Storming

[lighter]

A thunderstorm rolled in... I was in the shower when the crash and banging of thunder started.

My timeline thwarted, I'm having tea, and starting a new thread about the island.  I don't want any negative stuff smearing other threads, so will put it here, if necessary. 

Sometimes I have to write something down to get it out of my head.

Lighters 

[Twoapenny]

Good idea, Lighter, different focus - I will contribute a little story, completely unconnected but hopefully a diversion

We're staying in our little air bnb; we were watching TV last night about 10.30 when someone knocked the door.  One of the neighbours of the lady we are renting the little annexe from had found said lady's dog wandering the street, said lady wasn't home and neighbour couldn't get hold of her.  I tried her but no answer so we took the little dog in with us.  He is the cutest little thing, very sweet and gentle, he had a little wander round and I gave him some chicken from the fridge before he crashed out on the rug and went to sleep.  I woke up early hours of the morning to use the loo and the landlady came and knocked the door; the place had been in darkness when she came home so she didn't like to disturb us but when she saw the light go on she came to reclaim little dog; he was so cute and when I picked him up to pass him out to her he put his little paw up to me like a canine high 5   So cute   So we have had our little animal adventure

I love storms!  I love the drama and the crashing and that whole "I'm Mother Nature and I'm kicking some arse!" feeling about them.  And the lovely clean, fresh feeling they leave behind.  Sounds like a sign for a fresh start, Lighter xx

[lighter]

So....Tupp.... I loved the cute pooch story.  Thank you for that.

As of this morning I have a new rule for myself....
No showers without at least two candles lit, and providing all the light in the bathing room.

This place is so 1950s.... I want to shift the mood, and drink in that vibe.  Out with the ick, and in with the charm....Amber, I'm channeling you directly here.

I'm using all your filters, in fact.  I want to see this place through fresh eyes.
Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Hmmmm.... 50s beach kitsch... yes, that would work! I'm less of a fan of the mid-century style for a cottage, but I've seen that work too. Some happy bright colors, but not overwhelming. Maybe some rag rugs to soften the floor in some places? Pillows... cafe curtains. As much as blinds and interior shutters are so useful to filter the sun, curtains are easier to wash/replace.

And I like seeing them blow in a breeze...

[lighter]

Another rainy morning....locals call off their entire day if it rains, apparently.  I did what I could with half hung shutter...made sure measurements good, called on tools, called absent workers then went down to beach...my favorite time.  Low tide with tidal pools...fish and little crabs skittering about.

I like tiny perfect shells, tiny imperfect shells, translucent shells, big shells, colorful shells, all washed up corals (I have a corals garden started!) Tiny green shells are my favorite.  I found 2 today.  I like broken iff horns from conch shells....and rocks.  Ones that feel good in my hand...ones with translucent layers...ones smoothed into lovely shapes, or with holes drilled through by the tides.  I'm starting a rock garden too...will get drill and begin building Cairns....drills should be here today!

I also love seaglass, and splashing in the pools.

Lord, that feels like a singles ad😝

Anyway, going into town, will have dinner there, and hopefully pick up tools.  Massage scheduled for morning with yoga instructor... She works the yachts typically.  I got lucky, and finally scored an appointment.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Long walks on the beach.... 

I'm SO glad you have a massage coming.

Shells....once after a hurricane I was at the southernmost end of the OBX with a friend in mid-April and the storm had blown thousands of perfect conch shells onto the point... We went away with grocery bags full and not a dent in the numbers. It was magic. I gave most away but kept a gorgeous black one with a small white shell wedged into it.

And dating...I'll stick that on Heist.

xo
Hops

[lighter]

Hops....
Conch shells.  I love the ones that look like cement...the BIG ones.  The perfect ones.  The baby ones....the imperfect ones...the medium sized ones.  The ones without the holes from being harvested are better.

:: nodding::

I liked reading about your miraculous shell find. I bet it was amazing to share with a friend.

 Once the girls and I found hundreds of perfect huge dried dragonflies in Florida... I so wanted to keep them, but didn't. It was magical just to share finding such beautiful creatures together.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Shells came with me, Lighter. I have a big jar full... and a small glass full of those teeny tiny shells too.

