Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2019 Farm Life
sKePTiKal:
So I worked down in the garage while the plumbers fixed a leak and reinstalled the toilet. Found the roto-hammer I thought I had, but couldn't find. LOL... isn't that always the way it works? The one I have is 18v battery powered, which probably would only dent the mass of concrete I have to destroy. The one I ordered is electric and will be more powerful.
Think I'm headed to work in the studio, now that I don't have to hike between buildings to pee. Need to review the pattern for this parka I'm making for Buck and get it cut out. I've never worked with camo before; should be interesting. At least I don't have to match any patterns! LOL.
Buck was starting to get discouraged by the whole medical situation the other day. (How could he NOT?) So far, the herbal alternatives are at least keeping him functional most of the time - which is critical. If he didn't have any income, he'd have a whole NEW SET of problems to try to manage while he didn't feel so good. So I just reminded him, that at least we've found a workable substitute for the time being... until people stop passing the buck (that wasn't intentional; but it fits) and DO SOMETHING to help him. He's also working with a new lawyer who'll be be consulting with an infectious disease doc at Walter Reed. (Lawyer's trial expert) So that's looking promising but isn't an instant solution either. Takes time.
We're finding ways to "play" while we're apart. Silly things. We both feel a strong connection with the other; like we've known the other person for a long time. So I send him optimistic horoscopes... and he suggests activities we should try to accomplish while in dreamland at night. Last night was dancing; when I asked how he felt this morning he said his feet hurt so we must've danced all night. LOL.
It is helping more than he realizes, I think, to have someone cheering him up, distracting him, talking about anything other than "how he feels today". He hasn't had any more flashback dreams for a couple of months now.
Hopalong:
I think those Hol Hut thick walls are a great idea. Let's lock her up in there for a while....
I like hearing how you and Buck are making your space, your relationship, grow, despite the odds. Wonderful to know some OTHER people are also advocating for him. His patience and endurance are quite something. I can imagine how precious your support is and how that's changing his life.
Meanwhile, loved reading what you were saying about simple, direct statements.
I was enmeshed with my D as well. Backfired big time. So extricating yourself from that is a wonderful thing to be working on.
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
His feet were sore when he woke up.....
must have danced all night with you.
That is so sweet, Amber.
I don't know how you're staying so strong, but I'm impressed.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
This is a weird thing Hops - and maybe my perception is off -
I'm not enmeshed with HER; she seems to be enmeshed - or wanting to be - with almost everyone. Until she IS, then of course she realizes she "did it to herself AGAIN". I've been on guard about my boundaries and ever-so-sensitive to HERS since she moved in.
And Buck - and our own private little space - is definitely helping me stay not enmeshed. I knew the angry, determined, skilled, and very private Buck for years. This is a side of him that's delightful and makes me smile. Last night he was talking about one of his machines; it's large, cast-iron, and they don't make 'em like that anymore. His appreciation for it came through the text...
So I told him he was completely adorable.
It was 15-20 minutes, before he replied that there was yet another word he wasn't used to hearing in reference to himself (the other one was cute). And I dissolved into giggles again.
I keep trying to "have the relationship talk" with him, about how this is going to work, what I want it to be, what he wants it to be... but apparently, it's not time for that yet because I can't spit out any questions or words and he isn't talking about it either. We're just doing, instead.
Twoapenny:
I love that you and Buck are playing games, Skep, that's so sweet and must be a nice interlude from all the serious and difficult health/distance/148 projects at your place that you seem to work on simultaneously :) I still get tired just reading your threads, you pack so much in and do so much thinking/working through stuff at the same time. It's like you have three brains, a working out emotional things one, a having fun with Buck one and one that can build houses whilst sewing new coats and painting :) Lol. I like that you are making him a coat. For some reason I am getting an image in my mind of it having a hood with little ears on the top, like a little bear :) Lol. I'm glad that there is something happening with his healthcare situation, albeit just keeping him functional and maybe something legal coming up. I find not being able to do anything about a situation very difficult and I can't imagine you or Buck being comfortable with not being able to get on with something. You two sound really sweet together :) xx
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