Well, that T is toast!
At my Mothers urging, because she "can't make it down" i.e set and keep an appointment, I went to see the T yesterday. I was hoping there were other ways for me to make progress independent of her and that is what he wants also, but he kept egging me to "change", did I want to "change" ? I did not say anything because I don't know what "change" he was referring to. And, did I think she "owes" me as if I was keeping the conflict alive because I feel cheated. I told him she doesn't owe me, but different parents, different outcomes and this is my situation.
Do other people get help with co-signing for a house from their gym buddy? Their church? Their boss? NO. If they don't come from an open and welcoming family that encourages them to date and socialize and supports it, how do they meet someone and get married? Does their work help? The IRS? Their employer? Their guidance counselor? NO. NONE of the above. Those are things that come from cooperative, functional families where they believe in unconditional positive regard. Some people find someone who will take them away from their dysfucntional family and create a new, healthier family, but I never found that. I don't have that and have suffered for it. Does she "owe" me, NO, hence different parents, different outcomes. Not my fault I chose what I did, I did the best with what I had to work with.
He wanted to help me with my job situation but I felt his help would be too general, I need specific mentorship from someone who knows my abilities/temperment/goals/interests and someone who knows the business of television. He doesn't know either(not his fault, he's an MFT). I need higher level, specific support for my current projects and pursuits, not more generalities and not having this higher level support IS the problem, so if you don't get that - then we are not on the same page. Other people have siblings, husbands in the same industry or family members who understand their business, and have a vested interest in their success. I don't have any of those supportive people and can't expect the therapist or a paid consultnat to fill that role. Mentoring, when you are talking about business development is a shady endeavor, because if the person knows you and your industry, he is likely a competitor or co-worker and that has inherent risks, which is exactly why people with a spouse or family member with that industry knowledge and experience is a god-send.
These two things - "change" (not adapt, grow, improve, suggest, or revise) and "owe" triggered me AFTER I left the office and sent me into a tailspin for the rest of the day. These tailspins are why I really don't like therapy sessions. Even when you like the therapist, you can feel persecuted and misunderstood, which ultimately make me want to avoid the therapeutic process.
Nice guy, turns out my friend goes to his temple, but ultimately, the T is clueless and triggered me so I am NOT going back! I canceled an appointment for next week and basically told him I needed specific mentorship, not general advice. I did not want to touch the other two and don't expect we will.
If my Mom asks me to go back with her, I will participate, but only because I asked for years and if she is willing to meet me halfway, I will continue to try. Otherwise, there is no reason for me to see him.