Worst comes to worst - I can break them up and use them like bonemeal in the garden. But they're still my "pretties" - so not yet.

[lighter]

I've always wanted to make jewelry with the sea glass and perhaps even the shells.  I should take some classes on jewelry making.

I'm sure your pretty s are right where they belong, Amber. 

My hardware store guy didn't get to my tools till after closing, and was certain I should come by in the morning, not before, to claim them.  I'm so itchy to get finished with shutters.... won't be early in am now. 

I have massage, then go North, and meet with bug Guy handy man at his home somewhere on way to or from hardware store.  I spoke to him on the phone and couldn't understand a lot if what he said.  I believe I get to meet his whole family in his home. 

My fixer taxi driver is off island, so that's not ideal. 

So last night I was in for dinner again.  I had huge salad, and cooked the raw onion salad I made with bitter orange, oregano, and oil poured over top after bringing to the smoking point.....Cuban, yummy. They were tangy, and carneluzed perfectly.... electric skillets rock.  They really do.

I had grits and tuna for breakfast the other day at the resort on this island.  I wasn't sure what I'd get....the locals were having sardines and grits, I noticed.  I wasn't that brave, so got the tuna.....it was a plate full of yellow grits, and fluffy cold tuna salad..... marvelous together.  Ate the whole thing then wanted a nap.  I get the cracked conch at the end if the drive quite a bit....deep fried and very tender.  Might do that soon and have with salad and rest if citrusy onions. 

Must check weather....so much rain.  I should have planted palm trees.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

I love the way you ground yourself, Lighter.
In beauty,
in things of nature,
in the flavors of food.

This sounds so healing.
Good for you.
I feel better FOR you.
And for your adrenals!

I have a package of lentils on my stove that I call "Lighter's Lentils" every time I look at them.
Not sure which thread you gave me that simple recipe on, but I'm going to find it, and cook them in your honor. This weekend. Without Fail.

xo
Hops

[lighter]

I love those lentils, Hops.  I could live on them, HAVE lived on them, but a bit allergic.  You enjoy, though Real olive oil, onions, tomatoes cooked into a paste, then garlic cooked a bit then clean lentils and water.  If your lucky enough to find black lentils, don't overcook.  Chopping radishes, tomatoes, carrots and parsley very small for accompanying salad is walking meditation for me.  Red wine vinegar, lemon, nature's seasons and good olive oil, once again, and you have perfection on a plate, IMO.

Switching gears here, I have 10 day TPO in place back home, and Thursday morning court date to extend to one year.  Attorney friend will be there to make sure all bases covered.  Have to produce texts, and wittle story down so I don't sound insane telling it.  Repeating details of disordered people's conduct CAN make us sound deranged if we fail to think it through, IME.

There are rules to these things, and I have time to get it straight, thank goodness.

Going North....hammer drill I picked up yesterday requires special tips.  Regardless of set back, we got remaining hurricane shutters up... So difficult with regular drill ( thank God ordered it too!)  Will get more drill bits to drill out rest of job....many shutters only have 6 tapcons holding them up.  I have such relief.....able to drink coffee again now....can you tell?

That's my update.  Going North with renter....we work very well together!  Yay.
Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Glad that the renter is a good egg, Lighter, you need a good egg right now.  TPO, is that a restraining order of some kind?  Whatever it is it sounds like a good move.  I've found bullet pointing helpful when explaining crazy behaviour to people - x action occured/was said - I felt threatened/afraid for my safety etc.  Short and to the point.  I've read the bullet points outloud before rather than trying to explain, I don't know if they might let you do that?  Don't know how different your legal system is to ours.  Whatever way works out best, this all sounds like healthy steps forward.  I'm glad xx

[lighter]

Tupp:

I've been thinking about how to tell this story so I'm heard, and not sabotaged by contractor or myself.  I posted a bit on your thread about it, actually.

I'm going to journal it all out.  Get my head straight.  Examine my evidence....domestic violence Counselor wants texts, etc....have to do what I already know to do.....tell the parts of the story I can prove, and hold compassion for contractor while doing it.

