Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2019 Farm Life
Hopalong:
What I believe is how you're feeling, and that sounds wonderful!
You have good instincts, hon. You chose Mike who loved you well, despite warts. And I'll bet your instinct is telling you Buck is your man for this chapter and you can trust it.
I hope you'll not FREAK about the need to control how much change, action, guest traffic and acceleration you can handle on the farm. But just make some calm assertive statements about how much you are ready to have happen right now, and which parts need to wait a while. You don't even need a chapter and verse justification...this is your farm.
Hang in there and respect your innards. Hear their needs before sirens go off. You're going to be fine but you're going through some big change yourself, with suffering attached.
That's a lot.
love,
Hops
lighter:
Buck.
::grin::.
He sounds like a Viking Cowboy, Amber.
Buck: )
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
More Viking than Cowboy, Lighter - but that's still apt. He's a handful that's for sure. But I've got more patience and understanding than in years past. I think he still doesn't believe me, when I say "Go do, but hurry back" - like I don't mean that or something.
Hops, at least this isn't POINTLESS suffering, the kind we've put ourselves through sometimes, while untangling our personal puzzles. It's just the normal stuff that comes along with daring to love and take the risks. Calculated risks, coldly assessed - but with passion. For me, those kinds of decisions don't take much time at all. Silly horoscope kept repeating words like "betwitched" and "enchanted". LOL. Which is why I spent more time chewing on the potential pitfalls and where they might be located. (Could be totally wrong, but then it's not a prediction of what WILL happen; only that circumstances are favorable... depending on each of us as individuals and what kinds of work we've done.)
He had a bit of a crisis yesterday and the misery was evident. He was so apologetic and checking to see if I was disgusted, so I reminded him I learned a lot of practical nursing skills not so long ago and when I say I'm willing to share everything I mean everything. The hardest thing for me, is not being there and not being able to do anything to help; not even hold his hair back. But I was who he called at 2 and 3 am when the crisis moved on to something more like a panic attack, too. As inhumane as it would be to not provide painkillers for surgery, the opposite can be just as bad to endure if you're the patient and the dose is too high or something with an unpredictable neurological effect. THAT I knew how to deal with.
A confused and frightened man with the proper prior training and experience can be exceedingly dangerous. Especially for those trying to care for him, without being aware of that about him. One of his nurses is a former marine; she's done right by him this whole stay. That helps a lot. I think after yesterday, he's turned the recovery corner and he'll start improving daily now. At least I'm telling myself that. And him. (Fingers crossed)
lighter:
I'm crossing fingers and toes for Buck's recovery, Amber.
I don't understand the illness, or the history and "danger" part, but I know he's lucky you're in his life.
Lighter
Hopalong:
What Lighter said, word for word.
love
Hops
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