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End of the Road Farm

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sKePTiKal:
Reader's Digest update. There is a lot going on in my head, but it's not coherent enough yet to "spew" it out.

Amy IS continuing to see the therapist. And she seems to be aware that it will take some time, before she is comfortable enough to dredge up the real burr under her saddle. Meanwhile, she's almost recertified for her EMT again and working... and there have been some changes that will keep her from being overly stressed out, and overworked.

Holly & Matt's future is still in the impasse stage. Couple that with the fact that production ends in a couple of months, and she's starting to quietly "flail". He is putting the whole decision of their continued relationship on her and she's stubborn enough to not fall for that; and try to get him to participate at a level that two adults should function on for decisions this big. But that is making her very unhappy too. She and I have talked through all the various possible outcomes... so she has to decide. She's been 7 years trying to decide - looking for fault in herself, for what she wants... bending, changing, working on the relationship... all by herself, and it's not even on Matt's radar that changes will take 2 people. She has a tendency to explode when she's that frustrated - and she's aware of it and trying to find another way through.

Friend is coming out this weekend for girls' R&R... and Holly's been "threatening" to come out for a month and other stuff has gotten in the way. Weather, cars, work... so this weekend will be a surprise for me. LOL.

Electrician is coming back Monday to put up the other light fixture, and see if the globes will fit over the new bulbs I got for the living room one. We'll talk about the next steps in getting power out to the garden barn... and I've let Ronnie know I've got that going on before I want his brother to do a few things with his big equipment.

I need to get in the garage and start shifting things where they go, so that I can sort, toss, and re-organize the last "mikey pile". I think I'm going to plant his ashes, in the woods & rocks on the cliff that I can see out my bedroom window in the mornings. Maybe I'll grow a new guy!!   ;)

And so far, the Viking is still just talking... two strangers passing time together. And I'm still OK with that... for now. I know it's not what I "need"... ultimately. But since it's been so long since I've done the "getting to know you" dance... I need this step first. How to talk to a new guy, 101. Who knows? Maybe we'll just be friends. That wouldn't be a bad outcome.

Well, I have a lot of housework on my list today. I finally - FINALLY - scheduled myself a massage for Wed, and I'll go to the bank, pick up/drop off glasses... and shop for the weekend. PHEW, that's a lot of "big town" running around. The housework, is mostly finding the balance between layers of "decorating" vs "clutter" that feels right for me. I need to get guest rooms ready too.

I have some heavy stuff to go in the studio - one piece I can't carry even if I get help; it's going to take two strong people.

And I'm STILL trying to get a firm, clear sense... of what is "going on with me" right now. Descriptions defy me, at the moment. Maybe I'm just "on the road" to something else and what I'm noticing but can't put into words... is just the fleeting images out the car window.

Twoapenny:
It will make sense at some point, Skep.  The pieces fall together and it starts to clear a bit.  You are such a busy bee :)

I'm glad Amy is engaging with the T and working at things.  That's good news.

Internet viking chat is no bad thing.  Safe, comfortable, easy, little effort required.  Could become more.  Could stay the same.  Sometimes it's nice just to get an email on those quiet days when you don't see or speak to anyone.

It sounds nice to plant Mike's ashes where you can see him easily every day :) xx

Hopalong:
OHH, the Mikey pile. How beautiful. How...beautiful.
I think spring is going to help with this. I found this idea so moving.

H finding her way to the moment of knowing, the right decision when she's ready to make it. And A, having some functioning...these are good and hopeful (and oh hell don't we all wish we could observe these fragilities with the equanimity of da buddha...). Your center is safe.

And Viking, a safe practice space for Vikinggirl...that sounds good too.

I wanna girls' mountain weekend! Your moment of phew, city shopping...reminded me. Even an extravert can get tired of that city energy too. And the sweet mountain silence is so so so gorgeous.

Thanks for all these images of your life, outside and in...

(I spent hours re-connecting with church folks I'd missed after being absent a while, and wound up bundled in a warm jacket in my backyard "uphill patio" spot with my awesome gf from across the street, drinking bourbon and talking about religion, meaning o' life, men, all of it. I feel so appreciated and lucky...she's an unexpected gift who came with the neighborhood.)

xxoo
Hops

sKePTiKal:
That sounds like a fun day Hops.

sKePTiKal:
Making the trek over the mountain... banking, shopping, picking up glasses... and a long overdue (read: self-denied) massage. Girls weekend coming up... my friend Friday night, Holly on Sat morning.

Friend needs to blow off steam, have a few drinks, talk through more changes to her life... and Holly doing about the same - altho she's more actively engaged in trying to make something happen, based on what she knows about what her inheritance is likely to be. The downside of getting her up to speed and engaged in stepping up, I guess. The upside is that at least, she's not feeling economically at Matt's mercy re: her choices in life.

We have a LOT to discuss. The timing is about right for several things to "come together" at one time but I have to kind of fine-tune her expectations somewhat. This is simply one of several big things she's chewing on right now - her job on this production ends in May, and while there are rumors of another show coming into town and their soundstage... she has also been networking with other crews - in other locations... and thinking about doing different kinds of work completely.

I'm having to put my business/legal hat back on again when I was rather more looking to get my hands dirty planting & building a few things, instead. I need to hire a couple of strong guys to work for me on an "as needed basis", I think. I'll have to be careful how I word that ad! A Freudian slip might get me the wrong kind of responses. LOL.

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