Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness
lighter:
The girls and I enjoyed a simple meal this evening. Almost no arguing at all. I don't digest well when they argue before or during meals.
Pan seared wild salmon from frozen section in Trader Joes, with crunchy little asparagus spears from fresh produce department. Very nice with butter, and salt cooked first in same pan.
Their organic spring mixed greens are a deal, IMO, and rounded out the meal. I made a dill cucumber sauce. Yep, it had sour cream, and a bit of mayo with salt and pepper, but I've gone a bit limp. Not perfect. Oh well.
We made 5 batches of tamales yesterday. Some vegetarian with peppers, onions, and tomatoes. Some with pork and the pepper mix. We use coconut oil instead of lard. Tastes the same to us. Good texture. A bit hot this time, but we like them hot.
I've been unable to muster much enthusiasm for cooking, and meal planning lately. This didn't take any effort. It was a nice surprise.
I had a terrible morning processing things I've needed to process for a while. Really dreadful, but I'm tired of futzing around with the bandaid. Time to yank, and so I sank into it, and let it have it's say. Mostly there was sadness for my children, myself, and all the people who've lost so much through the last 12 years. Lots and lots of sadness.
Then there was anger.
For others, then for myself.
It really had it's way with me, and I let it. No holding back. Poor pug was confused, and upset too, but the tears had to come, and so they did.
I noticed I hold my breath a lot. I've always been a shallow breather, but I hold my breath. I have to make myself take a breath.
This evening I'm feeling lighter, and more relaxed. Less anxious about things I was surprised made me feel so out of sorts. It's a relief, and I think it's bc of the processing.
Oldest DD was stung by what I think was a bee last evening... her first ever sting. Her entire hand, and wrist is swollen, and she has a fever with some infection. The doctor fixed her up, and I'm less worried than I was about future stings. I thought he'd prescribe an epi pen, but he didn't. He doesn't expect future stings to be critical. The internet had me really worried.
I'm feeling lucky about brain integration classes held locally in September. It's a better program than the one in Colorado, with ongoing opportunity for hands on clinics with instructors. Ideal, really.
And that's my update.
Lighter
Hopalong:
(((((Lighter))))), I'm glad you let it rip.
Some pain is lancing, and it heals.
I'm so sorry it hurt so much but you are wise and brave to trust the flow of it.
Be strong, but don't be perfect.
love,
Hops
Twoapenny:
Lighter, the octopus is amazing and I'm glad you told DD to just get on with it. It's easy to overthink and plan things like that - if it turns out to be wrong you can just paint over and start again. I love the idea of mermaids in there as well. It's going to be so nice when it's finished. And as for peeing in the shower - yes, people do so many weird things. I'm always astounded at the mess people leave behind them when they've eaten a meal - food and food containers everywhere and no attempt to clean up. They don't do it at home, surely? I can't get my head round it.
Your meals always sound lovely. Do you have MasterChef over there? You'd do well on that :)
I think anger has to be given an outlet. It's surprising when it rises though, and I think that people like us - who prefer to avoid conflict and try to keep peace and be thoughtful of others - find it difficult to cope with when it rises. You did well to let it do its thing and just go through it. I'm sure pug will be okay with it all :) I'm glad you felt calmer afterwards and I hope that stays xx
lighter:
I'm a bit wrung out, but still feeling OK, so I'll share about food first. I love the food shows too, Tupp. The ones with kids are amazing. How poised, and creative they are! I was never that poised. I'm still not that poised, lol.
We tried another new pick from Trader Joe's. Wild caught scallops. Frozen. You get a package of 10 large, beautiful specimens for $10. They were defrosted when we got home from school, and we seared them in a pan with real butter, then youngest dd made a lovely chili lime sauce after deglazing pan. TJ's has a small clam shell package of mixed greens, and we sauteed 2 of them with garlic, and ate them on spring greens. Quick, and I think we could eat 3 or 4 packages at a go when cooked like that. Always a favorite in this house.
I'm still feeling better, but suspect menopause is taking my hormones on a nose dive. Is falling apart, physically, a symptom of the M? I feel like ligaments are giving away. There's some shaking of my left hand, weakness. My left foot hurts more than my right foot, and my balance hasn't been what it always was. My left hip isn't getting better. Compensating for the pain is just throwing other parts of me out of whack. It sucks getting old, but it really sucks to notice it happening, IME. At least the hot flashes are better.
My Uncle had 5 teeth pulled today, which is terrifying to me. I can't think about it now.
It's good to remind myself inviting pain is cleansing, and leads to feeling better. Sometimes I forget.
Off to bed now.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on September 01, 2018, 01:14:04 AM ---I'm a bit wrung out, but still feeling OK, so I'll share about food first. I love the food shows too, Tupp. The ones with kids are amazing. How poised, and creative they are! I was never that poised. I'm still not that poised, lol.
We tried another new pick from Trader Joe's. Wild caught scallops. Frozen. You get a package of 10 large, beautiful specimens for $10. They were defrosted when we got home from school, and we seared them in a pan with real butter, then youngest dd made a lovely chili lime sauce after deglazing pan. TJ's has a small clam shell package of mixed greens, and we sauteed 2 of them with garlic, and ate them on spring greens. Quick, and I think we could eat 3 or 4 packages at a go when cooked like that. Always a favorite in this house.
I'm still feeling better, but suspect menopause is taking my hormones on a nose dive. Is falling apart, physically, a symptom of the M? I feel like ligaments are giving away. There's some shaking of my left hand, weakness. My left foot hurts more than my right foot, and my balance hasn't been what it always was. My left hip isn't getting better. Compensating for the pain is just throwing other parts of me out of whack. It sucks getting old, but it really sucks to notice it happening, IME. At least the hot flashes are better.
My Uncle had 5 teeth pulled today, which is terrifying to me. I can't think about it now.
It's good to remind myself inviting pain is cleansing, and leads to feeling better. Sometimes I forget.
Off to bed now.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
I hope you had good sleep, Lighter, and that you feel more rested today xx I don't know whether the physical ailments are typical of menopause but I have all that you mention and I have assumed it's menopause/age related :) My hormones are bonkers for two weeks of the month - a week of wanting to stab people, a week of wanting to cry and feeling that nothing is right in the world and then two weeks of feeling 'normal'. My hot flushes are better and I sweat less now. I found coffee and wine triggered both but I also started taking Royal Jelly and Milk Thistle supplements as I read that they can help. The moods don't seem to be different but I haven't been as hot as often and I haven't been waking up sweating in the night. I do have a lot of joint pain - one week of the month my elbow is just awful so I'm guessing that is linked to the hormones although I have no idea how or why. Hormones are another thing on my 'want to learn more about this' list. I did see a funny meme the other day, something like "my mind thinks I'm 25, my sense of humour is that of a 13 year old and my body keeps asking if I'm dead yet" :) Made me laugh, it pretty much sums up the way I feel. I hope your Uncle isn't in too much pain. I am not good with teeth, either - or eyes! Even contact lenses make me cringe. I hope you are feeling okay today - or at least okay about not feeling okay. Much love xx
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