Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness
lighter:
Mind maps! For ME, not everyone else!
That looks wrong, to read it, but it also looks like relief.
Thanks for that, Tupp.
Very helpful.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Tupp,
I don't want to write you such long things these days that it feels like work to respond. Really. I totally hear you about the depth of fatigue you're trying to relieve, and would rather you were napping than answering my questions. So this is just to say, I am so here, so glad you're here, and so interested.
If you just write "Got it, Hops" I'm totally content.
love
Hops
lighter:
Hi Tupp:
I'm glad you're excavating fear. Old fear. Present fear.
What's real,
What's relevant.
What's not.
Time to refile it.
Yup.
It's time.
Lighter
lighter:
I'm really really hungry lately. I mean, I used to get the afternoon/evening hungries, but now..... it's more often. More extreme.
Last night I sat down with oldest dd and mentioned it in passing.
DD's response....
"There's a pig in your head."
I was intrigued, and asked her to go on.
She said it was from our hunger gatherer days.... brains programed to reward us for maximizing grazing opportunities, which no longer serve bc food's everywhere now.
I understood that before the pig comment, but the pig comment really drove the point home.... thinking of it as something OTHER than ME, driving me to eat things that aren't good for me, when I'm not hungry, makes it easier to skip the shame, and guilt, IME.
Hops, I'm really enjoying how flat my sheets come off the drying rack. Clothes too. There's something special about not having to pull clean dry clothing out of crumpled balls, and try to fold them.
I was purchasing organic dish washing machine soap for a while, and made it halfway through the bottle before my glasses were so milky/cruddy I feared the machine was on the fritze.
I purchased the Cascade Actionpacs, with 16X the cleaning power, and glasses are crystal clear again.
I've been flushing the toilet with brown water from the bathwater, which is also very satisfying.
The moss is amazing, and thick. I'm looking forward to having more fun playing in it this Spring. It's windy today. And chilly.
Oldest dd will spend the weekend with friends at their college. That's a six hour drive to drop her, and a six hour drive to pick her up. I'm looking forward to touring the campus, then splitting. Youngest has a very full schedule, so will be busy at home. Her newly formed band is playing PAINT IT BLACK at a club Saturday night, then I'm back in the car on Sunday. I'll let you guys know how the gig goes; )
Lighter
Hopalong:
[moved this over from Tupp's Dark Side thread]
I'm really glad you decided to be loving to your Aunt, Lighter. Kindness never backfires, and sacrificing some bully-bonding with Uncle is so worth it.
I think you've had to deal with a lot in life through warrior forcefulness. Yet it sounds as though your Aunt was just feeling sad and overlooked. The teasing and jabs and jibes aren't her language. She's way overpowered. Yet there's nothing condescending about kindness. Your Uncle may be smarter and sharper. But perhaps there's a deeper heart than you've been noticing in her. Maybe all in all, her vulnerability doesn't make her a lesser person. Just someone who needs more cherishing.
We all do. And you deserve it too. Not because you can out-strategize, outwit, out-lead or out-fight others. Just because you're you, and you deserve real love. Not confusing toxic stuff. The real thing. You don't have to earn it, win it, or know a secret brain formula for how to get it. You can have it right now if you give it to yourself. You will. One day you'll wake up with gentle compassion and affection for yourself, the little girl within you, suffusing your whole self. It'll be beautiful
Hugs
Hops
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