Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2019 Farm Life
lighter:
Well that was a lovely update, Amber.
And on such a lovely day. It's sunny, cool, a little breezy, and perfect for mossing, which sis and I have done a bit of.
::sending Amber, dd, and house guest congrats on every front::.
Well done, moving things along: )
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
I'm still resting from yesterday. Ran all over town, managing my errands and getting house guest ready to tackle the cleaning of his tiny bachelor pad and setting up a kitchen. The rest of the house, he's keeping rather minimal as there is just no space. We found a table that would work for his artwork - and serve as a dining table too. Bought a folding camp chair that he can repurpose later to his porch. Holly will take him a log next week, to use as a little table out there too. He's borrowing my air mattress till he figures out getting a mattress into his place. They had some at the thrift store we visited; all brand new.
He's got some "have tos" on his list that I'll remind him of on Monday... then the "mom reflex" needs to stand down. He can get to everything he needs on foot; with public transportation; possibly a bike or moped. With a ride or Uber, he can get to the train system and get back to Baltimore when he's ready for that. He has several lines on jobs too, to follow up on. The place is very small; think small even for a tiny house - but he does have a porch, and a back yard/parking area; it's extremely private and VERY green in that section of town - surrounded by single family homes. He's only a couple of small town blocks to the main downtown area. LOL, and he can pizza and other food delivered... unlike out in my neck of the woods. Should he need them, the hospital staff are close too. Hol introduced him to the good friends she's known in town for ages... so it's a good supportive send-off, launching platform for him.
We have gotten really used to him being here in 3 months - even though he was in the hospital for almost 2 of those months. So, Hol and I are readjusting to having "our" space back again... and I'm catching up on some of those tasks that I just let slide off the list, indulging my "need to be needed" for as much as he would let me. We worked out those boundaries pretty well this 2nd time. And he helped me a lot in the garage and with ideas on some of my projects.
Only this past week or so, is the weather conducive and other projects moving some "requirements" along to getting back in that groove. But I still have some time yet and can work at my own pace again. My head is taking a serious look at the "need to be needed" thing... and I think I can shift it a little, direct it into "purpose" and adapt it to better identifying and fulfilling my own needs as well. At least, there is now space to do that and the freedom to go about it, the way I like to. LOL.
We discussed all the varying forms of "freedom" in some depth and detail. And it's link to being "connected" to others and yet in control of the things we all need to really have our "own life".
lighter:
Lordy, that need to be needed thing, Amber.
So many sharp edges, and tiny spaces for it to creep back in, IME.
I hope house guest is OK.
Truly.
Lighter
Hopalong:
((((Amber))))).
I wonder if a wiser way to enact the human need to be needed, in your case, because of boundary challenges, wouldn't be to be a minnow.
IOW, to join other minnows in a small pond of altruistic productivity? Rather than re-event all wheels because you are always a cowgirl?
IOW, to volunteer with an existing worthy organization that is not perfect but stems from the local community and responds to real needs there?
Habitat for Humanity?
Rescue squad/fire house support?
Women's shelter?
Animal shelter?
Hospital volunteers?
Small biz mentoring?
Civil rights group?
Food insecurity help?
Community garden?
Just a thought. Seems that introversion can become isolation and intelligence and independence can become stratification? Interesting to follow that line of thought, anyway. Not a substitute for highly individual, highly personalized meetings of needs. But a complement that anchors it into wider community in a mental-health affirming way, imo.
Couple hours a week or a half-day a month can bring a big shift in perspective, allow you to be needed but in a way you do not always completely structure yourself. (Out of the comfort zone, I know...but it's just a hunch you'd benefit.)
xxoo
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Focus for the next little while is just on me, me, me Hops. With Hol having a "standing coffee date" once a week with her friends over the mtn... including former house guest... there's a whoosh of "settling" energy for a bit. She has lots of other things going on, too - I can't keep up with her doin's. I'm struggling a little against just resting, because I have things to finish up, "just the way I want"... but on the whole I'm happy to have some "rutabaga" (ie, vegetable) time. I've caught a bit of cold bug or something is acting like pollen - even tho the weather people say it's low right now - and the trees really aren't doing much here.
The weather isn't helping; chilly and gray - but blessedly drying up around here! When I'm ready to don the boots & pearls and climb back into the bobcat, it'll need to be a little warmer. So I'm thankful I don't have to fight the mud right now. Spring just isn't strong enough to move winter along on it's way to the end of the year yet.
I have lots of non-farm related stuff to attend to, also. Legal stuff. Changes. After now years of thinking about it, I think I'm finally ready to sit down and git R done. Just letting passionate feelings settle long enough to finally know, it's the right thing to do... even if, that was my initial instinct. Making plans for me, too. But they aren't as far along yet.
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