking - [my] self.
--- End quote ---
Bless her, bless him, bless you.
May everybody learn and keep on loving themselves, let that love point the way to healing.
Hops
sKePTiKal:
The sky has been crying all weekend. It's wrecked my driveway, since the ditches should've been cleaned out last fall. I put it off. And we're having one of those REALLY wet years here. Flooding is a problem all over the county.
There's been a kind of 180 in the Holly & Matt situation. She had brought the dogs out here with her, since they're cooped up in the house while they work all week. Had to take them home. And she & Matt talked; a GOOD TALK for a change. He talked to someone professional over the weekend who suggested they attempt to work through the break-up together. Logistically, it makes sense to me. And after this weekend, I'm pretty sure Hol's strong enough and solid enough in herself to successfully do this. We both have reservations about Matt. BUT... he finally saw his way clear to tell that he hates her, because he loves her so much. This is the first authentic statement he's made in this situation. It's not much... but ya work with what ya got. And he thanked me for my idea for his 40th birthday party in October. That could STILL work out, if they can part on peaceable terms.
I realized I'm taking this almost harder than Holly is. Matt's been a part of my life for 9 years too. And he's stepped up and helped out in some tough times. Additionally - she doesn't need me anymore. (She says she still does, but in reality - no; she's fully grown up now.) She's got the situation completely in hand - even with her feelings - and she has some amazing friends. Maybe it's triggering the old Mikey feelings; losing him. So I'm binge watching Outlander this afternoon & evening. The story of the relationship has always been close to me and I have a real soft spot for the scots. And the strong bond between Jamie & Claire always bring the tears. It'll be a good release.
Holly sounds pretty happy about this turn of events, so I warned her about making herself vulnerable via hope. I needn't have worried - LOL. She'll be keeping a sharp eye out for a return to habitual characteristics. But this is something that pleases her.
lighter:
Amber:
I'm glad Matt saw a professional, and admitted his feelings of hatred, as well as love, towards Holly. Validation of our experience is a powerful thing. A very heeling thing... it explains why Matt behaved the way he did towards Holly. It brings clarity, IME.
Matt will likely push to save the relationship, as it was. It's too bad that's the likely reason he finally went to a therapist. Not bc she asked, years ago, or bc she was suffering, and he was the cause...but only bc he's lost something, he's suffering.
IME a couple working through a huge issue can make them stronger, but I've never seen a couple successfully work through hatred towards a partner. I've seen them remain friendly, to a certain degree, but the hatred, and old issues, always popped up when things shifted out of friendship, and back into romantic territory.
They'll both learn a lot, no matter what happens.
Sorry about all the rain, and your driveway Amber. It finally stopped raining here Friday, and I had the most glorious day in the yard Sunday. Just beautiful.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
They're still going to break up Lighter. It's just not going to be "uproar style". The love/hate thing seems normal to me. Love is big enough to absorb those moments when you hate the partner - as long as they are "moments" and not a constant, repetitive feature of the relationship. After 9 years of trying to get to that "aha moment"... they're just not able to.
I've been really thrown for a loop by this change. Been supporting a (seemingly growing) list of ill online friends, widows, and now this... I finally realized I am just too sensitive still to losing people I care about in my life. Or watching them go through things that it's impossible to comfort them in. Feelings are just too exposed and raw right now. I end up hurting right alongside of them. That just isn't good for me...
So, I'm going to do my "turtle thing" for a little bit.
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