Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
End of the Road Farm
lighter:
If one is stuck inside.....
spa day!
Why not?
You'll get this job kicked in gear, Amber. The weather can't go nuts forever.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Wow Skep I am always bowled over by how busy you are! And dealing with such huge projects as well, awe inspiring. It can be hard to change, I think sometimes the 'what ifs' can wear you down. Which is why I think life sometimes changes things for us - a metaphorical boot up the backside :)
I always think of the Alaskan Bush People show when I read your posts :) I watch it sometimes, they're all off gridders and constantly working on their land and their buildings and their next project (which is usually making something out of bits they have lying around in the shed, like the A Team). There was one episode where they were filming in the winter, only a few hours of daylight each day and everyone had cabin fever and was going a bit nuts. The men tend to go off for a few hours and hunt but the women stay at home and work around the farm. One of the ladies gave herself a 'glam' day - she came out to do her chores in a nice outfit, with a handbag and wellies with a wedge heel on them. She'd done her hair and make up and honestly, it was the funniest thing I'd seen in ages, she was trotting round the farm all glammed up feeding animals and hammering nails into things. Then she had to move some stuff with this digger and she climbed up in to the cab and announced it was time for a cocktail, opened her bag and took out a plastic martini glass and a bottle of booze! It was hilarious :) Just made me think of it when you started talking about your spa day :) I hope you got to look after yourself a bit and can move on with whatever needs to be done next :) xx
sKePTiKal:
The spa day was EXACTLY what I needed! I've spent the last 3 days on the bobcat... and have dug out the dirt in front of the barn's walk-in door across the whole front... about 10 ft wide (building is 24 ft wide on that side)- and at the corner, it's about 4 ft deep - to be able to have a place for the rain run-off to get channeled AWAY from the barn, instead of INTO it. I need to go along the back of the back yet; it's longer - but there's only about 6-8 ft of soil, taller than the concrete. I'll channel that water into the creek.
I had to have a place for the removed soil to go - a combo of topsoil, shale, rocks and yes, I found a vein of clay - so I started levelling the space in front of the garage doors that will face the (future) garden and to make a level start for a driveway into those doors. It's very rough right now. I had started playing with what they call "finished grade" - ie, smoothing the dirt out, removing the rocks that are in the way and "cleaning" things up to "pretty". I had to stop that, in order to focus on the big job of just digging/moving all that dirt.
It's truly boring. Drive up - set the bucket to take a "bite" - drive into the bank - tilt bucket - back up - drive to the next place I'm going to dump - raise the arms - dump the bucket - bring the arms down and adjust the bucket on the far side of the pile to be able to drive backwards and smooth out the little pile... then go back and do it again & again & again & AGAIN...
Add to that, the operator's position is strapped in so tight I could be launched to the moon without shifting in my seat... and despite the machine doing all that heavy work, it was still EXHAUSTING. But this was the first series of days I had in a row, where the ground was dry enough, it wasn't raining, and it also wasn't a heat index of 100... and it NEEDED to get done, at least this far, so when the electrician comes back he can see how far down he needs to dig to bury the main powerline into the breaker box. He's going to have to dig 4-5 ft, maybe 6, down from the corner of the barn to the meter panel. But the distance isn't too far. I'll be finishing the back side about 4 ft away from the building - the width of the bucket. (This isn't the biggest bobcat; but it's not a suburban yard model either.)
It's really a pretty intuitive machine to operate. I guess I've got 10-12 hours in on it now. It's the joystick model, so when I get tired, I start mixing up the hand controls - left hand steers/drives and right operates arms and angle of attachments. Getting close to being down to half a tank of gas now. So I'll have to find the off-road diesel place soon.
So... the boring aspect and getting in the "zone" with it...
leaves me plenty of time to "look"... and imagine. With that back corner being almost 4 ft high, I'm going to NEED a retaining wall. And because the rest of the hill still slopes to the building, I'm going to need to run a long length of that perforated black plastic drain pipe behind the wall. Home Depot has those interlocking, stackable wall blocks. I DO have lots & lots of natural rocks to work with here but it takes time to collect them and stack them - especially that high. They'd have to be perfect to stack in such a way, that they would be stable and secure. The wide spot in front of the walk in door stays in shade all morning and then again in the afternoon. I can see that getting pavers some day - at least the kind that make a flat surface but allow the water to drain through.
That wasn't in the original idea/plan. BUT... it sure will enhance that barn spot and make it a pleasant place to hang out and work. And it would be possible to cover it... carport style... which would keep the noon sun off and give me a sheltered place to put some of my equipment attachments. And easier to keep the snow off too. I heard Holly groan when I told her about the retaining wall part of the project. LOL. It's only tall for part of the distance from that corner to the real front of the building. Those style of blocks should go up fast.
If I go ahead with that - it would also be a decent place for the outdoor kitchen I wanted too. But that's a decision that can wait for another year or two.
lighter:
Congrats on getting so much done, Amber. Sometimes it's an imperative to just stop DOING, not feel guilty about it, and see what comes up. You get more out of self care, than feeling badly about things not going to plan, IME.
Yes yes yes, cover it, Amber. A shady overhang for working, and storing equipment is so helpful. You'll be so glad you did it.
That the Bobcats boring now is wonderful. You'll log more hours, get more comfortable, and being in the ZONE will become a familiar place of comfort, I'm guessing.
You won't need to think about what your hands are doing... you'll be able to puzzle out plans as you work... changing, honing with more creativity. Well done, Amber!
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
The "zone" and I are very old friends Lighter - LOL. Some days I really think it's my "natural" state of being - as opposed to all the things I've had to learn about interacting with people through the years and all the time I spend in my head, thinking about things from that intellectual side.
I always did like to create BIG pieces of art... and the 'cat lets me do that on a Christo scale. Functional and practical are the primary requirements... and then I can let my OCD take over for the finish work. I've never had a problem doing something that was that repetitive either. Like needlepoint for instance. Totally frees a person from "monkeymind" to actually SEE beyond what is... to what could be. Pulling weeds serves the same purpose - it just makes my back hurt more. LOL.
I'm going over the mountain today. Sounds like Holly could be here as early as over the weekend for a few days and MAY have to go back for the 2nd car and to work a day or two next week. Both kids are realizing this "long goodbye" is dragging on too long... and so far it's all been really good. Neither of them wants to screw that up. It's been since May. When she takes the bulk of her things to storage this week, the reality (of the feelings) is going to set in for both of them. Not sure how they'll choose to handle that - she could flee, just to not have to deal with it or they'll rehash the old wounds for "old time's sake" LOL. She can't predict right now. And she's just a little bitter that she's being heard NOW, after the decision to split after 9 years. But I think even if the break up isn't permanent, they really do need some time apart to do certain things particular to each one of them. It's not like they won't talk to each other or even see each other, at times.
And this is going to be a little weird for me; having someone around all the time. But she's obsessed with the need to have her own place; her own headquarters... and nest. Knowing the skills she's acquired in the last 10 years, she's definitely capable... but the work situation is the one that she needs to resolve first. She doesn't really feel comfortable with all this uncertainty and "winging it". I would't either... but I've had a lot of practice at it.
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