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sKePTiKal:
LOL. No, Hopsie. I find deer fencing to be an expensive illusion. I want to be able to let the dogs out from the house and contain them here. Knuckles has been trying to qualify for Nascar with cars/trucks coming in the driveway; and he's looking real promising - LOL. Dog is fast. But we should soon be having lots of contractors here, all day long... multiple BIG trucks... and it will be better for everyone, if the dogs have their own space to patrol, most of the time. Some dogs can't be stopped by fences, but with reinforcement, they can learn to respect them. Beebs is also a problem - while Knucks sees new people as new playmates, Beebs really doesn't like other men. He constantly barked at Buck for 2 days and kept putting himself between Holly and him. He did that with Rick yesterday too.

While Beebs is a gentle, slowpoke old man most of the time... he's superprotective and even Steve has been surprised at how protective. Beebs is also twice as big as Knuckles and not everyone understands dogs.

On the pond side of the driveway, I have a field that grows pretty decent grass. The chicken coops are over there too. So, we want to fence that for Steve's geese and ducks... and get more chickens. Probably also some kind of other livestock (way down the road later) so we can make cheese. There is more room, of course on the property. But this seems halfway to functional already.

sKePTiKal:
Well, that didn't take long to get real.

Buck called and told me he had something to tell me but he didn't want me to go into a tizzy. Another surgery - to put the med devices back in. It's an experiment and sort of a "cover their butts" for all the stuff they've screw up so far. Because they're not going to test to see what his infection levels are, prior to surgery... they're running the risk of it flaring up to septic levels again. At which point, the devices come back out and never go back in. He is only now regaining health, so why not see if they mess him up again?   :mad:

But I'm not in a tizzy, because I've been walking through this with him for the last 2 years. SSDD. AND, because he thought enough of me, to tell me before anyone else. Complete opposite of Mike who literally stopped talking to me those last years, gradually. Whether that was his protectiveness or he knew I had more energy for being angry, I won't know.

But because he was already considering closing his shop and relocating (somewhere TBD) a year from now, I told him maybe this was good timing. But so far, we're taking things one at a time. The idea of partnering is pretty strong for both of us; reciprocal. And I knew ahead of time about what he's dealing with. So, we'll take things as they come up... and share smiles, and make devious frivolous plans and have as much fun as possible throughout the process. He's admitted he's not very good at talking about his feelings, but I reminded him there are lots of ways to communicate. We'll figure it out.

The revelation, for me, is that he's not just some simple country boy. There is a depth of education under the grease monkey and a native intelligence (on a lot of levels) that he is showing me. We've done the trying to scare each other off dance... and no one's going anywhere.

----
newsflash; Steve is working the DC 4th of July mess on the mall tomorrow and Thursday. I was so hoping he wasn't. Well, damn. Hol and I are kinda in the same spot - sending our guys off to dangerous stuff and waiting for them to come back, whole and happy.

Hopalong:
I'm so sorry Buck has to deal with injury, infection and surgery, and that you have to deal with your new loves suffering. But how amazing that you have found something serious and beautiful in this connection. I hope whatever he is having to face will ultimately make him betteR.

M and I have been talking a lot about the reality of this chapter, too. I hope it makes love sweeter for all of us! We're incntral Paris and the weather is heaven. Had dinner at the flat of my old friend's daughter...both girls cooked a feast and the husband turned out to be a historian, so he and M had a great time. For me, being with the girls was like happy mothering again.

Love and comfort,
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Hopsie... I'm pretty much over the moon about all this. Despite the looming reality of potential loss, I'm able to cherish the little things that make shouldering the big things, walking like Thunder, and walking through fire... a piece of cake. We only have as much time as we have; and rather than hide in fear and worry... I think we're both committed to laughing and dancing our way through it. This time.

Sharing the "warts & all" stories online with each other isn't nearly as satisfactory as paper, so I think I'm going to be copying/printing some things. Too many tech glitches lately, and while my hair can't get any whiter from obsessing over fixing them... I do tend to rip hair out over it. LOL. Distance relationships require several levels of backup communication technology.

I sure hope you laugh and dance your way around Paris, dear. What a treat! What a blessing that you all can do this and create shared memories.

sKePTiKal:
I'm still on cloud 9.

About the time, I start worrying that my fantasizing is setting myself up for heartbreak... he says something else that makes me giggle like a 15 year old and distracts me from that pattern of "threat assessment". Or sends me a song to express his feelings.

He's waiting on the surgeon presently. Since he's gone through this every few months for the last 2 years, it's all SOP now. The only tough part was yesterday. He clammed up and started gearing himself up for facing this yet again. Like pulling back a bowstring... taut. But I understand that process and respect his space to do so. I don't need to know what his thoughts and feelings are about doing this yet again. Just need to let him know I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere; I'll keep a lookout for him.

Just like I know he has my back, too. So, we don't need to "fix" each other. LOL. It might be a longer time, for Buck, that he's had anything resembling this in his life. So, he's struggling for words. But I'm seeing the glimmers of a romantic already; possibly a poet too. He's certainly a "classic" model. LOL.

As it happens, there is a lot of other important stuff going on at the moment. Some of it I choose to engage in; some of it just has to go away for the time being. Hol is tackling one of them; her sister is travelling through. But has been told NOT to come to my house without an invitation. Period. Yeah, mom still loves her, but I simply don't have the energy to deal with her crap when she doesn't give a rat's about my life or anyone else but herself. So she's stopping at her Dad's this morning and Hol will go over there. He still doesn't know Hol miscarried. And he can be a difficult person to interact with too. Hol woke up angry this morning. I don't take it personally; she could also have chosen not to engage. Sparing herself. Maybe it will be different this time; so she's taking the chance to see for herself. I'm not interested and have enough going on right now.

Hol has been begging me to have a life again. Well, hello. Zero to 90 mph in a nanosecond. I know my criteria very well; I know what meets it too. And recognizing that in the flesh, and the eyes... has got my full attention and participation. But I'm also juggling the farm stuff, lawyers, financial things... and sorting out a lot of logistics for the big construction project. While I park my butt on the porch and type out all the things jostling for attention and decisions (? Later?) in my head.

Oh, and I have a canvas started. LOL. It's another barn Hops. I'm recreating/redesigning a painting I did way before art school from my current sensibilities. Hol has carried and hung that painting everywhere she's lived. So I'm changing almost everything about it... and yet, it will still be the same painting. IF... I can pull that off, I'll be happy.

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