Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Storming
lighter:
Thanks, tupp, and Amber.
I am stricken, once again, by the level of exposure having ANYTHING to do with another human being brings, or can bring.
I'm very frustrated, and I mean frustrated over things that happened 15 years ago, 10 years ago, and last night. It's culminating, and boiling to the surface. It FEEEEEEELS so unfair that I have to get dragged back into court with disordered nut jobs (I know, remember compassion), and this has all my attention right now.
I had other things to do. Now I'm organizing evidence, AGAIN, and trying to think 3 steps ahead of a.......
::Thinking "nit job" but working to find a kinder word::
a.....
lying liar willing to do or say anything to make this last longer, and do maximum harm.
It gives them such an edge, IME. It really does, and the truth is.... I haven't made peace with that reality from the last 10 year go'round. I haven't.
::sigh::.
Once I figure out if this wrong courtdate stuff is a lie, I'll know if I have to pull evidence together again.
I'll feel better.
Will contact the victim's advocacy guy in the Courthouse, and see what I need to do IF contractor lying about the courtdate.
::Blowing huge raspberries all over THIS stuff::..
And Amber.....
THIS is the stuff that makes it difficult to consider inviting another human being INTO our worlds again, you're right about that.
Lighter
Hopalong:
This would be "triggering" in contrails.
I'm so sorry, Lighter.
Breeeeaaaaaathe, and do you best to keep them separate.
I'm so sorry, I can imagine.
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on May 31, 2018, 01:45:27 PM ---Thanks, tupp, and Amber.
I am stricken, once again, by the level of exposure having ANYTHING to do with another human being brings, or can bring.
I'm very frustrated, and I mean frustrated over things that happened 15 years ago, 10 years ago, and last night. It's culminating, and boiling to the surface. It FEEEEEEELS so unfair that I have to get dragged back into court with disordered nut jobs (I know, remember compassion), and this has all my attention right now.
I had other things to do. Now I'm organizing evidence, AGAIN, and trying to think 3 steps ahead of a.......
::Thinking "nit job" but working to find a kinder word::
a.....
lying liar willing to do or say anything to make this last longer, and do maximum harm.
It gives them such an edge, IME. It really does, and the truth is.... I haven't made peace with that reality from the last 10 year go'round. I haven't.
::sigh::.
Once I figure out if this wrong courtdate stuff is a lie, I'll know if I have to pull evidence together again.
I'll feel better.
Will contact the victim's advocacy guy in the Courthouse, and see what I need to do IF contractor lying about the courtdate.
::Blowing huge raspberries all over THIS stuff::..
And Amber.....
THIS is the stuff that makes it difficult to consider inviting another human being INTO our worlds again, you're right about that.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Lighter, it is unfair. I hope it doesn't happen, that this is all sorted out without you having to do anything. But it is unfair, and you don't need to feel compassion for people who are deluded, aggressive, demanding, angry, violent, dishonest or any other kind of thing you can think of. You save your compassion for yourself.
It's alright to give this your attention, right now, Lighter, you're in survival mode and rightly so. You don't need to sail through this without experiencing emotion or feeling dreadful. This guy threatened you in your own home. He's harassed and harangued you. He's quite clearly unstable and this isn't a situation where you've been triggered by a perfume or some other quite minor thing, this guy is a dangerous nutter. You've got every right to be angry about what's going on. And you don't need to make peace with the last ten years; you survived it, you got through it and it will bite you on the arse from time to time.
For now, focus on facts. Is this letter from him or from his solicitor? I don't know how different the laws are there, here the police would contact the subject of a restraining order if a further court date was needed. What's your solicitor saying? Don't deal with this on your own. If it's from a sol, are you sure it's a genuine letter? The whole thing sounds like hooeey to me and I wouldn't trust this bloke not to have found some bizarre way to contact you again. Fact check, every step, with the right professionals. Log the contact with the police. Are there groups that help with this sort of thing? In the UK we've got Women's Aid, do you have something similar. Circle your wagons, Lighter, and don't deal with this on your own. Get the police and other professionals involved and let them handle it. If you need to take a little holiday away from all of this for a few days then you go.
