Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness
lighter:
Yesterday I was working in the yard, and had a children's story book memory of being outdoors, by a pond, near an orchard at our family home. Discovering the smells of the pond, and tadpoles, and water lilies. Just the smell of the seasons. I remember remembering, and I haven't in so many years.
I get into the yard first thing in the morning, dawning the same clean outfit that affords me the fewest rashes, bug bites, and skin exposed to dirt. When the mosquitoes start biting my face, it's time to change gears, start dinner, get clean, do laundry, and study till I get the girls.
I have my Airbnb arranged one mile from the school that begins Saturday, which I'm excited about. Check in is Friday. The girl's transportation is figured out, as of this morning. I'm amazed that my back isn't bad after so many hours stooped over. Usually I'm down for a day, but self care has me a tad slow, but otherwise fully operational.
I've noticed I feel somewhat defensive today, although not chased, or scattered, or needful of outside approval, or like I'm behind or SHOULD be doing something else.
I think the whole Supreme Court nomination thing has been very triggering, and that's what that's about.
I very clearly remember my father sitting me down to explain how business works, why women aren't welcome, and why we can't participate in the man's world. How we weren't ever going to be accepted. He said this with sadness... you could tell it pained him a bit to look me in the eye, say that, and believe it was true. It makes me very sad to remember him saying it. He also used to say that women had an "extra nerve". He meant that women could do things that kind hearted, very nice men couldn't or wouldn't do. Women were, I suppose, "bad" was the message. He said very vulgar, hurtful things that weren't appropriate to all women, now that I think of it.
The wind is blowing. I wonder what's coming.
Lighter
Hopalong:
I've been in a state of mild to moderate trauma ever since the hearings began.
Today's news doesn't help.
It triggers me at a primal, visceral and spiritual level and is anguishing.
I hear you. SELF CARE (plus voting) is all we got....
xo
Hops
lighter:
((Hops))
I found myself seated, head on the table earlier today....thinking about the crappy FBI sham investigation.
You know what? Maybe we have to go through this to bring about proper lasting change? Maybe THIS is what brings the Nation's focus to these issues in a meaningful way.
I'm not good at letting my feelings get ripped around. It's too hard.
Maybe Flake will decide to vote NO, bc the investigation was so narrow.
At least we're having the discussion.
Take heart, Amazon's.
Lighter
lighter:
I'll find my computer and post an update soon. All is well, considering youngest has stomach virus, and laundry is almost caught up this morning.... yesterday laundry ran non stop till midnight.
lighter:
DD18 helped with housework yesterday, but put my computer where I couldn't find it. She was so helpful, and so nice when I asked for it... .just bringing it, and presenting it like.... I'm not sure like what. But it was a change. Very nice.
I set my alarms for 4:30am and 6:30am and it WENT OFF AT 5:30am!! I was supposed to carry a neighbor around the corner to her place of work at 4:30. She RANG, and I didn't hear it. I don't know what's going on. My first thought was the universe is messing with me. How can an alarm go off at a time it';s not set for, and NOT go off at a time it IS set for? I might have had the volume turned down from carting heavy luggage last night, but that doesn't explain why it went off when it wasn't set to go off. I'm upset wondering if the elderly neighbor fell down, bc she's not answering her phone, or texts, or door as I knocked at 5:20 and haven't heard a peep from her. I can't sleep.
OK. She texted she took an Uber and is fine. I feel better now.
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