Decisions

[lighter]

DD17 wants to go to the UK for the Rollerderby finals...... it's next week.  She's willing to trade in her trip to Peru to GET this much coveted trip.  She's done the work to find air tickets, hotels, figure out time difference, how many hours she'd have to layover, and hang out before check in the first very early morning...... and she wants to go alone if I can't go with her.

I, of course, have deep reservations about going with her on such short notice.  There's health issues with my father's household, and we have a dog, and I have a 15yo who isn't interested in staying with friends while we'd be gone. 

DD17 wants what she wants, which gives me further pause about THIS trip.... she didn't know about it till yesterday..... no time to really plan. 

DD17 believes she could navigate this trip on her own, and I will tell you.... she's so much more mature when she's not in my air space, breathing my air.  It's troubling to me, and is one reason I consider allowing her to go.  I want her to blossom, and find her way, and grow beyond this THING between us. 

Thoughts?

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

DD17 wants to go to the UK for the Rollerderby finals...... it's next week.  She's willing to trade in her trip to Peru to GET this much coveted trip.  She's done the work to find air tickets, hotels, figure out time difference, how many hours she'd have to layover, and hang out before check in the first very early morning...... and she wants to go alone if I can't go with her.

I, of course, have deep reservations about going with her on such short notice.  There's health issues with my father's household, and we have a dog, and I have a 15yo who isn't interested in staying with friends while we'd be gone. 

DD17 wants what she wants, which gives me further pause about THIS trip.... she didn't know about it till yesterday..... no time to really plan. 

DD17 believes she could navigate this trip on her own, and I will tell you.... she's so much more mature when she's not in my air space, breathing my air.  It's troubling to me, and is one reason I consider allowing her to go.  I want her to blossom, and find her way, and grow beyond this THING between us. 

Thoughts?

Lighter

Lighter,

If she's organised everything and it all makes sense (ie, there are actual flights and she's not just going to turn up at the airport hoping to get on a plane - you know the sort of thing I mean!), presumably she has or can use a credit card if there's an emergency to sort out, if it all looks good on paper  - then I'd take a deep breath and let her go alone.  I don't know how close she might be to where I am but I am more than happy to give you my contact details to pass on to her so that she can contact me if there is any kind of problem.  I think this is the sort of thing that can really change someone's life for the better - being an adult, sorting things out, making decisions.  You've raised bright, intelligent girls - I think she'll do you proud xx

[Hopalong]

My first flight was a transatlantic trip to France, on my own, at age 17.

However. I was met at De Gaulle by family friends and stayed with two different family friends during that summer. I was never entirely on my own. I loved it, and the experience of being away from parents changed my life. For the posiitive (at last Nmom's voice receded; I became so fluent in spoken French I fooled locals at an end-of-summer party; I made a deep friendship--Francoise sent her own 16 y/o to stay with me years later). For the negative: I spent the entire flight teaching myself to smoke and was addicted to Gauloises by the time we landed (1967). Here it is 2018 and I'm still chewing nicotine gum....could've bought a house for decades of that stuff!

I tend to believe the world is more dangerous now than then, so I might be reluctant to send a 17 y/o off on her own, however smart she is. I did send my D at 19, but again...to stay with family friends in Cannes. She wasn't just kinda dropped in another country. My perception of the increase in predatory behavior may be off but I think 17 is pretty young.

And god forbid, she came back smoking or tried serious drugs while there!

However, I'm a coward, and overprotective. Always was.

xo good luck with your decision, which I know will be right for you and your unique DD whatever it is...
Hops

[lighter]

Alas, I'm a coward too, Hops.  The idea DD might get into a fake Uber, or strike up a friendship with a smoking, ahem, bad boy wouldn't let me say yes.  Picturing her losing her passport, credit card, purse, luggage....just.....no.

Tupp, I was so happy thinking about training out to see you for a day.  I could have settled DD in, figured out how she'd get around then given her some time on her own.  It was a lovely dream.

Thank you both for your thoughtful responses.  DD took the decision with maturity after some reflection.  I consider this bump an opportunity for growth in our relationship.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Lighter, Holly was doing things like that - starting when she was 15. And if you don't think I was terrified and an insomniac... well, think again. However, it was all in the US... with friends (not always a plus) and friend's parents were pretty close by. She didn't go overseas until she was 21.

She definitely "broke me in" between 15-18, let me tell you. I won't tell you those stories yet. Later. LOL.

And we had "check-in" rules. Once every 24 hrs. minimum.

I would say, it's definitely time to let her do some things closer to home, with sleeping and travel arrangements pre-determined and some sort of checkin required. It's not so much to keep her safe - it's so you can sleep - LOL.

[lighter]

Thanks for the perspective, Amber.  And for waiting on some of the stories, though I'm feeling stronger now.

I try to relax into this whirlwind and ride as I can.  I won't know what comes next or how things end, and that's never been ok for me....not as a parent.  I'm noticing how tight I've held myself, how focused on protecting I've been, and I'm trying to step back, and give space.  Trying to see that space. 

It brings up my own teen years.  Looking at my parent's choices, and how that went, is an amazing tool.

Lighter

[lighter]

Well DD17 has band practice the same day of roller derby practice.  Her teacher told her the time can't be moved a half hour to accommodate both activities.  This isn't sitting well with her since we've had to go in later for make up practices, so it is possible in her mind. 

I think DD will choose roller derby if she can't make both work.  They should move practice if they can, bc the band doesn't want to lose DD.... she's steady and professional and the teachers right hand man.

I m stepping away from statements like...."you committed, now you have to finish this."

DD loves skating, and she's benefitting from being so active.... I can see she's thrilled with it.....not do much with band. 

She'll have to make up her own mind here.

Lighter