It is stuff like this that makes us scared to let people in and do you know what, sometimes you need to be scared, because some people are bloody crackpots. There's nothing wrong with being aware that some people shouldn't be in our lives; they won't bring anything good to our door and they're best to be avoided. And make sure you tell this mortgage woman that she's recommending a dangerous nutter to people; she needs to be stopped as well.
Keep us updated but get others involved, Lighter, police and solicitors, make sure everyone knows what's going on xx
lighter:
So I went to the courthouse this morning, perfectly prepared to file contempt with the magistrate IF the date wasn't hinky or wrong on the copy served on the contractor.... and the 4 in the 24 had a rounded OPEN loop that could be interpreted as a 9 by some.... one of the clerks in the courtroom saw a 9. One saw a 4.
The bottom line is we're going to court again, and the contractor will be there, with an attorney, and no one knows for what. WILL the court determine the 4 looks like a 9 and reset another hearing date? WILL the court go ahead and listen to evidence, and rule from the bench that day?
No one knows. All I know is the date, and name of my Judge. My attorney will fill me in later about this Judge, though she says all the Judges are smart, conscientious, and care very deeply about doing the very best job possible. I think they're miles ahead of the Atlanta courts, just from what I've seen with my own eyes.... well... outside this silly keeping up with an elusive summons thing that they didn't know was served, or when, or what exactly the penned in court date was.
Honestly, it's like this summons has a life all it's own, and it's name is chaos. I've chased it down TWICE now.
This morning I've been contemplating what exactly C will do in court. Will he come unglued, will he hear something that clicks in his head, and sends him over the edge? That's his thing.... to do terrible things, and say it's my fault, bc something about me makes him crazy. Mind you, I mostly ignore him, and get on with juggling the business at hand, and children. I'm stoic, that's my thing. I cringe at drama... he's uber dramatic. I understate, he wails like a child for attention.... overstating... hyperbole is his communication style.
So, I'm centered, and calm after SEEING what the problem with the summons is. I couldn't look at it and figure it out, bc I SAW a 4. I showed up to court on the right day. I got my Order.
I got my Order.
There were 2 calls from a blocked number yesterday..... I missed them. Not sure I would have answered them anyway if I'd seen them. One right after the other. It could have been C, and I don't care if it was. I'm not sure if I should write a final payment and put it in the mail today, or just hand it to him with all his stuff I shlepped back at the courthouse.
The girls sniff for cigarette smoke when they go outside the house.... C chain smokes. He's nervous now, he'll be chain smoking wherever he is. I look for cig butts around my yard. None, but I remember picking them up BEFORE this safari started.
So, Tupp... sorry for not answering your questions... I wasn't sure what was going on myself. I filed for a protection order. The C actually went to the sheriff's office and picked up his summons, which is to say he received service, then was obligated to show up on the chosen courdate to defend himself against the Order. He failed to show, and I received the Order for a one year period of time. C showed up on the wrong date, with a lawyer, to defend himself. The Judge agreed there was a problem with the penned in date, and gave him another day in court. I have to show up ready to prove my case, again.
I'll write out the truth... distill it down, over and over until it's clear and easy to speak about in minimal terms.... only the meat, no bun, or condiments please. Just the stuff I can prove, and no PD details that make me appear insane.
This is a cycle I recogni9ze, and it helps to know it runs it's course.... I spin, gather information, figure out what has to be done, then busy myself doing it..... calm is restored.
There's a reason this paperwork hiccup happened? IS there? Am I supposed to be spending this much time in a courthouse again? IF so, why, and to what purpose? I'm attempting to view this without judgment, and just see what happens.
That's a much better place to live in, IME. I guess, with enough practice, we get better and better at coming back to center. We KNOW what's going on, and how it works.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
YOU, LIGHTER...
are not responsible for his feelings or behavior. You also don't have to let him "get in your head" either, knocking you off center. Don't give him the satisfaction, Mz. Amazon.
You'll be OK; it's all going to be all right. By law, the judge will have to hear this again - including all Mr. Wack-jobs delusions and denials. From the judge's point of view, this is probably just a formality, and it's not going to change his/her opinion on the original order.
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