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Winter Stuff

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sKePTiKal:
Hmmm. Find myself nodding over Tupp's post about energy vs deep emotional work and not trying to do both at the same time. I like the 5 min. strategy - I'm up to a few hours at a time, using the same "trick" on myself.

Lighter's right about just doing YOU, too. And yes, society is especially hard on us "mature women"... and I'm adding two hands full of flipped birds to Lighter's raspberries for that crap.

Now. Solitude. My friend - but it sounds like not so much yours. I don't feel badly when I have long stretches alone. Might get anxious over Hol, if we haven't touched based in a day or two - especially when I'm dogsitting.

I do get restless. But that's when I see something that I just jump up and dive into - because I've wanted time/space to DO IT. Or, I do something that I much prefer doing all alone. Or that I just enjoy - but Hol not so much. There are still things that I notice I'm resisting doing... but truthfully, between Knuckles and Hol's comings/goings... running up & downstairs to check on the fire, splittling kindling & moving wood or shovelling snow... I haven't had too much "me time" at all this winter. What little I've had - I've put into cooking because I'm enjoying it more now.

The way I'm dealing with the things I'm resisting, is asking myself if:

a) do I really care about and WANT it done?
b) will I thank myself for taking of the job, and also in the process, taking care of me?

I think B is more motivational for me. I'll gripe about A until the cows come home, and still resist doing it... until I add B. Then I just dive in and do it.

Hopalong:
Tupp, thank you. This rang true and was a powerful comfort to read:

--- Quote ---I am aware that when I'm processing deep emotions, veeery old pathways, facing fears and truths, trying to change - whether it's conscious or subconscious - it's almost like my brain and body can't do both.  I can't do all the deep work and also tidy up, phone a friend, cook a decent meal.
--- End quote ---
Given how hugely I respect you and the way you are processing more than I ever conceived of, to see this commonality, and this common sense...was huge. Yup yup.

Lighter, yessss.

--- Quote ---for me, it's not about down time.... or how I use it.  It' s about my head space.....Your post seems to hold so much fear (((Hops))), and that comes and goes....
--- End quote ---

Such clarity and seeing what is, is. Thank you. Head space is the only space. Yes.

Amber, I like this. A simple alternative way to ask myself a simple prioritizing query.

--- Quote ---a) do I really care about and WANT it done?
b) will I thank myself for taking [care of] the job, and also in the process, taking care of me?
--- End quote ---

Y'all blow my little mind, Amazons. I love you. And here's how The Date just went:

It was my turn to pick a restaurant. This town is paved with them. So I read about a NEW one, Central American and Spanish, and booked us. (He grew up in Costa Rica and had a house in Spain.) He LOVED it! Usual pattern of him madly telling stories. But beforehand...he came to my Most Humble House with milkbones in his pocket, patted Pooch the entire time and was so loving with her (she was Mata Hari at first but gave it up since he was such an easy sell). We drank wine and I'd bought fancy cheese, yakkity yak. And he was blown away by my grandmother's gorgeous piano, seemed to really enjoy the space. Off we went to the restaurant downtown. Yakkity yak. MAN, this guy has stories. I just rolled with it. Food was fabulous, yummy wine too. As we drove home he said something that lifted a big cloud: "Would you ever move?" (While also talking about how he was very happy about having discovered me on that website. And I shared I'd turned off the profile because I don't "juggle people.") I said, "I could never rip up all my roots here, because they're deep. But I could see myself being bicoastal."

He looked really happy, and we did hand-holding and a brief sweet kiss for the first time.

HUH. HUH HUH HUH.

Dayum. Y'all.

Blushing and feeling pretty great,
Hops
(I could never have survived these terrors without you. I mean it. I'm GRATEFUL.)

sKePTiKal:
I'm glad you had a good time. Remember, dear...

- his incessant chatter may be because this is all new for him too; he probably hasn't dated in decades either and doesn't really feel comfortable YET, talking about much personal stuff.

- but it does seem as if he's relaxing around you a bit; and for now - don't try to read his mind about any questions he asks. You're just TALKING. Getting to know each other.

- it does seem as if you're learning to simply enjoy yourself with him, instead of putting him through the Spanish Inquisition - LOL. It's kinda nice to simply let new relationships organically develop on their own - with surprises along the way rather than "manage" them. Hol is trying to do the same thing, with her new sweetie. We always need to have some history to apply hindsight to, for making decisions or even perceptions that are based on some concrete; something we've seen, heard, felt or experienced.

Someday, maybe the shoe will be on the other foot and you can coach me through all my own silliness over a new relationship. Hope springs eternal - and spring is ALMOST here.

lighter:
Whoo boy, HOps. 

The date sounded....
good. 

I'm just tickled ya'had fun.

Lighter

 

Hopalong:
Thanks, ((((((((((((y'all))))))))))))).

Amber, you're right. It's such a relief to have gotten through my inner Spanish Inquisition. That was all fear-based, but it did matter to me to get clarity that he wasn't just looking for a companion until he pulls the plug and moves.

Just Talking, getting to know each other was a good reminder too. I've gotten myself to lower my guard and for some reason, letting vulnerability in feels right. And I should know, having gotten through heartbreaks before, that I'm brave enough to risk it for something this promising.

Lighter, thanks, it WAS fun. A little note of seriousness is creeping in too (given our ages, one can't take too long) but the fun is feeling great.

He's meeting my close poet friend Thursday, she'll have a glass of wine with us before taking off for a workshop. Then he and I do dinner together, same place. He invited me to also go to a pipe organ concert (in my childhood church, coincidentally) on Friday night. I wrote him "two nights in a row? Really?" (since he has two round trips for professional reasons this weekend). And he wrote back, "Yes! How can there be too much you?"

I'm all chuckles and giggles for now. Feeling something really happy. Early days but y'all got me through big panic that came from old wounds. I'm feeling braver.

THANK YOU, each of you. So much.

Gratitudinously,
Hops

PS Something about getting past the Big Old Fear also liberated me about the dysfunctional stuff. I hopped up, shopped for the first time in ages, did laundry, and have taken good walks two days in a row. BETTER!

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