Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness
lighter:
Tupp:
Since the last T visit I've noticed less stress running in the background. Less dread, and resistance. I don't know if there was a shift, or if more understanding pushed out some of the reactiveness. I don't worry about it.
I'm grateful, and it's opening up space for new ways of being in the world. Just noticing new creative thoughts is thrilling for me, and puts a hard underline beneath the resistance I let BE in the T"s office. I saw her face register it, and she backed off and found another way around it, and helped me.....
She helped me breathe space around it, and it appears that space was permanent, or at least lasting.
I think that was a big moment for me. This T is diwntown, 15 minutes away, and I got her name from the Neuro nurse practitioner, even though she had no availability, I called. It took some waiting but I snapped up a cancellation, and went in sans judgements, very weepy, and ready to untie the knots. I kinda wish I could just throw myself on the floor and sob, but I'm so used to holding it in....very difficult.
Interestingly, I felt a good deal of poking to the left of my belly button as the breathe work went on. I think I've been holding energy there my entire life.
I also think that finding the zone, being present, is something that is less cultivation, and more flipping the switch. We practice different techniques, but we're really trying to change default settings and processes in our brains and bodies, as you said. That makes sense, and is such a relief to know a switch can be flipped permanently, and built on.
If we struggle to flip it, and manage sporadically, getting switched back again and again, which can become a pattern too, it's demoralizing, and exhausting.....easy to judge ourselves harshly, which doesn't help. That takes up so much energy!
I know I carry more space inside myself now. I feel knots gone, not just unraveled, which is a surprise, and relief. I feel better. I want more. For all of us: )
Lighter
Hopalong:
I'm so happy to hear this, ((((Lighter))), so very glad for you.
You are doing wonderful, productive healing!
And:
--- Quote ---easy to judge ourselves harshly, which doesn't help.
--- End quote ---
This is one of the truest answers you've found. It's not gymnastics or martial arts you're doing, where perfect performance and perfect form are goals, necessities.
What you're doing is full of gracious space, ultimate forgiveness, charity toward the self, leaps of trust (wow, you are doing it with this T and therefore with yourself).
There is NO skill that will move you forward as much as compassion will, for yourself and felt sincerely.
I am thrilled by the direction you're turning toward.
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on July 14, 2019, 02:42:54 PM ---Tupp:
Since the last T visit I've noticed less stress running in the background. Less dread, and resistance. I don't know if there was a shift, or if more understanding pushed out some of the reactiveness. I don't worry about it.
I'm grateful, and it's opening up space for new ways of being in the world. Just noticing new creative thoughts is thrilling for me, and puts a hard underline beneath the resistance I let BE in the T"s office. I saw her face register it, and she backed off and found another way around it, and helped me.....
She helped me breathe space around it, and it appears that space was permanent, or at least lasting.
I think that was a big moment for me. This T is diwntown, 15 minutes away, and I got her name from the Neuro nurse practitioner, even though she had no availability, I called. It took some waiting but I snapped up a cancellation, and went in sans judgements, very weepy, and ready to untie the knots. I kinda wish I could just throw myself on the floor and sob, but I'm so used to holding it in....very difficult.
Interestingly, I felt a good deal of poking to the left of my belly button as the breathe work went on. I think I've been holding energy there my entire life.
I also think that finding the zone, being present, is something that is less cultivation, and more flipping the switch. We practice different techniques, but we're really trying to change default settings and processes in our brains and bodies, as you said. That makes sense, and is such a relief to know a switch can be flipped permanently, and built on.
If we struggle to flip it, and manage sporadically, getting switched back again and again, which can become a pattern too, it's demoralizing, and exhausting.....easy to judge ourselves harshly, which doesn't help. That takes up so much energy!
I know I carry more space inside myself now. I feel knots gone, not just unraveled, which is a surprise, and relief. I feel better. I want more. For all of us: )
Lighter
--- End quote ---
I hope that she continues to make such good progress and such useful suggestions, Lighter. I think it's that unnoticed stress/baggage/difficulty that we carry with us that is so wearing. It always makes me think about what we can't see. If someone was trying to get a wardrobe up a flight of stairs you wouldn't ask them to carry a cup of tea as well. But we can be carrying the equivalent of an emotional wardrobe and then someone makes a thoughtless comment, or we get an email or a letter, or even an unannounced guest, who we like but just aren't in the right frame of mind for at that moment - and we can't cope, because we're carrying so much else. And no-one else can see what we're carrying, and it gets tiring trying to explain it to people so we try to just to the extra thing so we look 'normal'. It's just so exhausting. I'm so glad you are feeling less background stress - carrying a chair now, rather than a wardrobe :) I am finding I'm less stressed generally because we don't have college, and it does make the additional things less stressful. She sounds like a really good T.
And the creative thoughts, yes! So hard to have and keep and act upon creativity when there's so much day to day blah blah blah to deal with. Your moss garden sounds like a good creative project, as does the she shed! A whole whirlwind of female creativity going on :) xx
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---....it's that unnoticed stress/baggage/difficulty that we carry with us that is so wearing. It always makes me think about what we can't see. If someone was trying to get a wardrobe up a flight of stairs you wouldn't ask them to carry a cup of tea as well.
--- End quote ---
This is a brilliant image, Tupp. It's going to stay with me.
Thanks,
Hops
lighter:
Returning from funeral in Toronto. Final arrival time is midnight, and I think I'll sleep on both flights.
Will try to catch up on board now.
Lighter
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