Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
summer stuff
Hopalong:
Thanks for checking, Lighter.
I'm really okay and the letter is going out next week.
It was editing right to the wire, and also finding out that since one on our committee blabbed too much too soon, the cat is mostly out of the bag anyway.
My contribution was to state our purpose, our reasons, and what the process would be IF the congregation wishes to deal with the question. Which it may not. But it was incredible how many days of editing and parsing and massaging every scrap of the wording it took. I was also touched by the support we got, and how many agreed to sign the letter with us. About 30, not a huge number, but given that attendance averages 120, a respectable enough number to demand that the Board schedule discussions to deal with the concerns. And, for every person that signed there were those in the wings who feared backlash or being disliked, while they still agreed with us.
Satisfying to do it well, but also stressful. A spat broke out about the minister on the church FB page, a snakepit I'm glad I avoided. It's really kind of sad, never have seen such a divide here.
But I'm okay and hope I'll soon be sleeping better.
xo
Hops
lighter:
Sounds like roughly half the congregation shares your concerns, Hops. Mostly women? I ask bc women seem to worry more about being liked and/ punished, IME, but hey.... comment if you're comfortable.
I'm sure you did a bang up job. Maybe more will take courage from those who signed, and surprise you with additional signatures. You certainly deserve to be heard.
Good job. The group couldn't have had a more qualified person handling the mission statement and editing.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Why do I think there's more than the church upset bothering you, dear? Like maybe you're thinking a lot of deep, sensitive thoughts and sorting out some big things (feelings)?
You can tell me to mind my own business, ya know. I just felt some of this, in what you wrote and wondered.
Hopalong:
I think it is more women than men who have signed, Lighter. But really it's going both ways...women are saying "enough is enough" and their husbands call later to say okay, me too. But it can also happen the other way around...one husband signed and his wife won't. There are also more older women than older men in general, single or widowed, which is the way nature works.
Quite a few of the people who are fed up with him are also in groups or on committees which make them feel they can't sign (or give them an excuse not to). I don't know how it'll turn out. I am sensitive to being disliked, truthfully, which is a legacy from school bullying. It'll take courage to go back to services after the letter is out but I will (on days he's not in the pulpit). I should, truthfully, go even if he IS in the pulpit, so I can't be accused of doing terrible things "without even attending" but I'm not sure I'm up for that.
Meanwhile, old-folks work goes apace with interesting new people. New lady, 88, escaped from Cuba with her family a year before the dictatorship and has had a remarkable life. Given the current state of things here, maybe I'll ask her if she thinks we could go back there? 8)
Amber, thanks. The depression has mostly lifted, truly. But any plunge there, even temporary, does call up some serious vibe. It's okay. I feel a little more mortal since the fall, a reminder, and time seems to be flying. I identified a lot with what you said about wishing someone cared about you in a way that'd make you care more about yourself. That really got me thinking about how to be more interested in and take more delight in my own life. Especially the writing I am not doing.
Knee is better and though I haven't been physically active enough, I do love summer.
xo
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Let me know if you suddenly see it laid out in front of you Hops - like the solution to a maze or something; I find I spend a lot of time struggling with that "caring about myself" and it entails a lot more things than finally realizing most people brush their teeth twice a day or how I look.
It was all I could do to sign up for a monthly massage program; I get auto-billed every month. And I realized I avoided making an appt for one for a couple month when I noticed I was being charged and not going. THAT'S why I signed up, actually. I did go yesterday and made the next appt before I left, this time. With the projects - many times I just don't know what days someone will show up so I depended on myself to squeeze in a day to make time for this - hopefully combined with banking/errands day. And let myself go to the bottom of the list again. :?
While she was working on the kinks from sitting in the bobcat and reading/being online too much... I noticed that like it or not - it IS important for me to experience touch from someone else. Even if it's as impersonal as a massage.
Makes me think of Anne. I do believe this goes back to that "primary caregiver attachment". I didn't get enough of this externally as a child... and so never internalized (or learned) the necessity of caring for myself. I see bits & pieces of this, looking at Holly and the places where she is different from me - despite her own childhood messes, she DID have me & others who cared a great deal about her.
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