Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2019 Farm Life
lighter:
I must use spell check more often.
sKePTiKal:
With the leaves starting to carpet the yard & woods, and the almost frosty morning here... everyone senses the quiet solitude of winter coming on. I welcome it. Hol does not; except for all the social whirlwind around the holidays.
Hol got asked to fill a position in a production filming nearby that would be a major step up for her. There's a whole list of reasons why it's not the right time - and they are valid ones. Including the fact that she would be coming in cold with only a little experience and only 5 days to accomplish all the planning, hoop-jumping required to make it happen safely, and artistically satisfying. The offer was still super-valuable to her... in that, she feels that connection to both her late boss and her own past work life. She discussed the facts, both with her co-workers and another guy she's known a long time in the industry (father figure). And I'm glimpsing something that MIGHT be a major clue to what's going on with her. More on that later.
We had a pretty pleasant, productive day here yesterday. Even the natural irritations were resolved quickly and no lingering misunderstandings or accusations. Takes 2 guys' energy here to balance such strong female energy, LOL. They're embarking on some activities away from the farm today; might stretch over several days too. So I'm looking forward to some peace and quiet. A mini-vacation at home with puppies. Letting some of my current thoughts settle into something resembling a coherent description.
The Mike stuff that came up, make sense in the context of getting to know Buck at a deeper level. And having to ride herd on myself about YES, they are different people... and therefore the relationship is going to be completely different too. Different doesn't equal scary or bad; it's just different.
My sense of efficacy and strength of self is returning with the cooler temps; and the fall energies. Heat & humidity turn me into a limp noodle. Give me 4 feet of snow and -25 windchill, any day. I can always find ways to get warm; only so many ways to cool off.
Hopalong:
Mini-vacay for Amber WITH PUPPIES???
Yessssssssssssssssssssssss!
I'm so glad that's happening. And jealous.
Also that you're going to have some sweet, sweet solitude.
Your thirst for it is palpable.
The peace in the air, with cooler temps, is too.
This is wonderful. About time you gotta break!
Hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Well, they weren't out late last night. And today, things seem MUCH calmer and less fraught than usual with Hol. We've already started the winter brainstorming for future projects this morning.
Maybe whatever burr was under her saddle has finally been removed.
Had a fire in the woodstove last night; it was THAT chilly in the house! And stuff for winter studio projects is getting collected; I'm making something for Buck for Christmas - who's finally feeling better today. He's had lots of pain, and nothing can be done because he's in a healthcare bureaucracy catch-22 right now. Or maybe I should say Yule, since he's a heathen which in a lot of ways is compatible with a Buddhist/Pagan. LOL.
Already getting gift ideas for Hol & Steve, based on how we've been living here together. Having trouble with the grandkids though, this year. Kids have everything these days.
I know it seems EARLY for this kind of stuff... but sometimes I like to get a head start; especially when I'm making things.
I'm thinking I'd like to keep Hol's friend John around. He's not just one of her oldest friends & not drinking at this stage in his life, he's also a pro chef. And he cleans up the kitchen as he cooks - and he cooks all day. That's a luxury around here; someone who's main focus is food; for the rest of us.
AND... I've asked Buck the really important relationship questions. Which side of the bed? TP over the top in front - or down the back; handles up/down in dish drainer; and towels - short side or long side first? LOL. He's declared my handles down, "living dangerously". :D
He does his own laundry, so that's easy.
Sigh... the wheel of time (and moods) rolls on. At least there's a reprieve from the other stuff that was going on.
lighter:
Amber:
When I read your questions, it sometimes feels they're tiny recon missions. Your thoughts spanning over anticipated (unfamiliar) territory. Trying to minimize....
the unknowns?
I think there will pleasure, and a few growing pains, as you navigate Buck World, and that it's going to be OK.... even the pains.
All this new landscape isn't so unfamiliar, IMO. You've done this many times in your life. It's the wildlife that's changed... the human element, rather than the potholes, low hanging branches, and water features.
I sometimes get frustrated by the marks people leave on me/us/humans in general. They can feel like so many things they aren't. They aren't the landscape, they live on and inside us, and it's so difficult to SEE things when that close, KWIM?
I have a question. Have you always ever chosen a side of the bed, for yourself?
I know I haven't, and that makes my stomach flip... not sure why, but it makes a little sad.
I think you and Buck will have fun figuring out all the details of a shared life, btw. I think he'll appreciate the attention to detail, but be more relaxed around the timeline.
Check yourself. Make sure there's no old anxiety thrumming in the background.
Buck is Buck. He's not like anyone else.
I'm glad things calmed down in the house.
Reading about the first fire was nice. Just seeing a little fire on tv makes me feel snug and happy.
Lighter
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