Since I can't prove all the crazy, I'll stick to what he's typed, and admitted to.  My statement to first Judge was super brief, and she felt contractor was immediate threat....gave me 10 day protective order. 

I'm not clear on it really....but he has to stay so many feet away.  Not contact me.  Thursday I ask a different aJudge for a year long Order.  Anither woman filed charges on him for assault, and uttering threats in 2016.  I have her contact info and will ask her if she has input.  He was also convicted of battery on another man. 

The thing that bothers me a lot is his focus on making me kill him.  He wrote that's the best I can do....wrote I was making a big deal over his brandishing the knife at me......said he wanted to talk things out the followed up with...
" You can punch stab me.."

He's fixated on violence.  He was escalating, and that's all I need to focus on.  Those few things are enough.  His chaos isn't relevant.  How he feels, how I feel.....just not relevant.

The facts, the evidence tells what my theory of this case is.  Not my fear, or his threats I can't prove.

Whew. 
I feel better.
((Tupp))
 Thanks for being there.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Tupp:

I've been thinking about how to tell this story so I'm heard, and not sabotaged by contractor or myself.  I posted a bit on your thread about it, actually.

I'm going to journal it all out.  Get my head straight.  Examine my evidence....domestic violence Counselor wants texts, etc....have to do what I already know to do.....tell the parts of the story I can prove, and hold compassion for contractor while doing it.

Since I can't prove all the crazy, I'll stick to what he's typed, and admitted to.  My statement to first Judge was super brief, and she felt contractor was immediate threat....gave me 10 day protective order. 

I'm not clear on it really....but he has to stay so many feet away.  Not contact me.  Thursday I ask a different aJudge for a year long Order.  Anither woman filed charges on him for assault, and uttering threats in 2016.  I have her contact info and will ask her if she has input.  He was also convicted of battery on another man. 

The thing that bothers me a lot is his focus on making me kill him.  He wrote that's the best I can do....wrote I was making a big deal over his brandishing the knife at me......said he wanted to talk things out the followed up with...
" You can punch stab me.."

He's fixated on violence.  He was escalating, and that's all I need to focus on.  Those few things are enough.  His chaos isn't relevant.  How he feels, how I feel.....just not relevant.

The facts, the evidence tells what my theory of this case is.  Not my fear, or his threats I can't prove.

Whew. 
I feel better.
((Tupp))
 Thanks for being there.

Lighter

Yes, sounds perfect, Lighter, focus on the proveable, particularly as there's enough for a case and he has history!! How does this mortgage lady know him?  I'm horrified she's recommending someone so dangerous and unstable.  The judge sounds as if she knows her stuff and won't be dismissive of 'female hysteria', which is good.  And good for you for going straight to the top and getting this sorted - he may have done this to other people and not been reported.  He needs to be stopped.  Can they order psychiatric or psychological help in the States?  I know here they can insist on certain treatments or therapies being part of the rehabilitation package..  Whatever goes next, I hope it is sorted as quickly and efficiently as possible.  Always here for you, my lovely friend xx xx

[sKePTiKal]

Focus on not caring about what happens to him, as a result of this form of self-defense. You DON'T CARE - because you already gave him every opportunity prove that he cares about how his words & actions affect you, and he crossed that boundary, escalating to more violence each time. YOU are not responsible for his feelings, or what happens to him at this point. DONE.

Even if he'd only chosen to go the "I'm desperately in love with you; need you; can't breathe without you" route... you would STILL be in the right about your decision. That isn't enough justification for you to have see, hear, or deal with him AT ALL... and that's your right as a human being. To choose those people who you will interact with. Those types, will try to use your compassion against you. I firmly believe you shouldn't hand them that "weapon".

Mantra: "Just LEAVE ME ALONE".

Yeah, I'm turning into a tough old broad. I adore men in all their forms too. But I'll be damned if I let that get in the way of my sanity, security, and choosing how I live. And being free from fear - there's a limited amount of that, that we can create, control, and manage - so I consider that a priority, given there's so much we can't control. I enjoy my life WITHIN certain boundaries and try very hard not to negatively impact others. I expect the same from everyone else I have to deal with... and will use every tool at hand to enforce that, before resorting to the very last option.